I had counciling at the beginning of the grieving process and lasted for 10 weeks.
It really helped me cope with day to day and I always left happier than I did when I arrived.
I find talking to a stranger much better than someone you know, my reason for this is i think friends tell you what you want to hear.
After the 10th session I was told i would be contacted by a trauma councillor, but that never happened and i felt lost and vulnerable as I have been truly affected by my partners loss and cared for her for 3yrs from diagnosis to her final days.
To lose her after a relationship lasting 22yrs has broken me and life is so much harder to deal with as we were meant to live out our lives together.
With me being 53yrs old and 9yrs her senior, I should have gone first not her.
Nothing can help me carry on as normal.
What I witnessed was the worst ever disease imaginable, so cruel and degrading for a woman.
I had no help from authorities as had 1 visit every 3 weeks from district nurse to change her cathata,unless it blocked then she would call when needed.
Everything else i did myself because I loved my partner so much.
My partner battled for 3yrs with stage 4 cervical cancer.
Every problem associated with this i saw first hand and i would not wish this to any woman.
It destroys the woman, there loved one and any family member left behind.
I have turned to poetry to try and release feelings i build up through my grieving.
I dont know what else to do apart from writing and talking to the community.
Take care everyone.
One of the issues I have with counselling is let’s say you go to your doctor he or she refers you to a counsellor which can take several weeks knowing you need immediate help which doesn’t help that person. The counsellor contacts you and sometimes you get questioned on the phone as to why you need counselling. Seriously it’s obvious why you need counselling. I had that. I was on the phone to this counsellor I made it quite clear how much of a stupid question that is I then I thought to myself I’m not going to continue this phone call I promptly put the phone down and blocked and deleted the number. I mean seriously it took a lot to ask for bereavement help.
Later on I thought this time I’m going to make it perfectly clear to my doctor if you refer me to a bereavement counsellor I don’t want a repetition he agreed with me. He referred me to a different counsellor it was then I found out there would only be 6 sessions. That’s no good I said to my doctor but I decided to give it a go constantly thinking to myself this is a complete waste of my time
On first session with this counsellor I asked them if they had any experience of bereavement to which the answer was no I don’t. I then said how can you possibly counsel me if you have no experience to which the counsellor replied I’m only here to counsel you. I replied ok I’ll give you a try but If I found it’s not helping me then I will end the sessions. At the second session I poured my heart out crying in floods of tears telling this counsellor how I felt. I looked at the expression on her face. I composed myself get it together you stupid man I thought to myself. She asked me why do you blame yourself for what was out of your control. To which replied I thought I’d already told you. It was then I ended the second session and subsequent sessions
After that complete waste of my time I decided I was going to deal with this by myself I have to take responsibility for my grief no one can do it for me.
Only you can do it no one can do it for you.
Grief does not discriminate anyone who’s grieving it’s only mission to hurt and torture you no matter how you take it head on.
I sought support from my dad and my best mate who truly listen and don’t judge or tell yourself to pull yourself together. The only person I thought who truly cared about me is my partner( she doesn’t care) who lost her mum. She of all people should understand and yet she thinks it’s acceptable to tell me my grief isn’t the same as hers. That annoys me a great deal
This is a person who was arguing with me on the day I went to see my mum at the funeral parlour. I was In a right state but all she could do she hadn’t even lost her mum at the point. I’ve never forgiven her for it. How can you forgive someone who thinks it’s acceptable to argue on that particular day. When I got to the funeral parlour I just wanted to see my mum one last time and maybe say goodbye. I came out and my partner the heartless woman couldn’t even put her arms around me. That’s caring. Not
What a lovely thing to be able to write poetry. I hope it brings you some solace and peace. I am 4 weeks into losing my husband to heart failure. I understand the lonilness of not having someone there even for the daft things.my husband was 16 years older than me he was 75. I nursed him .until he had to go into hospital. Its awful.xxx
Had my second counselling session today, there were a few awkward silences as I’m not good at talking to people about emotions. It was suggested I write a letter to my mum telling her how I feel even though she’ll never receive it. I did this after the session and also wrote to my dad and cat. Reading them back to myself afterwards was quite emotional.
Just make sure that it’s actually professional counselling that you’re accessing. I say this because I had my first session with Cruse today after a 6-month wait, and it was pretty dire. The guy talked too much, made assumptions, and basically used the session as an interrogation, grilling me on the tragedy and how it unfolded. He asked for details about the GP surgery my dad was at, and which hospital he was treated at. He ended the call by thanking me and saying that it was “very interesting” talking to me (?!?!!)
I complained straight away and asked to be assigned someone else, but it’s only this evening that I’ve discovered that they are only trained volunteers, and not professional counsellors. I find their webpage misleading, as on it it says something like “Do I need bereavement counselling?”.
However, I should add that prior to that I had 6 sessions paid for by my employer, with a professional counsellor, and they were really beneficial. The counselling was part of a package, in my eyes: talking to people on here, talking to my best friend, having counselling, and choosing self care. Unfortunately, though, the contract between the counsellor and my employer states that I have to wait six months until I can have paid counselling with her 