Hi… am totally new to this and not sure we’re to start but hoping am not the only one struggling with grief a year on from losing my mum.
Just before Covid my mums cancer came back and she started treatment again etc but when the first lockdown hit her treatment was put on hold and stopped, unfortunately she deteriorated quick and passed away. As many who lost someone during lockdown at the beginning the rules were so strict, I wasn’t able to have a funeral for mum only me and my brother were able to watch from a distance when she was being buried, so no ceremony or family and friends gathering.
This hit me hard and I don’t think that has helped with accepting she’s gone.
I looked after mum from when she had cancer the first time and was her full time carer for 6/7 years. When the cancer came back I was so broken I felt my world crashing down around me with no control. I haven’t been the same since she died and it’s been just over a year now and I can honestly say and I feel embarrassed to admit but I don’t feel any better if am honest I feel more pain every day, I just can’t accept she’s gone and miss her so much the pain is so difficult to get through. I came on here to hope that this is how others feel but at the same time I hope no one does feel the same. If that makes sense.
Am struggling with my grief and others around me just make me feel bad for still struggling, they don’t do it on purpose but telling me to move on it’s been a year now just makes me feel like am failing in griefing, that am taking to long and if am honest I really can’t see me being myself again with out my mum as she was my best friend and the pain is so hard to carry. So I feel so alone and unable to talk about my pain/feelings with my family and friends as know that it’s been a while they have moved on and I haven’t.
If anyone has any advice or understands what I mean, it would be comforting to know am not the only one who is still finding it so hard after losing a parent.