Hello
I’ve been part of your community for a relatively short time. I came across the site by accident but having found you I’ve found a great deal of comfort reading your conversations as we are all suffering from the pain of loosing someone very close.
My wife passed away in our local hospice a few weeks ago from cancer. Cancer wasn’t on our horizon, we planned to live out our twilight days in peace & quite, but within just 7 months my life disintegrated.
The care she was given was exceptional and I cannot speak too highly of all of the kindness of all of their staff. Whilst in her final days it was suggested I speak to one of the organisations counsellors, but due to covid 19 coming along meetings could no longer take place.
Covid 19 prevented a family funeral, it hindered me registering my wife’s passing, it prevented me sorting out her affairs and the doors to my doctors became locked. However having nobody to talk to doesn’t prevent the sadness taking grip.
Over the past weeks I have felt my mental health deteriorating, almost on a daily basis. I have been unable to overcome the feeling of utter despair. Sleep is impossible & I seem to cry a great deal. I’m spending most of the day/night reading bereavement information on the internet from all parts of the world in an attempt to finding solace & have even contemplated some very black thoughts.
I realised from reading a lot of your conversations that by speaking to somebody who understood grief (not a friend, not a neighbour, not a relation) but someone who understood, has been a great help to you.
I found Mcmillan’s web site & using their chat facility spent half an hour telling someone I’ve never met before how my world has collapsed. This individual suggested I make contact with Cruse.
I found via the net the contact information on Cruse. Again used the chat feature, this time spending an hour with another unknown individual who after reading my inner thoughts referred me to the Cruse’s regional office. Today Cruse called me, I’ve actually spoken to someone about the death of my wife. A real person, the person who listened and allowed me to speak instead of lecturing me. This lady allowed me to download onto her for almost an hour how I’m feeling & allowed me to shed a great deal of tears.
Being able to write about the pain we feel is good, but actually speaking to someone is even better.
One day I hope I can help others like Cruse may hopefully help me, who knows?
James
Hiya James,
So glad you found some relief with Cruise, I also contacted them a few weeks ago and was promised a phone call a fortnight ago at 2.pm on the Wednesday did not happen contacted them and replyed they would look into it.
Still not happend but I know they must be busy there is not only me.
Hopefully they will ring you agan.
Take Care.
James, thank you. so much for your post, I am so sorry that you are grieving so badly. I am seriously considering contacting Cruse. Last August (2019) found my husband of 59 years on our bedroom floor, he had died. I knew that he wasn’t well, but I never expected to lose him. We have 2 children a daughter and a son, who live 80 miles apart in opposite directions and two grandchildren who live close to our daughter. I am very lucky even though I am disabled/housebound with numerous medical conditions, I have an excellent carer and a volunteer visitor, a lot of friends who take the trouble to ring me regularly. It is hard being on our own, I do understand how all of us are feeling.
Blessings,
MaryL
Hi Mary
So sorry to hear you are carrying illness as well,but glad you have got carrers and visitor.
I have a burden as well but manage to do things myself but the loneliness I cannot grip so lonely where I live.
If you contact Cruise I wish you luck,I have had no joy.
Take Care.
Bless you, Samella x x x
Hi I can also vouch for Cruse, Macmillan nurses helpline and the Samaritans who have all helped me in my desperate hour of need. I also now pay for a private counsellor twice a month. It’s not for everyone and some people it doesn’t make much difference too. But my grieving was very much filled with guilt and horrific images of my mums last days and what she went through and counselling and speaking to people on the phone helped me enormously
Hi Jools, glad to hear counselling helped you. Guilt on top of grief is unbearable and I’m so sorry you went through that. I too feel the same and after 3 months am thinking of trying to get some counselling so I can try to move forward a bit. Would you mind me asking you approximately the price of it? Thank you. xx
Hiya jooles,
Hope you are as well as can be,just had to tell you I actually had a call from Cruise at last today and aIre gong to ring me next Friday as well so hopefully might help.
What have you been upto nothing like most of us.
Take Care.
Hi guys. I pay £40 a session which I have every two weeks. But I think I’m ready to drop it to once a month. It’s honestly saved me. I’ve had a bad day today. And I just wanted to call my counsellor. But I have a sessio on Monday so will wait. And she will put straight my guilts and thoughts.
I used to ring Cruse at times (this was before the pandemic) and they were honestly amazing. It depends what type of person you, if you are the type of person to benefit from it. For me my saviour has always been if I can talk It out and have someone reassure me and show me a different way of thinking. I can then often put those thoughts to bed.
Yes I feel the same if I can talk to somebody and get reassurance.she was so not ve this afternoon,but I n bed at the moment with chest pain but it is stress I hope, had ECG last Sunday so must believe them.
Take Care.
Sorry for mistakes that was she was so nice,posted before checking .
Samella, hope you feel a bit better today And thank you Jools for info , difficult to know when to admit you need help isn’t it. But with various guilt issues and unfinished stuff I think I’m going for it, it’s been 3 months and maybe that’s long enough, don’t really know. Thank you again and love to you all xxx
Wow what a lovely story. I am fairly new to being widowed and need help. Maybe this is the way I should go.
Thank you and all the best
Ann
Ann, hope you find all the lovely people on here helpful and comforting. I’ve just had one session of Sue Ryder counselling too and found it really helpful. It’s free and you’re entitled to six, def worth a try! Take care and good luck!x
Thank you bjane. I will certainly thin about it. Thank you for caring. I have had a rough time on here tonight and the burial is tomorrow so i need to see how that goes.x
Hope it isn’t too awful, and you are able to cope with it. Often things we dread aren’t quite as bad as we anticipated , I found that with Malcolm’s funeral, it seemed to pass in a sort of daze. Will be thinking of you tomorrow, sending a little prayer and strength. “Chin up lass”
as a friend said to me before the funeral. You’ll be braver than you think. Love and a big hug xx
Thank you so much. It’s comforting to know that you will be thinking of us. My husband was such a lovely man and there is now an enormous chasm in this family’s life.
Must carry on though- that’s what he would want…
Bless you and thanks again.
Ann
Xx
Thinking of you and sending love., you’ll make him proud and it will be such a relief once you’ve done it xx