Coupling with Grief

Hi… am totally new to this and not sure we’re to start but hoping am not the only one struggling with grief a year on from losing my mum.
Just before Covid my mums cancer came back and she started treatment again etc but when the first lockdown hit her treatment was put on hold and stopped, unfortunately she deteriorated quick and passed away. As many who lost someone during lockdown at the beginning the rules were so strict, I wasn’t able to have a funeral for mum only me and my brother were able to watch from a distance when she was being buried, so no ceremony or family and friends gathering.
This hit me hard and I don’t think that has helped with accepting she’s gone.

I looked after mum from when she had cancer the first time and was her full time carer for 6/7 years. When the cancer came back I was so broken I felt my world crashing down around me with no control. I haven’t been the same since she died and it’s been just over a year now and I can honestly say and I feel embarrassed to admit but I don’t feel any better if am honest I feel more pain every day, I just can’t accept she’s gone and miss her so much the pain is so difficult to get through. I came on here to hope that this is how others feel but at the same time I hope no one does feel the same. If that makes sense.
Am struggling with my grief and others around me just make me feel bad for still struggling, they don’t do it on purpose but telling me to move on it’s been a year now just makes me feel like am failing in griefing, that am taking to long and if am honest I really can’t see me being myself again with out my mum as she was my best friend and the pain is so hard to carry. So I feel so alone and unable to talk about my pain/feelings with my family and friends as know that it’s been a while they have moved on and I haven’t.
If anyone has any advice or understands what I mean, it would be comforting to know am not the only one who is still finding it so hard after losing a parent.


Hi. I can understand exactly how you feel. Losing your mum is devastating . We think our mum will always be there. I lost my mum seven years ago and lost my husband ten months ago. My friends make me feel that I should be doing better in my grief. It makes me feel under pressure to feel better but I don’t. How can you greave for twenty years of love in just ten months. I can’t and I don’t think I should be made to feel less or inadequate because I can’t move forward. I miss my husband so much. Every single part of my life has changed from waking, he is not by my side. Watching tv he is not there to guess the ads. He is not there to make tea for. There are no hugs no I love you no bum dancing in our narrow kitchen no singing silly songs together. There is no timescale for grief and it is unique to each of us. I have never experienced pain and sadness like this. . I am anxious all the time. I felt safe in the arms of my husband and this has now gone. The realisation that I will never kiss his lips or hug him is so hard to bear. Don’t feel you have to move on and feel pressure from friends. Cry when you need to and talk to your mum as if she is still with you. Take care x