My mum died new years eve. I had been her carer for the past five years. I am really struggling to cope and everyone is telling me to have counselling. But I don’t even want to see people never mind talk to them. Has it helped having one to one counselling

Hi tree
Sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my lovely mum suddenly in june and I was so distraught that I started having counselling within 3 months. I had 6 sessions and for me, it did nothing.
I was told that it was early days and that people shouldn’t have counselling for 6 months after a bereavement as grief is normal and doesnt require counselling.
I’m now 7 and a half months in and very down, but dont see why I wouldn’t be. I had my mum for 48 years and we were very close. We brought my daughter up together and didnt do a thing without inviting each other. She even lived with us for the last 10 months. Not because she had to but because we all wanted her here. She did all my childcare, we watched tv together and had good fun.
Perhaps leave it a while as you only lost your mum a month ago?
Other members may have different views but I wouldn’t recommend it.
Cheryl x

The benefits I found from counselling were - it have me somebody to talk to who wasn’t going to give me the usual platitudes " move on "
" come to terms with it" and so on.
Also I could say anything i liked to them , things I couldn’t say to family and friends for fear of upsetting them.
I still avoid people who just expect me to build a new life.and look for a new partner. Most people just can’t understand how I feel.
If you do go be careful who you choose, find somebody who really understands bereavement. Best wishes at this sad time. Sadmr

Hi. Tree. I feel sad for you at the loss of your mum. As a retired consellor I am obviously biased about it. I would honestly recommend it but with certain provisos. In grief we need a counsellor who is trained in bereavement caonselling. I never was, and although I did try and help the bereaved I was never comfortable with it and usually referred them to a person equipped to deal with that awful experience. Also, if you do go, to be sure you go to a fully accredited counsellor. One that belongs to their appropriate professional organisation. Anyone can call themselves a counsellor, so take care.
Counselling is not for everyone, and many find it difficult to unload their personal emotions to a stranger. A counsellor will be objective. In our present state we can’t see the wood for the trees! Our emotions are all over the place. If you find someone with whom you create a trust then counselling can be very beneficial.
The feeling of not wanting to see or talk to people is not uncommon and if you accept it as part of the grieving process it may help. Each counsellor will have their own way of helping. There are many different approaches and methods, finding the right one for you may not be easy. Have you seen your GP? That’s the first step in this situation. They can often recommend counsellors. Also there is counselling available on here. If you contact Admin they will help I am sure.
Forcing yourself to go is not a good idea. As C1971 says, give it a while until you feel like taking the plunge. But don’t leave it too long.
Many people have had bad experiences with counselling. Don’t let that put you off. If the counsellor is accredited then you can have confidence in them. I do emphasis again, in bereavement a bereavement counsellor is the one to go to. This is very much a personal choice, and there are no rules as to how long it should take before going for counselling. It’s how YOU feel about it.
Grieving is a process we all go through at some time. You may find, as time passes, that you need to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Understanding s so important.
Take care. I send you love and prayers. Blessings. John.


Hello, Tree,
You have chosen the right place to come. you are very welcome, although, it is a place where you would rather not be. The only thing I can suggest is for you to move at your own pace, when, if ever, you are ready for counselling, you will know. It does not work for everyone, yet some people find it benificial, there is no harm in trying counselling, you have to do what is best for you.
I am so sorry that your mum passed away, grief is the price we pay for love, I am not being patronising, I am grieving for my husband nearly 6 months after his passing. it is a hard road to travel, with love and support you will get there.
MaryL x

Sorry to hear about your mum. I have just finished my 6 counselling sessions and I have to say my anxiety and mood levels were worse when I had finished them. I lost my partner last May, but although I have family they weren’t there for me, hence the counselling. All I can say is the counselling sessions gave me a reason to get up and out of the house for a short while. It gave me somewhere to go but as soon as it was over I felt I was back at square one. For me it was the companionship of having someone to talk to. That is what is missing from my life. I have never mixed very well with people, Alan was better at that, having been a milkman and policeman. It isn’t for everyone so you will have to make up your own mind when the time is right.