Have sent Beki my number, a WhatsApp group sounds great!
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Hi Neil, just take job hunting at your own pace, deep breaths and one thing at a time. The trouble with the work place nowadays everything is on line and alot of it is just box ticking to say I know this or I have passed that.
Glad your friend phoned, itās good to talk to someone when you feel overwhelmed.
Thinking of you tomorrow, hope your UC meeting is ok.
Sending love
Debbie X
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Hi Nic
Your going to be nervous about going back to work itās only natural. Just take it at your own pace, easy to say I know but donāt let you line manager pressurise you.
Debbie X X
Absolutely not a problemā¦we still have here for each other xx
Hope your day was ok today as I know these days can often be difficult x
That was lovely of your dancer friend to think of youā¦small things like that seem to mean more to me nowadays and maybe you feel the same xx
Just finished seeing Green Day so am knackered but what an amazing night x
Will chat soon so sleep well xx
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Hi Suzanne
Feeling a bit better this morning but will be glad to get to the end of the week.
Really pleased you had a good time watching Green Day . Have a good rest now and will catch up soon. Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi all.
Good to hear you are feeling a bit stronger today Neil.
Hope your work goes ok too Nic. People can only do what they can do in their own time.
Much love to everyone.
xx
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Hi all,
Didnāt realise it was so long since I posted. Saying hello and thank you for the private messages. I donāt get the notifications to email anymore. Feeling very lost. Went swimming with my niece quite a few times now and took my little nephew which he loved with the waves. Also been on my own but very boring. Went shopping for birthday pressies and flipflops. Very surreal being out in the world when mam isnāt a part of it anymore. Happy thoughts and laughing feels very odd, hollow, not real. Iāve been isolated for 6 months and felt able to try and I feel so uncomfortable that all I think about is mam not being here and why didnāt I make more effort to do things she would have liked. Got all my plug plants and roses in but no sense of achievement. While I was working to a goal I was motivated and now feel uninterested in it. Still have potted plants to dig in but just donāt have the energy. Also having to sleep a lot with the swimming. Totally worn out.
Got a real fright yesterday when I went to therapy. Had a full day planned so picked my niece up before and dropped her at the park so we could go skip after and then swim. Couldnāt get parked so went round again and there was the creep coming up the bank. I had to pull in to let him past. He must have followed me to the park and then couldnāt catch up because of the traffic and lights. There was no reaction when my car was infront of his as I was coming down the bank. He must have followed me. This is the second time Iāve caught him just because I couldnāt park. I donāt know about any of the times heās been there and I havenāt noticed. But this is serious now because my niece is still a teenager and the thought of him following her round the park is truly frightening. I donāt know who he is and what he is capable of and if he is following me just to therapy (same time, same route, weekly). Donāt know what he gets out of doing that. And because I donāt have his full name I canāt look up info about him, find out if he works in that area and its just a massive unrealistic coincidence. This incident follows my complaining about him throwing bread overt the fence when Iāve been getting the loft sealed and insulation replaced again. Heās moved his table and chairs since because I had sent photographic evidence to the council. I have also had to complain about the housing woman who knocked unannounced complaining about my compost bins (nothing about the creep). She is the person who tried to intimidate me about my original complaint when the creep carved a hole in the loft wall. She was so defensive of him and didnāt believe anything I said. I havenāt heard back yet and itās been passed to management. So stressful. Iāve had to deal with all the workmen doing the repairs and am waiting today for another which didnāt turn up the other day. And all I keep thinking of is mam and want to cry.
My dad left a message which I picked up late, saying he was going on holiday soon and if I needed him (why would I?) to use mams old mobile. No apology. Just like Suzanne said, acting like nothing ever happened and things are normal. I havenāt phoned back. And my sister is still ignoring me. Iāve tried to find out why but my niece isnāt telling me so I have to leave it because she is obviously uncomfortable about the situation. And my sister up north will not chat while she is driving (hands free) so obviously doesnāt want to talk to me either. My family is so dysfunctional. It makes me so sad that mam had such a battle to keep everyone together, despite all the turmoil. All she ever wanted was a peaceful life. She is such a kind and loving soul. I just feel so very sad again that she isnāt here and feels so far away that Iāve lost the connection I had to her through being devastated. Itās like Iāve exhausted myself and can barely cry now. Itās there. It just wonāt come out.
I really do feel so out of touch with feeling anything. Everything is hollow. Itās 31 weeks today and I just want things to go back to normal. Anything I do just gets me through the day. Otherwise I would be sitting waiting or sleeping but doing nothing. I must seem like my old self to my niece but itās such a fake reality. Going through the motions but not feeling present. Like the joy or substance of doing has been destroyed. I wonder if my life will be like this until I join her and Iām so afraid that there wonāt be an afterlife and then the waiting would be for nothing. I donāt believe anyone can really live again after losing a loved one. Itās just pretending to be in the world or realising it was always this hollow but I didnāt know it then.
Sorry for the rant. Going to lie down with the little mamma cat from along the doors. She such a sweet heart. I was up at 5.30 with my Porscha screaming for chicken. Iām sure sheās getting dementia. She screams when she doesnāt know where I am and only stops when I shout to her.
Sorry for taking so long to get back to you all. I seem to have drifted from one day into the next somehow. Itās like losing my anchor. But Iāll try to keep posting, even if it is just to say hello.
Lots of love xxx
And hello and welcome to the lovely Lucy. x
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Christine!! I am SO pleased to see your post (though obviously sorry and sad that youāve had some very tough days in there but just relieved to see you check in , weāve all missed you š«
I have lots of garden updates to bore you with!!
Got to run and hoover before Granddad arrives but again, so pleased to hear from you. Take care xx
Beki x
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Hi Christine
Lovely to see you posting again. As you can see from our posts weāre all up and down at different times. After a few weeks of up Iām having a week of down . Mumās 7 month anniversary of her passing today . I know your Mum passed about a week before mine. These are the days when we feel it most.
Well its lovely to see you posting again and will speak again soon
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hello Christine
Nice to hear from you again. I know youād never want to have to start a thread like this but youāve brought people together and over 2.500 posts is a lot of chit-chats and support and it has all been down to your initial post. It wouldnāt be the same without the leader of the pack on board!
Your neighbour is a slippery one to catch out isnāt he. Do you have an in-car camera? My brother has one and youād be amazed at what you can see. Itās great that you are out and about and who knows, now you are not a āsitting targetā the same the creepy neighbour may lose interest to a degree.
Anyway, the main thing is that you are as OK as possible. Post if and when you like to, no pressure. Weāve missed the garden updates by the way!!
xxx
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Hi Christine,
Iām so sorry to hear about everything thatās going on, as if losing your mum wasnāt enough you then have to deal with all this on top of it. Itās nice that you spend so much time with your niece and nephew, it must be a nice distraction.
Itās absolutely ridiculous that no one is doing anything about your awful neighbour, the police and the council should be straight onto this.
You should be proud that youāve started such a lovely thread, I know none of us want to be in this situation but we all have each other for support which is amazing. When I was looking through old posts I loved seeing your garden so Iām hoping to see more of them.
I hope everyone is doing as well as can be.
Lucy x
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So pleased to hear from you 
x
Obviously some of the things you have written ie Creep following you are truly concerning and if you can get his registration number and keep a note of it if you have your niece in the car or that and you see him again get her to take photos in her phone as that will register time and date and you can check on a pattern and then go to police x
So happy to hear though that you are still swimming with your niece and seeing your nephew and your niece must really love you to not want to upset you (if indeed there is anything to say) by saying why her mum isnāt talking x
Your dad is so predictable 
and I wouldnāt phone him either lol x but you may feel strong enough to do that sometime in the future x
Anyway lovely hearing from you and please if possible donāt leave it as long 
xx
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Hi Neil,
Sorry to hear that itās 7 months today as that must be hard on you especially with most of the equipment being returned.
I was reading about your job hunting and modules etc and can see why you seem to be frustrated and possibly a bit pissed off 
x why do they have to make it so difficult these to help people get into work?? x My friend is going through the same thing as UC are making her apply for jobs she canāt possibly take because she has very little flexibility cause she looks after her granddaughter and when sheās home she hasnāt time, inclination or interest to sit and wade through modules she has no interest in.
Could somewhere like the CAB have a look at your CV and advise you? x
You were saying you have a couple of shows lined up for next week? I seem to remember you say you were going to Royal Opera House soon or did I make that up lol x
Didnāt get home from the concert last night til 3am so I am knackeredā¦when did I get so old that one late night kills me 
x
Anyway talk soon and like you very relieved to see a post from Christine and if I can help at all with anything to help you get employment let me know xx
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Hi Christine, it is so good to see you post again we were all worried about you especially with that weirdo next door.
I agree with Suzanne get a car camera and his registration number and report him to the police. There is a law about Storking people and he is definitely doing it to you.
As for that snotty housing officer Iām glad you complained about her. No one should have to put up with the hassle you have been going through.
When we moved house once the new property was a tip left by previous tenants and we were clearing the garden waiting for a skip to arrive. The housing officer had the cheek to take a photo and tell us to clear the garden, he soon went away with a flea in his ear.
Iām pleased you getting out and about more and enjoying swimming and being with your niece and nephew.
We have all got dysfunctional members of our family, mine are more on Dougās side. A story either for private email or if you decided to join the WhatsApps group, but no pressure.
I think your right your dad does seem to be carrying on as if nothing has happened, itās a shame because he could be missing out on a lovely relationship with his daughters.
But you know what they say, you can choose your friends but your stuck with your relatives.
Nice to Porscha is keeping you on you toes, again dogs have family but cats have servants.
I have this on my wall at home.
You might have seen in an earlier post I went to a cat cafe last weekend, definitely made up my mind to get another cat when I come back from holiday.
Anniversaries are hard, looking back you canāt believe how much time has past and how you ever managed to get through it. We are all in this together to help and support each other.
Sending love
Debbie X X
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Hi Suzanne
Great that you had such a good time at the concert.
Iām a bit more relaxed now . Had UC appointment and my work coach is pleased and said the employment company he referred me to should change things to the way I want them to benefit me. UC are the ones in charge. Next appt with them is a phone one .
Feeling much better now on Mums 7 month anniversary . Just had a few days that were not too good.
Next week is show week and the opera Madam Butterfly , my last of 7 shows at ROH this season. Already planning on seeing my lovely Royal Ballet friends next season and keeping up to date with them all as much as I can.
Hope your Thursday has been good and itās nice to see Christine back here with us
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Glad to hear that Neil as you were sounding quite frustrated at them not listening to what you actually want/need so very pleased to hear that you are in charge and that your work coach is pleased with you. That would take a lot off your mind.
I just loved wandering round London looking at all the venues and what shows were on etc so my friend and I will go down again as I want to see the Lion Kingā¦again!! and have said for her to choose a show so that will be interesting as actually not sure what she will pick x wonāt be for a few months though as you will understand completely how expensive it all isā¦actually now once thought of itā¦no upgrades for us x
If you want to see the hotel I was at when you are at the ROH head up to the Zizziās on the corner and just along from the row of Pride phone boxes on the right is the Fielding Hotelā¦would highly recommend if no mobility issues as no lift x
Chat soon 
x
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Hi Suzanne
Certainly spoilt for choice and thatās just the west end . Some of our greatest theatres not even in the West End. When youāre down in London again, where you saw Frozen do a really good tour . I did it a few years ago and they have updated it now x
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Yes very good advice indeed Suzanne x
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