Hi Debbie,
You are most welcome. I did them for us all to do whenever we wanted (between snow showers if we wait).
I was so annoyed about the compost because it was my final day before the temperatures plummet. I’d left my sign out that I was in the garden and to come in the back gate and kept checking all day. Don’t know what has happened. I had a lot of bother trying to order on their site because it voided the payment because of the day chosen but I picked another day and got notice from paypal that the payment was pending so thought it was ok. I did get lots done though and am prepared now to get cracking on the posts, trellises and bamboos (kept putting off doing it).
I was really shocked when I notice the mirror. He can watch me in the gap without even leaving his house! I am constantly amazed at the brass balls on him. He hasn’t put the fence panel back either for the other neighbour. These things wouldn’t even bother me as a rule. It’s because of his behaviour that everything is suspicious now.
I’m sorry to hear you have arthritis. Mam had it and was always taking tablets to try to ease the pain. Whatever you can try do it. You are lucky having neighbours who will look out for your parcels. My neighbours are the ones who would steal them off my doorstep, or take them in, open them and then reseal and think I wouldn’t notice! Again, I’m amazed that people think they can do things like this. I lived in a different world before I moved into this street, a normal world! I’m sure your neighbour will be very touched with her bottle of plonk for xmas. I’ve lost track now of how many times I’ve bought boxes of biscuits to thank the boys at the skip and have eaten them all!
It must be so exciting to go to a dance school rather than mainstream education. I would have loved that! Will keep my fingers crossed for her, even though she doesn’t have a clue who I am and I’m sure doesn’t need any help from anyone.
Porscha is on the move so I will pop back later with pics. I can just imagine you in your xmas jumper and antlers! I managed to save mams latest xmas jumper. She had a new one for her xmas day every year. It has pearls on it and when I wear it it feels like I’m close to her, but it also makes me cry.
Your last week will fly by with all the xmas antics. You seem more upbeat now. It comes in waves and it’s always a relief when we start to climb out of that dip (more like a massive black hole).
Must feed Porsch or she’ll never stop screaming at me! Drives me mad when I’m busy or needing to just sit after doing the garden.
Lots of love xxx
Hi all,
As promised here’s my update from today. Although my compost didn’t arrive for my bulbs I got lots done:
Delighted to see new moss growth on my very old light shade.
Windmills have been moved to the naughty gnomes top pond. Think were frightening my magpies drinking from the fountain. Hope to see them again soon.
Fairies have moved into their new homes in the bathtub.
Been sunning themselves
and getting up to all sorts of mischief.
Little buddhas watch over them
and have created a stepping stones pathway to their new home. Hope they’re settling down now and not tormenting the cats all night.
Plants are fleeced. Hope my strawberries survive.
Bamboo rolls are cut to size for trellises (big job as had to tie ends together to secure)
and the last panel added at the top trellis. Will paint green in the Spring.
Top spike is in and waiting for me tomorrow. Not looking forward to fixing posts but if I try to get one done with the trellis and bamboo it will be a good start and will spur me on.
Need to find somewhere to show off the back and legs from the old battered bench. Reminds me of the old garden.
I am so exhausted!
Thinking of you all. Tina and Suzanne have their anniversaries tomorrow. Wishing their days go well with many happy thoughts and memories of mams and their special love. And thinking of Beki. Little Peggy will be with your mam now , loved just as she has been with you. You’ll see them again. x
I’m in bed now with Porsch snoring by my bed in her little nest. I keep snuggling her in with more cardies. It was peaceful until the roar of a motorbike outside. Feeling calm apart from the palpitations I get when I’m resting and not on the move. Think it’s my anxiety. Brace yourselves for the cold. Going to be -1 here.
Lots of love xxx
Morning all,
Special love to Suzanne and Tina today and their mams, and Beki, grandad and little Peggy xxx
Woke up to a very crisp garden this morning.
Porsch didn’t even venture out there for her toilet after breakfast but sat at the door just having a look. Lots of birds feasting on seeds. So pleased I put out fresh seed yesterday. Forgot to mention the squirrel I saw too nibbling on rose hips. Must get some fat balls.
I love climbing back into bed for my cuppa after feeding Porsch (soz all the workers) and listening to the flurry of cars as peeps head out. The quiet hum of heating and hot water reminds me of being little, with mam downstairs preparing for the day ahead. The hush of an early morn has a presence of its own. It’s my fave time of day.
Plans are the dreaded fence posts and trellis panels. If I can get the first one up I can do one a day after that. Wish me luck!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Suzanne
Thinking of you today on your Mum’s first anniversary. Really hope you can get through the day as best you can and think of all those great memories you have of your precious Mum. She will undoubtedly be smiling down on you .
Will post later to see how you are . We are all here for you.
Sending lots of love
Neil xxx
Hi Tina
Thinking of you on your Mum’s anniversary. You are very much prominently in my thoughts. Hope you can get through the day as best as you can and really hope your great memories of your precious Mum are coming to the fore today.
Will post again later to see how you are.
Sending all my love
Neil xxx
Hi Beki
Just checking in to see how you are today after your sad loss. You are in my thoughts.
Will post again later to see how you are.
Sending all my love
Neil xxx
@christine51 thank you so much for my sky lanterns. That is very kind of you and I am very touched by you thinking of me.
Have to admit to feeling pretty atrocious today, almost like the first days after Mum again. Shaking, shivers, sweating, heart palpitations, fear.
Have had a cuddle with granddad. I am trying to do some work and he’s just brought me a peace of a lemon cake as my appetite has gone.
Oh what a shitty tough journey life can be!
Beki x
Thank you Neil. Was just saying to Christine I feel pretty atrocious if I am honest. Brought a lot of feelings back and struggling with that. Also how tired it makes you feel.
Glad to see you are getting out and about to the theatre. Have to say it sounds a very strange take on Sleeping Beauty, I’d probably enjoy it.
Bekix
Hi all, I hope you all the best you can be, sending hugs to you Tina, Zanna and Beki.
I love the photos Christine.
This is a quick dash in to see how you all are. Going to watch my granddaughter dancing in her GCSE showcase at school tonight, so catch up with you all tomorrow.
Sending love
Debbie x
Hi Beki,
You are very welcome. I’m so pleased your lanterns arrived in time for Peggy and, of course, for your mam. I love the idea of sending love up into the heavens to be carried off to the spiritual world we long to know more about but have to wait our turn to get there, like it’s a massive secret.
I’m not surprised you are feeling the same depth of loss for Peggy as for your mam. I’m dreading my Porsch going. But to have her in the garden will be comforting as she’ll be close to you and you can add seasonal flowers around her little grave. I have a box ready for my Porsch. She doesn’t know ! and I hope it stays in the loft for years yet but I’m just very practical (when I’m in control and not falling to pieces). How are the others coping without her? It must be a comfort to know she isn’t suffering anymore. It doesn’t take the pain away but be proud of yourself that you didn’t let her keep going because you couldn’t face having to let her go. It is so heartbreaking. I’ve been in floods of tears (welling up again now). Cats are the most special little creatures, full of love and personality. I’d like to come back as a cat. They have such a pampered life.
Those symptoms you describe are how I am when I’m in a state of complete panic. I’m like that being watched in the garden and having to pretend I’m not about to pass out with fear. It could also be shock. We know now that these things settle and pass with time. It is because we love that we are in so much pain.
I’m really pleased you have your grandad to love you when you need reassurance. Tell him he’s an absolute star! He needs one of those little gold stars we made sticky pictures with in infants. He’s a treasure!
My dad and sister are at the house (literally 2 mins down the road in the car), packing up and getting rid of stuff to the skip. Neither of them have phoned me and continue to ignore me. Really didn’t see it coming after mam leaving. I do envy the closeness you have with your gramps. You are loved and don’t have to do this on your own. Let time pass and whatever you are feeling it will pass too. Peggy had a wonderful life and she will be missed. She’s a lucky little girl to have had you as a mam! And she’ll be with your mam now, getting pampered I’m sure!
I’ve just come in from the garden and will post my pics on the main site. Really pleased with fixing my 3 posts. See you there.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
Enjoy your evening. You must be so proud of her.
Glad you like the pics. It’s because I know everyone is interested that I do it and it creates a seasonal catalogue too. I wish I could show mam how my garden has changed. But I think she was with me today when I was out there doing my posts. Sat on the fence for a while, watching and faffing about. Yesterday I was ‘chatting’ to a bunch of sparrows and they were tweeting back. It was so wonderful to have the birds back in my garden again. I’ve spotted the greedy pigeons, my pair of magpies (since moving the windmills), the big speckled ones, sparrows, bluetits and my little robin. It’s so lovely seeing the babies from the summer when they were tiny and now quite grown.
It took a while to get out there because I was putting off doing it but I’m pleased with my 3 posts, firmly fixed in place. It has taken 5 hours ! Drilling holes and screwing the fixings in place on the original posts, then hammering in the new tall posts and fixing the nut / bolt system, then screwing the new post to the old with the fixings and adding new to strengthen. The top corner was tricky and needed an extra post (lucky I had an offcut that worked) but they are all very strong and need to be for the weight of the trellises (my next job). I know it doesn’t look much ! but here they are:
It was turning dark just as I finished
Although I was hot working away, the frost never budged from areas not in the sun (so pleased I was in the ‘sun room’).
Noticed some trees still have a few leaves (not for long!)
So my job tomorrow is to add trellises and bamboo.
Thinking that the solar lights might be nice fixed to the tops of posts.
At least I won’t be wrestling with the plants tomorrow if I’m up the ladder. Was very tricky indeed and I’m pleased I cut back the blackberries.
Can’t believe how cold it is. 1 degree at the mo (just put heating on) and will be -1 tonight. Having to wipe all the windows on a morning with the condensation.
Hope Suzanne and Tina have had a ‘good’ day, but if not we are all hear waiting for them to pop in. Looking forward to seeing Suzanne’s tattoo. Hope Tina’s bro has behaved himself today and given her the space she needs. Will pop back again after a hot bath.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Thank you very much for your kind wishes and thoughts. Like both yourself and Christine said the anticipation of the date actually was worse than the day.
I spent the day at the tattooist getting a wee badger tattoo and a bigger one on my leg started but will be finished in the new year. Had not too bad a day and when driving to the appointment it started to snow…just like mum was telling me ‘no more tattoos Suze’ 
x and as always I wouldn’t listen lol x
Heading along to my pals tonight for pizza but won’t be too late as working tomorrow.
Was quite surprised though that a couple of my mums pals text me this morning and also a couple of my pals so was nice to know they are thinking of her and me. Needless to say there are a couple I thought would text but haven’t…suppose can’t be too harsh.
How are you doing today? Has today been ok for you? 
x
Hi Suzanne
Pleased that the day has gone off OK so far. It’s definitely the anticipation of the day in the build up to it and the day itself not so bad. My counselling taught me about planning ahead around the day and it really works for me.
No snow here although pretty cold . Although it is December so it should be really.
Had a quiet ish day and planned a couple more shows for next year .
Glad you are OK and enjoy the pizza !
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Beki
I can certainly imagine that , and would be perfectly normal, to be feeling like that. As you say it brings everything back and start grieving all over again. We get so attached to our pets and they are part of the family and always heartbreaking when we lose them.
Hope you will gradually feel little better over the coming days. Will check in with you again tomorrow .
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hello Christine
Thankyou so much for the surprise lanterns Christine, what a kind-spirited gesture. I’ve never seen those before.
The thing with the mirror and neighbour is quite alarming isn’t it. That’s on a different level to his usual behaviour. What a lowlife he is. Your pictures are fantastic. I love the long bench panel. Did you repaint it the blue colour, will you be reassembling it. Knowing me I’d be fixing a piece of wood to the back of the long piece and sticking mosaics, bits and stuff in the gaps and using it as garden wall art. But I’m all talk and no action at the moment. It’s brilliant watching through photos what you have been doing. I think your issue with PayPal has been affecting a lot of people from what I can gather, must be one of those things.
The frost was so hard today but I needed to go Asda so I trod gingerly in the middle of the road. I got to the top and saw a medic car and ambulance and it kind of brought back memories. I had to take a detour home to avoid the worst of the ice as it was all downhill and more treacherous. It was “pinching” cold too I hope it doesn’t last.
We are going to do something tomorrow between all three us but didn’t buy flowers today as undecided with the icy weather, may get a winter plant. Are they called cyclamen? I can’t recall the name but I did see some that looked nice.
I can well understand you feeling unease at your Sister moving but like someone said, Zanna I think, they’ll be getting older and be more in control of their own choices and have more freedom.
I don’t know where the time has been since last year. It’s not even “time” as such, but how much more difficult it would have been without you all is hard to imagine.
I’ll sign off for a bit and get a hot drink - so cold.
Thankyou so much again for the lovely surprise if the lanterns.
Much love xxx
Hi Neil
Thanks so much for your kind words. It is hard to believe where the time has gone. It’s like bit even real time but I think we have all had similar thoughts along the way to some extent. Somehow we’ve got this far. It would have been very much different without you all. I count myself very fortunate in that respect.
I’m going to see if I can get a brew as it’s bitterly cold. Are you isolated or can you get in and out of your road. Some of these little estates aren’t gritted are they and are so treacherous. So take care when you venture out.
Much iove xx
Hi Tina
Glad your day has been OK . Hope you can have a peaceful evening. No snow here . I live on a Main road so I get some then it’s always gritted. Not the side roads though . Been nice and crisp and sunny today so dont mind that too much. Just catching up on the soaps while there is a break in the football
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Tina,
Wonderful to hear from you today. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been. It sounds like it hasn’t been as bad as anticipated, being able to get to the shops, even in the arctic conditions, although seeing an ambulance is the last thing you needed. Even now I think of mam and because the hospital is just up the road they’re always buzzing about when I’m off to therapy or swimming (really let that slide recently with collecting all the bits from the garden and now the freezing temperatures are here not wanting to go as it’s always chilly in there).
So pleased you got your lanterns. You can write messages on there for your mam and hubbie and let them know you’re thinking of them and miss them dearly. You’ll need someone to light it and another to hold it. That’s why I’m still waiting for my niece to help me.
I totally get that thing of time being different now. As long as I’m busy and focused in the garden I seem to be ok but outside of that I feel very lost and it’s like I don’t fit into the world as it was. It’s quite a surreal existence now. I’m planning on doing my textiles over winter and have new pieces ready to sew but I need to get my oomph back to do it. Be nice looking out onto the garden though (as long as the creep is out). I was really pleased with getting my 3 posts done today. Took 5 hours! It looks so simple but is such hard work. Hope to get the trellises up tomorrow if buggar lugs stays away.
Your idea for the bench back panel is fab! Think I will do that. Loads of colour and sparkle. Will be something to look forward to in the Spring. I’ll get some plywood and also make hangings all over the garden. So is it craft glue I need? My mirrors wouldn’t have survived long outside. Looking forward to that because I didn’t know what to do with it. Dad painted that and although the bench itself was knackered I wanted to save the bits as a keepsake. I never used to be sentimental until mam left. Any more thoughts on making your house?
It’s you lovely lot enjoying my pics that spurs me on to do the work I’ve been doing. It’s peculiar how adding higher posts in that top corner has transformed the space, and will again with the trellises and bamboo. Hope I have enough to finish down to the house. I had a peek outside and the whole patio is white. Quite beautiful in the moonlight. Early start tomorrow to get as much done as poss before creep comes back from work. Not sure if he has an early day. I was really shocked seeing that mirror on his shed wall. He is so bloody brazen! But of course if I report him for it, and the ladders next to it, I’ll appear suspicious and paranoid. It’s his ongoing creepiness that provokes this reaction me. Like you say, if it wasn’t for our lovely group I wouldn’t have anyone to listen to me, apart from my therapist.
I didn’t receive my compost and the payment just hasn’t been processed so don’t understand what is going on. I’ll see if the temperatures pick up a bit before I try again. It’s now -2 and if I get out by 10 in the morning it will be 1. I must be mad!
Very pleased that the three of you will do something together tomorrow. And a winter plant is a lovely idea. Yes, cyclamen come in shades of white, pinks, fuscia and red. They don’t need much watering at all. They will keep coming back and I think are good at reproducing. Such delicate little structures. Lovely idea for your mam. You’ll be able to get them everywhere I should think. I covered my winter pansies and cyclamens on the table. Shame because it was my display but it’s so ‘pinching’ (love that expression) that I didn’t want to risk it. Bet the bird seed will be frozen tomorrow and I’ll have to check the pond hasn’t frozen too. Been popping the pump on to keep the water moving. Still haven’t collected the fish from my sisters garden because she and dad were there today. Too awkward with them not speaking to me. Will wait until they aren’t there but I think the move will be complete soon (this side of xmas).
You have done so well Tina. I’m proud of you! I was a bit worried that brother would be up to his usual tricks and making things harder for you but I’m pleased you’re ‘coping’ well. It really is amazing how a year can pass and we can’t fathom how. I still have to fill in time in chunks to get through the day. It’s when I’m trapped in my bedroom that I fall apart.
Be thinking of you tomorrow. You could do a lantern? Just need to not be around trees or it’ll get caught up and catch fire! I always picture the children being little and mam sending the lanterns up into the sky at the old house. It was magical. Brings tears to my eyes. I miss her so much.
Lots of love xxx
Morning all,
Anyone got their xmas card? Sent them over a week ago. Just wondering if there’s been a postal strike.
Creep at home so can’t go in garden. But I have just done a click collect for Aldi for tomorrow. Hoping my niece comes with. Will see what their xmas trees are like.
Tina, hope your day goes well. Be thinking of you x
Will pop back later. Might do my xmas window in the bathroom but the windows stream on a morn with condensation. Might have to use a frame to wrap the cellophane around.
Lots of love xxx
Yes Christine, mine came yesterday. Just going for a christmas lunch at local community centre. I’ve done an online shop with Iceland this week as don’t have time to go into town. Our Aldi is in the next town, a bus journey away. I wish they did home delivery.
Get back to you later
Debbie x