I mean Deborah James of course. Have such brain fog lately
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It would be great for the dogs, Iāve been pretty jealous about all the gardening so that would be great!
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I get upset about the age thing too, my mum was only 58, 10 days off 59 and I feel I was cheated out of so many years. But like you said then you look at Deborah James and you realise life just isnāt fair sometimes, sadly not everyone reaches that average age.
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Yeah my mum was exactly 3 weeks before her 75th 
x
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It just seems so unfair doesnāt it. Although my mum could of lived to 1000 and it still wouldnāt be enough time for me.
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Very true! My other amazingly dumb take - what if I live to a 100 and have to love longer without her than with her. Brains are dumb lol!
Back from the doctors and all the bloods okay bar low vitamin B. Most of it is a body on a circle of years of having had a bad illness (I had a septic gallbladder and an auto immune illness before that), stress, life now grief oh and peri menopause. I have some internal scar tissue which is pulling. Blood pressure is up as it usually is.
It was my GP penultimate day before retiring. She was mine and mums GP for 24. When I got up to leave she gave me a big hug and we cried.
Hope to get back to a chiropractor and start looking after myself health wise to make all these niggles more manageable.
Popped to M&S and got some pieces together to make a little hamper for Granddads birthday and also a cake.
Cuppa time and then back to work
Hope everyoneās funks arenāt too heavy today 
Beki x
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I donāt think thatās dumb at all! Itās scary thinking I could live longer without her then I have with her.
Blimey you are being hit with it all right now arenāt you! At least your appointment went well though. I collected my anxiety medication today so hoping it will help ease it, Iāve only been put on them for 7 days though so Iām not sure what happens after that.
I bet it was sad saying goodbye to your doctor, especially as she was your mums too.
Your granddadās hamper sounds lovely, I love M&S.
Back to work for me this evening.
Hope everyone is having a kind day.
Lucy x
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Loving the profile pic Suzanne . Did you manage to upload it easily enough ?x
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How did you get on with your job hunting go today Neil, find anything that might interest you .
Debbie X
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Yes thank you Neilā¦your instructions were spot on 
x
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@NEILB72, @LucyF90, @christine51ā¦.if you would like to join a WhatsApp group private message is and weāll add you x
No pressure xx
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Hi Suzanne
Thank you for the offer but thatās not really for me x
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Hello everyone,
I hope youāre all ok. As can beā¦ā¦
I donāt think this horrible weather helps anyones moods at the moment.
Been really quite weepy these last few days. Canāt seem to shake it. I went into work yesterday for the first time since before mum to see about going back. Will be the week after next but on reduced hours for a bit. Was nice to see people but sad at the same time as the last time time I was thereā¦ I donāt think my manager has a lot of sympathy or empathy though. So not too helpful. But will see how things go.
How has your job search been Neil? I hope you are ok.
Iām panicking cos Iāve lost count of how many weeks itās been somehow but canāt bring myself to even look at that date on my calendar. I think itās 20 weeks this week.
Debbie I was going to say there is one good thing about Wimbledonā¦. They put eastenders on iplayer so I can watch it when I want too!
I hope everyone elseās weeks is going ok. Thinking of you all and send lots of love
Nic xxx
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Hi Nic
Been a pretty crap week so far. Feeling down Monday and yesterday . As for today, went for an appointment to help with my job search and got bombarded with online courses , modules and other stuff that I havent got a clue about.
This is a company my work coach referred me to. Wish he didnt now , I was managing better before. All I want is to get more job vacancies sent to me, keep my CV up to date and some help with my anxiety going back to the workplace. Nobody bloody listens to me . Really glad my friend phoned earlier as have been getting overwhelmed with it all again today.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Neil,
Iāve got lots of modules to catch up on when I go back plus all new post office sessions etc. itās too much when going through what we are going through. Try not to let it overwhelm you if you can and take it slow and steady and donāt rush yourself. Have you seen doctor about anxiety? Maybe they can write a letter or something so the job search isnāt so overwhelming and people might support you a bit more? I donāt know. Iām not looking forward to going back. How can I go back to normal when normal no longer exists?
Been a bad week for me too.
We keep going thoughā¦. Do you have any shows planned?
Love Nic xxx
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Sorry itās been a tough time Neil. As an instructional designer I feel I should apologise for online modules. E-learning etc is a great thing but only in the right place!!
Hopefully something that takes your fancy job wise will come along soon
And glad your friend phoning helped and let you have a good rant.
Hope you have a gentle evening
Beki x
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Hi Nic
I was getting on OK and my job search was getting better as my work coach said. Then he refers me to this and itās not something that will help me.
Saw my GP a while ago and since then I had got everything going in the right direction. Just this week having a setback .
No shows planned this week but have one next week with a couple more in July. Might do something at the weekend . Will check finances tomorrow
Speak again soon
Neil x
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Hi Beki
Nothing against modules but they are not what I was looking for . I will talk to my work coach tomorrow and explain to him . Heās usually pretty good .
Just need to be able get through this at my own pace and if I need help then I will take it .This time last week I had a clear head and need to get in that place again.
Hope you have a good evening
Love and best wishes Neil x
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Hi Neil
Sorry to hear youāve had rough days. Think we are all a bit shaky at the moment. I can just imagine how all this red tape is getting to you. Donāt let them push you. Easier said, I know. Hopefully youāll get something thatās perfect for you very soon.
xx
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Hi Tina and thank you.
Itās horrible when it all starts getting overwhelming again. I just want to not be rushed as that is very important and my counsellor said as much. My head is not clear enough to be full of modules and downloads. Thatās not even what I want anyway.
Iāll get it sorted , I am confident of that !
Hope your evening is as good as can be
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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