I’m finally getting to go for some Counselling.I have been attending the Bereavement Drop in sessions at Kirkwood Hospice and last Monday i asked about One to One Counselling.The following day a lady rang me with the offer of an appointment for 3pm this afternoon.My words that was certainly quicker than i expected.I’ve been on Cruise Bereavements list since May and they said they had a 6 month waiting list for Counselling.Hopefully the counselling at the Hospice will go well.Am nervous.
Johnboy, you will be fine, let this person help you, get it all out. Perhaps you might want to write down some of the things you want to say. However just relax and get the most out of the experience that you can
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Thank you so much for your reply Georgina. The initial meeting is always the hardest and i’m sure i’ll be fine once it gets going.
Have been for the counselling session and it felt good to open up to her and describe things in a bit of detail.She said that what i’m going through is perfectly natural and seeing as its only 5 months its to be expected. She praised me for having attended the drop in session on every other Monday and to keep going to them.Shes booked me in for another session same time in 2 weeks. She thinks i dont really need many sessions on one to one.I think shes right i just needed that chat to be able to open up as i’ve had no support other than online.
Good for you, it will get easier, oh I know people say that and you think it never will but I am 10 month down the line and although I don’t feel great, I have some enjoyable days and the pain is not so intense. Take really good care of yourself, you deserve to be happy
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Hi johnboy I spoke to you a while back I’ve now been for 5 sessions of counciling and I think it has helped me don’t get me wrong I’m a complete wreck when I’m in there but it does help somehow stay strong and take care
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Thank you Georgina. I think even you at 10 months down the line is still early days.I’m the same as you i have some good days and some down days. You also take care of yourself and likewise you deserve to be happy too
Hi Janey. Thats good that the counselling sessions have helped you.Yes i can understand you being a complete wreck when you are in there i was the same yesterday. Good luck with the rest of your sessions and take good care
Janey, Johnboy
I was reading your messages about counselling and interested in how you think they are helping or not. I’m on waiting list at Sue Ryder and Cruse but have last week taken the option from my employers medical scheme to have counselling, it was my first sessions last week and she was very nice and yes it was upsetting but felt good to talk to someone. Does counselling make you feel better down the line as the last week in mornings and especially evenings when Inget home from work have been even worse emotionally for me than before.
I know it’s only 6 weeks yesterday since I lost my wife June but seem to have gone a bit on a downward spiral this last week.
Dave
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Hi dave I have actually gave up the counciling I have been five times now and every time I come out I’m a wreck it is good to get all your emotions out but I think personally you could speak to one of your friends the same way it’s been nearly 6months now since Robert died and I still feel the same as I did at the beginning I’m doing every day things but with a struggle it’s just learning to live with what has happened and learning to accept that my life now is on my own Robert and I didn’t have any kids so I’m lonely at times as you know I’ve told you Ive got good family and friends support but it’s not the same try the counciling and see how you feel about it it has helped me but I’ve decided to try and cope on my own let me know how you get on take care x
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Janey
Thanks for your reply.
I have another sessions on Friday this week so I’ll see how that one goes, sometimes I can talk to our best friends but they knew June even as long as I did so it’s a bit emotional still talking to them.
I’m lucky that I have two wonderful daughters and son in laws to help as well but good old Dad has to be seen to be strong for them.
I feel Janey you are a very strong lady in what you say in your messages and your family and friends have and are helping and I’m sure Robert would be proud of you.
I’ll certainly keep in touch and let you know how I get on with counselling
Thanks for your messages it does help me
Dave
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Hi Dave. I still have the off days and probably will do for a long time to come.Some bad some good.I did find that the counselling helped me to get things off my chest things that were niggling me so to speak.Counselling wont ever take the pain of losing someone away it just helps you to make some sort of sense of things.As well as the counselling i go to the hospice for a drop in session every other Monday it helps to talk to people in the same boat and each time about 11:15 a few of us go in to another room and sit and sort of work through it all each taking a turn to speak.You are certainly at a very early stage.I myself was kept busy with the red tape etc for the first few weeks plus i stayed at dads for 4 days while bro went off on a fishing trip so looking after dad got me away from here. It wasn’t until 2 months ago that i started to feel the emptiness and now the long nights are drawing in i feel a bit sad there too.Hang on in there mate it will get easier as time goes by or so i’m told.
Johnboy
I know counselling won’t take the pain away and Im not really sure what I will get out of it but the first session did make me feel at ease even though it was upsetting and have my next session on Friday and feel this week even more emotion than last week so not sure what we’ll get out of it.
I know I’m in early stages but have never been a patient person and June in her own way loved that about me.
Oh tell me about red tape it’s still going on and boy have I shouted and got angry at people over a counter or phone, that’s just how I feel and has got to me as I’ve never been an aggressive person, forward yes but this Dave I don’t like at the moment.
I know what you mean Johnboy I’m very apprehensive about these nights drawing in and the thought of Christmas as it was June’s favourite time of the year.
I’ll hang in there as long as I can but if others can get over a loved ones loss then so can I, it’ll be hard for sure and I don’t think I’ll every get over losing June but got to get to some sort of happy place.
Dave
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Yeah the red tape is a nightmare.I used the Tell us Once service when i registered the death at the Reg office.That took a lot off my plate.It’s good that the first session made you feel at ease i was the same.Its early days yet and you will feel lots of emotional i don’t have as many emotional times now though i’m only 5 months down the line.Good Luck with the next session hope you get something from it. I admire your spirit and determination. None of us will ever get over the loss of our loved ones.I’m slowly adjusting to life without Trish i’ll never be completely over her.
I hope you don’t mind me dropping in, but I just wanted to introduce new member Paul, who lost his partner in June. If anyone feels able to reply to Paul, you can find his post here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/loss-my-partner
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That’s fine. Welcome Paul.
Having lost my husband recently after a long fight with cancer, I can identify with so much of this. The red tape is especially frustrating, as patience isn’t my strong point. As far as possible I try to deal with bureaucracy face to face because it’s so much easier to relate to a real human being, but often there’s no alternative to the dreaded call centre and the endless menus. And ‘reporting a death’ is never one of the options offered.
I’ve just been for a counselling session this week and am finding it useful. It’s partly about offloading difficult issues I don’t want to share with my usual circle of supporters and partly about learning new coping strategies. The priority is to identify your own needs and a counsellor should be able to help with that.
Sincerest condolences Dancing Queen. Yes i myself found it all rather daunting.Fortunately the guy at the Bereavement benefit place was very helpful indeed and soon had my claim sorted out.
Glad that you found the counselling very useful and i hope the next sessions go as well. My next one is a week tomorrow.
Dancing Queen
My heart goes out to you for your loss of your husband. I too lost my wife to cancer after a year long battle.
Oh you and me both, patience is not a virtue of mine either, and agree totally there is no press button “?” for bereavement and when you actually through they have no idea how to deal with it. Saying that some have been ok but a couple in particular are frankly appalling.
I had my second counselling sessions on Friday, mostly my counsellor tells me to let out my grief while I’m talking about June my wife, she doesn’t or hasn’t given me any new learning strategies.
Keep strong and always here for a chat if you wish
Dave