Hi Tina
I thought you would be pleased the World Cup has finished! Seemed really strange being held in the winter as its always been in summer.
Had some good fortune this morning when I wasnt charged for a 4 pint bottle of milk in Morrisons . The cashier was having trouble scanning and it didnt go through- certainly not complaining. Treated myself to a nice big box of Milk Tray as they had them for a fiver and were on offer . One more lot of shopping to do before Xmas day and that will be on Friday.
Anniversary of Mums funeral tomorrow so having the late special breakfast with my friend to commemorate. Thats the last of that first year of anniversaries - then it starts all over again with Xmas!
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Neil,
Like Tina if Iām late checking in tomorrow itās cause Iām working all day and just wanted to let you know Iām thinking of you. I think today has been worse for me than I think tomorrow will be as it was a year to the day (cause as youāll remember all too well the 20th was a Monday last year) that I too said my last farewell 
x
However if you think how far we have all come I just canāt believe it.
Make sure your special breakfast is a big plateful lol x
Love the fact you treated yourself too to something with your surprise freebieā¦ enjoy 
x
I too am glad the football is finished and even has to ask my friend who wonā¦she despaired, told me Argentina and then said it was a great match x were you happy with the result? x
Anyway Iām away for my tea but just wanted to let you know Iām thinking of you for tomorrow and check in with you when I finish work.
Take care and eat chocolate 
x
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Hi Tina,
Cal is the worst behaved cat I have ever had and heās a wee fat prick 
x at this moment heās trying to eat the hamster 
x
He winds me up rottenā¦a bit like Zoe does with you lol x
Plus if your brother wanted a dog he didnāt want to have to walk he should got a damn greyhound or lurcher or somethingā¦the onus shouldnāt be on you to walk and entertain her but I know why you do x
And he and myself are the least laid back entities you will ever find x I swing from āmeh so what you wantā to manic in like 2 seconds lol x
If you donāt need to go out then donāt cause the ice can lie underneath what looks clear.
Please take care xx
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Hi Christine.
What is that board thing you have? What do you do with it?
Donāt mean to sound rude but what a surprise your sisterās move has been delayed again til after Xmasā¦she really does seem to relish drama but I am pleased for you that you have got a bit more time to get the fish for your pond.
After the winter solstice this week every night gets shorter and days longerā¦always love that 
Crappy news about your chimney but lucky as you say that it was found sooner rather than later.
We have a leak in our roof at work and when it rains heavily the rain drips down on the till area and narrowly misses the tillsā¦phoned up to get it fixed to be told they would need a few consecutive dry days with no wind so I said āoh ok weāll see you in June thenāā¦they needless to say have still not been back x
Went into Aldi to buy some frozen stuff cause like Neil Iāll be doing a last bit shopping at the end of weekā¦came home to find I actually have no room in freezer made some space by eating the lollies I hadā¦oh the sacrifices we make sometimes lol x
Anyway Iāll check in tomorrow but until then stay warm 
x
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Hi Suzanne
I didnt realise our Mumās funerals were on the same day . I will be thinking of you too tomorrow. As you say the actual day, being a Monday, is more like the day itself .
Had another friend call in earlier, one of my footie mates, so had a good chat about the game yesterday.
Didnt really mind who won but it was a fantastic match. Back to West Ham in the Premier League now against Arsenal on Boxing Day.
Nice to have it milder today. All the snow has gone due to the rain washing it away.
Will check in tomorrow. Hope you get through the day as best you can , will be thinking of you as I said earlier
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi everyone
Iām so glad the snow and frost has finally gone, I got fed up with doing a strange walk on ice and frost getting to work. Ended up most days walking in the road, decided cars were less of a danger than ice, also figured the teachers wouldnāt run me over if they wanted their photocopying done.
Finally broke up from school last Friday, Iām now on the final year countdown to retiring. Only 193 school days to go.
This week will be quite busy, catching up with friends I donāt get time to see while working. I went to a garden centre today with one for lunch, all the Christmas tree were half price they have lots left they are trying to shift. If you lived nearer Christine I could have got you one for your garden.
How are you @NEILB72 , no more fainting episodes I hope and has you GP spoke to you about further tests.
I will thinking of both you and @Suzanne30 tomorrow, I know what you mean about the date, I always think of the day too.
I glad you not alone tomorrow Neil and will be having a special breakfast with a friend, Iām sorry you have to work Suzanne, I hope they are kind to you at work tomorrow.
I didnāt see the final, I went to a carol service, my son was convinced they would cancel it because of the football. There was alot of people there so not everyone is that fussed.
@christine51 , I think weāve all been a big quiet on the thread this week. Wasnāt surprised when you said your sister isnāt moving yet, at least now you will have more time to get the fish and itās warmer now the snow and frost has gone. Did you see on the news a few days ago a giant aquarium in a hotel foyer in Germany burst open and hundreds of fish died as they were frozen solid as the gusted into the streets. They couldnāt save them.
Itās a good job you go in your loft so often as who knows what damage might have been done with the leak. Iām glad you getting braver and chatted to that man visiting his mum in the next street, people can be very kind with no ulteria motive. My sister was told me, she went for coffee and a bacon roll with two friends in a little cafe in the village where they live, all in their seventies. They went to pay and a total stranger that had been sitting on the next table to them had paid their bill on his way out. People can be kind.
Your brother needs to start walking Zoe @Tina19 , and you need to have more me time to look after yourself.
Hi @Beki , @nicnic and @LucyF90 , hope your doing the best you get be.
Have you all seen on another thread, on Christmas Eve at 7pm people are lighting candles for their loved ones. Iāve also seen on Facebook, Sue Ryder has posted about it.
Iām going to be lighting a candle 
for Doug and putting his christmas card Iāve written to him next to it.
Sending love to you all
Debbie X X
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Hi Suzanne,
Iāve had a very busy day foraging in the park for ivy to adorn the house (not finished but looks fab). Itās my tradition and I do something different each xmas. I also got my tree, unexpectedly in a pub car park! Iād forgot they did that and got a bit knocked off too. Still bloody expensive. Itās my tree for the garden for mam. Iāve started decorating it and will take pics of everything tomorrow. Feel so much better for being immersed in something I enjoy. House feels very āvintageā, not a bit of tinsel in sight. Canāt bring myself to do a sparkly xmas like I would usually. Itās very understated and āVictorianā. Will get more tomorrow after therapy and finish the house and create a wreath Wed (also hoping to do my bulbs as sun is forecast).
My mood board on the fridge is just random pics I like in the theme of xmas. Itās good for inspiration, generating ideas etc. And it hides the sellotape I canāt get off the fridge! Adds a bit of festive cheer as I walk into the kitchen.
My sister was back at the house again packing or whatever but itās too awkward to pop in without my niece being there so I didnāt bother. Iāll just have to get the fish after xmas. Iāve given up trying to make arrangements with my niece. So she can contact me. Never thought Iād want the move to be over with but itās created a huge amount of anxiety for me trying to get everything before they leave. Not being involved was really hard as I would have been the first to be packing and loading up my car with trips to the new house and skip. Sheās never contacted me so itās obvious she wants buggar all to do with me, just like dad. Wonder if they decided on cutting me out together. I still wonder what the freedom is now that mam isnāt here. But I realise I have to be in charge of my own āhappinessā (thatās a stretch) and to be busy and out doing something away from the house makes the day go faster and I feel like Iām achieving something. So despite xmas Iāll start the swimming and going to the woods and park on my bike now that the ice has cleared. It was so odd being out driving again. Felt like ages but weād only had snow for about a week. Iāll be relieved to go to therapy tomorrow and be back to my normal routine.
Yes itās a buggar about the loft leaking but itās not as bad as I first thought. Have to check and redo the paper every morning to soak up the rain.
You are naughty eating all the lollies but not as naughty as me tonight eating half the tub of my xmas quality street chocs!!! They are so much smaller than I remember. Feel so very sick now!
I hadnāt realised your mams funeral was the same day as Neilās. Will you be marking the occasion? Itās such a blur for mamās that I would have to look it up in my diary, if I even wrote it down. It was after xmas. Iāll be popping in tomorrow so will see what you are doing then.
I am so knackered after today. I do love being creative but it really is taking it out of me. Will certainly sleep tonight.
Kisses to Cal. Porsch is loving the new tinned cat food I got for the foxes. She was so sick of eating chicken and I donāt blame her. It pongs every time I open the fridge. So did the litter tray when I opened the door. Big fat log waiting for me.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Debbie,
Lovely to see you. It has gone quiet and I wandered away to other posts and made a lovely new friend, Doreen. I always find reading posts so upsetting and itās much safer staying here! Iāll be lighting a candle too on Christmas Eve. I did it last year. Feels like a lifetime ago but I canāt believe how quick itās come round.
It was really freeing being able to get out in the car today. I was going a bit mad being stuck in the house. I always end up on a very steep downward spiral. But Iām up again until the desperation of xmas hits me.
I got my xmas tree for the garden but itās not as nice as last years (could have been a bit wider on the bottom) and more expensive too (was extremely shocked at the prices), even though I haggled for a tenner off. Iāll post my pics tomorrow. I need more ribbon but made a start. I wondered about waiting and going after therapy tomorrow but I thought if I just get it now itās done. Iād have to travel quite a way for a b&q / homebase / garden centre. There were lots local but not now. So factoring in the price of petrol I just decided to go for it. Hope it lasts until Spring like last year. All it needs is a bucket of water. I enjoyed my foraging for ivy in the park (rain held off) and created a lot of natural garlands for the house when got back. The shrine has been made festive and I still have to finish the other rooms but it will look fab when itās all done. Itās very vintage with no tinsel or baubles or the usual glitz and glamour I used to do before mam.
I really miss going to the garden centre where weād enjoy looking at all the lovely displays and plants (Iād hunt out the bargain section to try to coax things back to life). Weād stop off in the outdoor cafe for a cuppa and a scone. I assumed I would always go there. Hope you enjoyed your time with your friend. I think itās a lovely way to spend the time with someone. Those 193 days will whizz by and youāll never have to wake up early again for work. Freedom !It will be lovely having free time to spend with friends and family. Mam enjoyed her retirement. Iād always be over there, helping in the garden and going out to garden centres and nurseries. I even tried really hard going to Matalan but always had a panic and had to leave. But I did try.
So annoyed I didnāt get a half price bargain! I should have waited and tried the park after therapy where I went last year.
That is so very sad about the fish but Iām not surprised they froze. I was really concerned that the fish would die if I tried bringing them over when it was icy cold. Wondering too if my ponds are deep enough because itās only knee deep. But the smaller one at the top is sheltered by the big trees and garage. It didnāt freeze like the big one. I already have the pellets food in for them.
Isnāt that so lovely of the person to have paid the bill in the cafe. I thought that only happened in films! I watch things on you tube where people ask the public if they can spare some bus fare or pay for a drink or whatever and in return give them loads of money for their kindness. You often find people with very little will give whatever they have because they know what it feels like to go without and to need help. Always makes me cry! I watch a lot of āSoft White Underbellyā which gives a voice to the homeless where they can tell their story. It makes them real and not a statistic or label (drug addict etc). Itās amazing what a person can endure. Not exactly light entertainment for bedtime but Iāve always been fascinated by the human condition.
It really is a relief to not be snowed in, although I now have the stress of the rain getting in the loft. It was by chance I went up there to look through the decorations, having put off doing it. I have to keep changing the paper soaking up the rain water stuffed between the chimney bricks and the cement. They need a dry day to fix it on the outside so havenāt a clue when that will be. Next year! But the man who came round was very nice (they always are). Mam would be amazed at what I am doing. She would always come round when something needed doing because I was so panicky. She must have been so worried knowing she was leaving me behind. Hope she can see Iām surviving!
Enjoy all your lovely festive things with family and friends. I really miss doing all the things we did for years. I never thought they would end.
Will take pics (hope itās not pouring down so I can show you my tree) and post tomorrow. Will be off foraging again. Iām like the wombles.
Lots of love xxx
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Good morning Neil and Suzanne,
Special shout out to you both and your mams today. Neil, enjoy your breakfast outing with your pal in honour of your mam. Iām pleased you are not on your own today. And Suzanne, I hope the customers donāt give too much grief and the animals behave themselves. My mams special day is in January (itās all a massive blur) so I know that is coming up and until now I hadnāt even thought about it because she had already left. The sun is out here. Hope it is where you are. Itās like your mams are saying hello. Hereās some special things for them, wherever they may be in their spiritual journey. They are blessed.
I love the idea of Heaven as a beautiful garden and always think mam is with me when I see my little robin.
Wherever your mams are they will be walking alongside you, guiding you as they have always done. Listen to your heart and you will hear them. They will never leave us and we will see them again when our time comes. And weāll have so much to share with them when we do. We will always be together because we are a part of each other. We are everything our mam has created as well as being who we are. It is because we love that we are in so much pain now. We are so lucky to have been a part of them.
Wishing you both extra special love today xxx
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Hi Christine
Thank you so much for the lovely post with lovely words. I too only realised Suzanneās Mumās funeral was the same day.
Had a really nice special breakfast . Lovely food once more from Wetherspoonās and great service. Special mention for the mushrooms which were extra yummy!
Its so nice when people are so kind and they āget itā when we speak about our grief. Where some people have disappeared from my life, others have really stepped up and Mum would be so pleased I have friends looking out for me and that includes everyone here. None of us here are ever alone.
So now that completes the first year of anniversaries. How I have got through this year I will never know.
Just hoping for a nice quiet festive period. Cut down a lot this year , mainly due to finances, prioritising essential food rather than just buying it for the sake of it. One more shop on Thursday.
Another West End show to end the year next week which is a little present to myself.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Suzanne
Been thinking of you today and hope you have managed to get through the day as best as you can. Your Mum is looking down on you smiling I am sure.
Hope you can have a very peaceful evening.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi @NEILB72 I am so glad to hear you had a good breakfast - nothing like a full English! Wishing you lots of peace today.
Iām on the computer and need to log on on my phone to share some photos from the last few days. I had the craft ladies over on Friday and am only just getting over so much cheese lol!!
Beki x
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Hi Beki.
Yes a lovely brekkie to remember Mum. Iām a bit of a cheese lover too!
Speak soon
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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@NEILB72 I picked up my Christmas radio times and the prize for the crossword in the back is theatre tokens.
Also this one from Waitrose to enter online https://www.waitrose.com/ecom/content/competitions/win-p250-theatre-tokens-gift-card-or-egift Win Ā£250 theatre tokens
Fingers crossed!
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Hi Neil,
Sorry for being so late in the day but just wanted to pop in and see how you are doing this evening and to let you know youāve been in my thoughts today
Your breakfast sounds delicious and I now want mushrooms lol x. Glad you had someone to be with and share your memories and thoughtsā¦as you say some people just get it and itās a comfort when that happens.
Think yesterday was worse for me than today and Iāve been working all day which suited me as didnāt have much time to be sad. As you also said thatās the last of the āfirstsā.
What are you going to see at the theatre next week? You may have said but I must have forgotten lol x
Anyway have a peaceful evening and will check in tomorrow x
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Thank you for your kind thoughts and pictures Christine Iām tired tonight as long day so will pop on tomorrow and have a longer chat with you x
Again thank you for your blessings x
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Hi Neil,
I am really pleased that you marked the occasion well and enjoyed your breakfast with company. Your mam would be very pleased indeed. It is a mystery how anyone gets through the first year. Grief is brutal ! You will have some relief now that it closes a chapter on that first year and you can move into the next phase which I hope gets a little easier, or at least less traumatic most of the time. I still cannot believe it is really true. On my way to therapy I let a hearse go ahead of me in the traffic and I burst into tears for mam. Brought it all flooding back. And itās strange that it happened today when it is your mamās anniversary of her service. I pass the funeral place every week and it has never happened until today. I was extra upset too because there were no cars following the hearse, no distraught relatives. It was a very quiet occasion, but still marked with respect from the people doing it (not sure what they are called). I said a little prayer for the person and sat crying for 10 minutes before going in.
Iām very pleased that you have a show booked. Something to look forward to. You deserve a pressie. Just hope you see the whole show after last time!
Iām not dreading xmas as much as I did last year because Iāve really made an effort with dressing the house in ivy (was foraging again today), ordered more ribbon to decorate my tree in the garden and ordered bits in for xmas but have already eaten some of it (chocs) and started on others (pate and a snowball drink with cherries). So will have to get more bits in just before xmas - pate, prawn cocktail, 2 microwave xmas dinners, clotted cream to make my own version of mamās favourite pud (because I got clotted icecream by mistake - so rubbish at shopping!) and more lemonade. I have a painted chalk board in the kitchen and whenever I remember something I chalk it down for when I need to do a shop. Now my house is adorned in ivy (looks fab) Iām more relaxed and I think Iāve accepted that being alone is not as bad as it could be. I have to make the most of what I do have. I had an horrendous time last xmas and if I can make it more bearable with food and making the house look nice then itās worth it. My sister and her kids will be just round the corner from me at her friends house for xmas day! I wonāt see any of them. I could sob my heart out over it but Iām getting sick of crying because my sister is spiteful to me. Like you said, none of us are alone because we all have one another and I will be popping in on the day to say hi and check everyone is ok. Have you accepted your xmas day invitation? Itās a very kind and loving thing to do. But whatever you decide will be right for you on the day. Losing our mams has brought us all together (and Debbie with her Doug). I am truly touched that I have found such wonderful friendships here. It has made the last year hopeful, knowing that you all do care.
Iāll posting my pics tomorrow of my creativeness around the house and hopefully will get my bulbs planted at last (if the rain holds off). My sense of achievement is longer lasting now because Iām surrounded by what Iāve created, rather than coming in from the garden and it ending. Didnāt get finished until 9pm so Iām quite shattered. In bed with a cuppa and Porsch is snoring her little head off next to me in her nest of blankets. Think I deserve a little lie in tomorrow. I always feel better when Iāve worked hard. Think thatās the northerner in me!
Forgot to tell you, when I was creating my garlands in the garden in the dark (I wanted to get them finished and had the light from the kitchen window to work by) I heard a man (couldnāt tell who or where) saying hello. I ignored it and luckily it stopped. There was nobody else outside. Creepy buggar. But not my creepy buggar because he wasnāt back with his van when I checked. Who wants to hear that in the dark on their own and not have a clue who it is. I am surrounded by weirdos. You are so lucky you donāt have to put up with this nonsense.
Look out for the pics tomorrow. See you then. So pleased you had a good day remembering your mam. Shell be very proud of you. And your dad.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Suzanne,
Iām very late in posting today as Iāve been so busy with creating my garlands. Wanted to get them done incase it rains tomorrow. Youāll see from my post to Neil what Iāve been up to. I knew you were busy today with work and thought that would probably keep you going on autopilot. Weāll catch up properly tomorrow. But seeing the hearse really was upsetting on the way to therapy. I thought how significant it was today with you and Neilās anniversaries. Strange that I pass by every week and it never happened before. Must be a sign, though I donāt know what it means. It was upsetting too because there was nobody there, no family or anyone, following the hearse. The person was totally alone. I said a little prayer to wish them well on their journey.
Iāll post pics of my festive garlands tomorrow and see how you are feeling about today. I think working will perhaps have delayed the reaction because you canāt mark the occasion on the actual day. I didnāt know people do this for the service date. I thought it was only the day of passing. But then Iāve never had to think about any of this before mam. Still havenāt done my lanterns so perhaps that would be a nice thing to do.
See you tomorrow hun. x
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Suzanne
Glad you got through yesterday without feeling sad. I was thinking of you. Where on earth has that first year of anniveraries gone?
The show Iām seeing next week is Life Of Pi. It finishes in mid Jan so I made it a priority treat for myself. Was going to see it on 5th Jan but glad I booked the week before instead(29th) as they announced another train strike on the original date I had planned to go.
Catch up again soon
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Got five minutes at last!
So last week I had the craft club ladies over for a pre-Christmas get together and celebrating one of their birthdays (80).
Put on cheese, meats and others brought drinks, pasta salad and some lovely desserts
It was very yummy by Pippin embarrassed m. He never bothers with food on your plate or out but it seems he has a taste for Spanish ham. He popped his head over the table and pinched a load 
We played some card games including cards against humanity which is such bad taste and rude. Maureen, whose 80th it was, laughed so hard her front dentures fell out as she was trying to say ācheeky bum s*xā. I was āoh god Iāve made an 80year old say such rude thingsā and she reminded me at 80 sheād lived a full life and probably knew more than us so we just fell about laughing.
Spent the weekend tidying. Am working all this week so wonāt get another chance before granddad arrives on Saturday.
Met a friend on Monday for a brunch bite. She too has had a lot of really shitty loss (her husband and sister, 51 and 49 respectively) over the last 3 years. We had a proper good chinwag and are planning a theatre trip next year. We are also going to see about starting some form of grief support club for our area. She is a psychotherapist and its not like we donāt have the experience. We just want somewhere like this thread for people locally where you can meet up and just be honest, get support or not talk about anything at all - play a board game (but not cards against humanity!!)
When we were out we popped into a favourite shop of mine and mums which sends pretty sparkly interior things and has a couple of tables and does fancy coffee and cake. Mum and i were regulars loved it in there. I bought two new angel ornaments, I tend to get one each year but didnāt get one last year so decided I could have two.
My christmas tree has lots of memory ornaments on it. We always get one that reminds us of a lost loved one. There is a car for granddad Les, a stained glass dove mum made for her Mum. In our favourite shop as I was buying the angels I spotted this lovely cake decoration and it spoke to me. Mums favourite thing, cake from our favourite place.
The photo of me and Mum is an ornament frame ornament we got over ten years ago on a trip to Ireland. I remember when we put it up last year I said to her āhey weāll get another of these next yearā as I graduating for my second masters this year but not to be 
Got a grocery delivery coming tomorrow between 10.30pm and 11.30pm which I am sure will make me popular with neighbours trying to sleep! On Friday afternoon I am going with my neighbour to M&S to pick up my pre-ordered bit.
Work is going well, itās quite nice in this week up to Christmas. Weāve had some virtual get togethers.
Pixie looked ridiculously cute today
love to all
Beki xx
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