Thank you for posting this Suzanne. And one day it will be true xx
Hahaha good idea Debbie but Iād get sent to the stocks if I got found out. And I probably would get found out, Iām not clever enough for subterfuge!! x
Hi Neil
Oh yes I get you now about the Queen thing. I had got my wires crossed and misunderstood that it was a musical and not a concert. Iām just not with it these days! x
Thatās nice Suzanne x
Have you got a fan base Neil. Iāve been missing quite a few interesting tidbits recently !! x
Hi Tina,
Iām still not feeling great and was reading and liking posts but I couldnāt let this thing with your brother go without saying something. I really donāt understand it. He must be really insecure if he canāt laugh at people thinking you are a couple. Iād behave like a couple just to wind him up for my own amusement. That would have been a lovely day out and youāre missing out because of him. Itās all about him and not anything about you.
Going to have a little bbq with my nieces and nephews later. Hope the creep isnāt in from work. Have a large piece of [plastic to put up to stop him watching through the hedge but I donāt know what is worse - seeing him lurking or wondering if heās lurking and not being sure.
Suzanne also said about getting a camera for the car. Still havenāt looked. So exhausted. Managed to get round the garden with the hose yesterday and couldnāt wake up this morning. Also did the fishtank so have the bathroom to clean. I just have no physical energy.
Thinking of you all but special love to Beki on her mams birthday. Brings tears just thinking of how lost you will be feeling today.
Love to all xxx
Thank you @christine51 It was a weird day and weekend. Granddad very upset as he was used to having a joint celebration with Mum with their birthdays being close together. He was her step dad, my step granddad but I keep forgetting he knew her longer than me - 50 years of celebrating birthdays together.
Still we had a nice time - garden centre, lunch out and doing more bits in the garden. Heās happiest when he is doing something.
Trying a full week back at work today
Hope you can get some rest - the physical exhaustion is so real and debilitating in grief
Beki x
Hi Christine.
Hope the barbie is relaxing and you have a few laughs here and there. What I did to prevent having to get on my hands and knees every time Zoes ball went through the fence was to use some spare Tarpaulin and nailed it to the high open fence. I made it so the green sides of the sheet was visible and all neat and it just blended in with the greenery. Itās easy, temporary, light to handle and gives complete privacy. I didnāt use it for privacy as there are trees behind the fence but I suppose it could actually be used for privacy. Just a thought.
Itās just the tip of the iceberg with my brother Christine. Itās a self-fulfilling prophecy isnāt it and you begin to believe and act as you are treated. I tend not to say anything if I can help it to eliminate further bad feeling.
It must be hard to know exactly what the creep does with living on ground level. Itās not as though you have several good vantage points. Unless of course you have some tall trees you can shimmy up and attach a camera on!
Enjoy your day as much as you can. xx
Hi everyone.
Just thought Iād say good afternoon to all.
Hope the Job Centre have found you something nice Neil.
I donāt know, I keep waking up expecting things to have just been temporary and get in a state. Then towards the end of the night Iāll go to bed in a better, more ānormalā place but then wake up as bad as ever. Maybe we are on guard while we are fully awake but in the seni-consciousness of sleep when we first wake, we donāt have the mental capacity to put up a fight.
Keep going all xx
I know what you mean Tina, I often have the feeling Iām in some kind of alternative reality and when I wake up in the morning, it will be all just as it was and Doug is still here.
I remember you said it would have been your husbandās birthday about now, with that and your brother to put up with no wonder your feeling a bit lost.
Sending big hug 
X x
Oh Christine, when Tina said about a barbie, I had this image in my mind of you all playing with dolls.
Hope you have a lovely BBQ with your niece and nephew, and the creep leaves you in peace.
Grief does make you exhausted, you canāt do it all just pace yourself. Says the women that doesnāt take her own good advice.
I need to water our garden later everywhere is so dry. I found this moth/butterfly/insect in my garden. Have you any idea what it is. I nearly stood on it, only saw it at the last minute on my path.
Sending love
Debbie X
Hi Neil hope you are okay, any luck with job hunting. At least you have Wednesday to look forward too
Debbie X
Looks like a privit hawk moth but Iām no expert xx
I posted on Facebook and everyone has said the same thing, just had to move it to a safe place in the garden so I didnāt step on it by accident. It must not had minded it crawled up a garden gnome, expect itās waiting for dusk.
Hi Debbie.
Wow thatās a great pic. Would not like to take a guess what insect it is , some sort of moth I presume.
Applied for a couple more jobs today . Doing things st my own pace. Really looking forward to Wednesday. The new Royal Opera House season goes on sale to Friends Members tomorrow for shows in the autumn . Already been looking at the casts for the Royal Ballet that are performing. Got two shows booked and others pencilled in before that though!
Hope you have a good evening
Love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Debbie
Thatās so scary I have to say. Anything that flutters gives me the chills. Hahaha āBarbieā, yes I can see why youād think Dolls. Thatās me showing Iāve watched too many episodes of Home and Away in years gone by!! Not seen that programme in over 20yrars so donāt actually know if itās still broadcast!
Just donāt know what to do with myself to be honest. This time last year it all started to go downhill with Mum, then Husbandās birthday on 8th July. Iām mentally done for now. As I know we all are to a degree at times. Mum had Alzheimerās and things were really traumatic at times. I will sign off now before I get carried away and bring everyone down.
xx
Itās still on Tinaā¦every night at 6.30pm and Alf Stewart is still there 
xx
I donāt mine anything that flutters, it things with 8 legs 
that I hate.
My mum had dementia, we didnāt realise until she had left my dad laying on the floor when he fell in the bedroom. My dad had been so good at covering for her.
Iāll be with you on the 8th itās the date every month that reminds me itās the date Doug died.
If you need to talk just do it, you wonāt bring us down.
Xx
@NEILB72ā¦you doing ok today? Or just looking forward to tomorrow? x what kind of jobs have you been applying for? xx