Hello all,
I have posted under other headings on this site and I hope you don’t mind me posting on here. I don’t mean to intrude as I know you are a very close circle of friends. But I just had to say that I read your posts about what has been happening in your lives and it has kept me going these past months since my husband died last February. I thank you so much. Love.X
Hi Loobyloo
Lovely kind words. Please feel free to join in any time with any post you like. This great group have helped me so much over the last year and I couldnt have got through it without their support.
Hope 2023 will be kinder to us all.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi @Loobyloo2
Welcome, they are a lovely group of people on this thread as Neil said we’ve helped each other to get through.
I’ve lost my husband in March 2021, so it’s nearly two years ago for me. It’s not easy is it.
Sending love
Debbie x
Hi Christine
How are you. Did you get to speak to your sister up north. I’m glad she phoned you. I can’t remember who said it, but I would write back to the two relatives that sent you cards was it your mum’s sisters or friends I’ve can’t remember who you said. It will keep you in contact with your family and you won’t feel so alone or abandoned.
As the others said, you can’t worry about your sister moving, what will happen will be. Give you niece and nephew a time to settle and they might get back in contact with you.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the fish, they tend not to eat during the winter months and there still might be an opportunity to collect them.
Today I’ve started to take down my Christmas decorations, all the outside lights are down, cleaned and packed away ready for next year. I still have the party lights up on my guttering on the front and back of the house. Doug put those up a few years ago, so they stay and add sparkle to the garden all year round.
Taken a few bits down in the house, but the tree is still up. I’ll do that next weekend.
Also did a bit of tidying up in the garden, had to throw away a couple of pots with bulbs in, they had got so waterlogged with all the rain we’ve had the bulbs had gone rotten. Also washed all my bird feeders, need to ask my son if he will run me to home bargains so I can stock up again on bird food.
Looking forward to the spring now.
Only got tomorrow left, and back to work on Wednesday, I’ve done all my teacher training days for this school year. Only 193 school days to go until retirement.
Part of me needs to get back into a routine, the other part is not looking forward to work.
I hope you got to have your swim today.
Sending love
Debbie X X
I too didnt want to intrude on your group but i to read alot of the posts on here . We all need help and support . Finding it very hard at the moment thought I was doing ok but since xmas i keep bursting into tears and feel like im back to square one. Finding it hard to talk about my feelings to anyone because my husband died in 2021 i feel people think i should be ok by now. I dont know what to do.
Hi @Misprint
I was where you are now when entering the second year of grief. For a while I found everything so much harder and there were alot of tears. I did turn to my GP and was given amitriptyline to help me sleep, I wasn’t functioning at work with being so tired and in a way working helps. It keeps me occupied and keeps my mind focused on other things during the day. I also did talking therapies and on the waiting list for counseling with cruse, all suggested by my GP.
I have a close friend whose mum had died just before Doug, she was a great help, she just got it because we were both having the same feelings it was easier to talk.
Also I am in the lucky position of having very close family, we are all grieving together, they have lost their dad and we support each other.
It’s not going to be easy but it will get better.
Sending love
Debbie X X
Hiya,
What sweet words and as Neil says be as active in our thread as you want we are all here for each other x
Blessings 
x
If people think you can ‘get over it’ as quickly as that then I would assume they haven’t lost someone they love more than life itself sometimes x
There will always be someone here who can relate and offer an ear when needed and pick you up when feeling low.
Blessings x
Canine terrorist 
you never fail to make me laugh Tina…such a comic lol xx
Hi Tina,
OMG! I’ve flooded my house when I forgot to close the door on the washing machine. Had 2 inches of water in the kitchen, bathroom, hall and bedroom. Luckily had wooden floors down but a nightmare to clean up. Poor you! But it’s so easy to think I’ll just do this while I’m waiting for that and forget.
Actually had a productive couple of days. Started my sewing (one a day), swim today and booked in for tomorrow after therapy. Done household chores, cleaned the bird tables yesterday. Feeling very empty doing it all. The sewing is proving quite a difficult task trying to stitch through layers of bubblewrap, foam, plastic, paper. Takes a while and so each piece per day takes up a chunk of the day. So that’s my focus until they are all stitched. I used to have a ‘relationship’ with my work but there’s just no connection now. I wonder why I do anything. Got out of swimming earlier again. Seems ridiculous swimming up and down while my head is bursting with wanting mam. So it’s going through the motions of doing rather than just sitting doing nothing.
My sis up north rang again tonight and I rang her back and had a long chat. She didn’t mention Mam, Dad, my other sister, xmas, her daughter living back at home. It was all about her work. She would chat to mam for hours about things so I think she probably misses having someone to rant to about things. So I let her. It was nice just hearing her chatter. She didn’t say anything in response to me saying I was glad xmas was over, that I didn’t see or speak to anyone at all, that I am alone all day, every day, and just want mam. Just no empathy at all. I don’t understand how my isolation has no impact on any of them. They wouldn’t survive it.
Haven’t heard from my niece after she ignored my texts about meeting up, getting the fish, swimming etc. Think my sis would prefer she just had no contact with me. She’s fuming that I wouldn’t join in with the bitch fest against her partner when they split. I just couldn’t listen to it when mam left. It’s all she could talk about. So I presume I’m being punished for not being on her side. I’m so uninvolved I am totally impartial. She creates so much drama I don’t know what is real. But I can’t believe that she would stop speaking to me for just that. She’s never told me why. So she’s cut me and her partner out of her life and it seems the children too. Now they’ve moved (without their furniture) don’t know whether I’ll see any of them ever again. Still hasn’t sunk in yet. I suppose because the move isn’t complete. I wonder if this is what she meant when mam left and she said she felt free.
Made me laugh with the ‘canine terrorist’. Has she been out at all? It’s frosty tonight but is warming up again so she might enjoy the garden between showers.
Have my therapy tomorrow and just feel completely empty, like I have nothing to say. My therapist will be gobsmacked if I’m quiet. He never gets a word in. I’m so tired of trying to battle something I can’t win, and being abandoned by the family I thought I was part of, and without an explanation. I’m so tired of being trampled on.
Like you say, we’re all friends here and you can only imagine how much I cherish our friendships x
Couldn’t sleep again, awake at 5 am and had to have a nap during the day. So in bed early for a change. Have no interest in watching anything. Will prob faff about on youtube looking at funny animals or gruesome deaths. I seem to have no middle ground.
Glad you are feeling positive about the new year. Sorry I’m not more up beat. Feels like I could sleep for a whole year to blank everything out.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Loobyloo,
I’m so pleased it helps you to read our posts. You can join in too if you like. I feel blessed to have found these beautiful souls who really do care about me. And I them. I’d be lost without them. It’s because of their love and friendship that I’ve survived the agony of losing my mam. It takes just a tiny smidgeon of kindness to help me get out of bed when the day is overwhelming with sadness. It is the difference between despair and hope. I hope you have support and love around you. Nobody told us it would be this hard. I feel like a lost child.
Wishing you lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
I was wondering when 12th night was for taking the decs down. Will do it in stages , like you. Can’t face it at the mo. I have coloured fairy lights crisscrossed over the pergola, a xmas pressie from my parents, but can’t bring myself to put them on. It’s like anything that might make me feel happy will be betraying mam so I avoid it. Will leave my tree up in the garden with kisses for mam and add the little one outside too. They should last until Spring when it starts warming up. It was really sad seeing the tree die last year, a reminder of mam. I’ll leave all the garlands up in the house until they dry out and start dropping off with the heating.
It’s a shame about your bulbs. I worry about mine. The garden is so waterlogged with all the rain. Have no enthusiasm at the mo for anything garden based but I did wash the bird feeders and scraped all the seed and fat balls that had gone to mush in the rain, hosed everything down and refed them. I have a family of baby starlings feasting every morning, along with my robin and a bunch of bluetits. Feeling very lost and exhausted with no enthusiasm to do much at all.
I was saying to Tina I have started sewing my textiles that were prepared, had a swim today and booked for tomorrow. Routines do help. Just having something planned in the diary is a reason to get up. Getting back to work will be hard but once you’re there it really will fly by and each occasion will be a ‘last’ which is sad as well as being longed for. Remember too you have holidays inbetween the working weeks. Doug will be admiring your determination to see it through.
I spoke to my sis up north for quite a while. She wants to change her job and was basically telling me about work so I let her chat on. She didn’t say anything about me being on my own for xmas, not talking to or seeing anyone. Didn’t mention dad being there, or my other sis spending xmas round the corner from me. It was all about her work. But it was nice to just listen. Haven’t heard from anyone else. The cards I sent were to my auntie (married to my dad’s brother who left quite a few years ago) and mam’s oldest friend. I apologised for not being able to send cards and I didn’t even know I had their addresses. I would always phone mam for everything I needed. It still doesn’t seem real that she isn’t here. I’m so exhausted now I’ve stopped crying about it. There was lots of triggers over xmas with tv. Like the new series of ‘Call the Midwife’. I can’t even write it down because I’m starting to get upset again. I wonder how frightened mam was when they told her about the cancer. It just makes no sense to me. Mam is too precious to not be here anymore.
Started my swimming again and my sewing but it’s just emptiness. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. My therapist says it’s to enjoy the thing itself. That is the reason of doing. But I don’t enjoy anything now that mam is gone.
Sorry, I’m really exhausted and just don’t see the point in doing anything other than filling in time to get through the day.
If you have an Aldi they have high energy bird seed and fat pellets. I’ve even stopped enjoying watching them.
Hope tomorrow goes without any major hiccups. Be chaos getting back again. Good luck!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Misprint,
You are most welcome to join us here. I’m so glad xmas is over but another year looming leaves me so exhausted I can barely function. That feeling of emptiness and having no purpose or enjoyment in the things I try to do is bigger than ever. But I’ve started my swimming and have my weekly therapy to keep me going. I don’t know what the point of doing anything is other than filling in time to get through the day quicker. Baby steps and small tasks. Recognise the little wins and give yourself credit for even getting out of days when days are especially bleak. We are designed to keep going when all we want to do is curl up and hide. Keep posting. It helps to know that we are all in the ‘same boat’. Being understood and listened to, not judged, gives comfort but also is inspiring to get us up and start doing things again. It really does help. Lovely to see you here.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Suzanne,
Just wanted to say hi and I love your new tat - the colours and design. Not sure if I did post or was too upset. All a bit of a blur. But feeling better for speaking to my sis up north, though all she wanted to chat about was her work. Started with my sewing and swimming but feels like emptiness and wondering why I’m bothering at all. Feeling very overwhelmed but trying.
I’m sure being back at work again will feel like you were never away. Having too much time to fill in is exhausting when I only have myself pushing me to do anything.
Just wanted to say hi and I’m pleased I’m back again, even if I don’t really feel here.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Just wanted to say hi because I don’t even remember if I’ve been on here since NYE. I’m in a bit if a time warp and still trying to get out.
It’s quite hard trying to get back into the swimming and I’ve started my sewing but again finding it hard to push myself. It was such a natural extension of myself before mam. And now I really have to force myself. The plastics and foam are hard to stitch so I don’t even have that natural rhythm to fall into. But I’ll keep at it.
I know you really enjoyed the Pi trip. Anything else planned? I was really shocked to see the prices of swimming had shot up by 80p per session. Hope my membership doesn’t go up.
Lots of love xxx
@NEILB72 @Debbie57 @Suzanne30 @christine51 Thank you for your kind words and welcoming me to join your group. I’ll keep reading for now but might pop in now and then to write something. It really does make a difference to your day when you know someone cares about you.X
Hi Loobyloo,
It really does. I managed to feed the birds this morning. They love fat balls. My little robin and squirrel were too quick for me to get a pic but here’s my very dull and rainy garden.
Had to google when twelth night is (Thurs 5th) for taking down decorations. Mam always told me when I had to do things. Will leave my tree up until Spring, like last year. It’s happy in a bucket of water, even without roots. It was only when it started turning warm that it died, which made me really sad.
Have my therapy this afternoon and then a swim. Really have to push myself to do it and then to actually stay for my 30 mins. Feel it’s all very pointless but all I’d be doing otherwise is sleeping or watching tv. Keeping busy, setting myself tasks, keeps me going throughout the day.
Nice to see you x
Lots of love xxx
Thank you Christine,
I love seeing pictures of your garden. I don’t know how you manage to do everything yourself. Hope something positive comes out of your therapy session and you also enjoy your swimming after. I must find something to do as I feel I am just slipping into oblivion.X
Lovely to see garden everywhere is so wet and miserable looking here is some of my 300ft garden im not got much interest in it anymore seems so pointless
Hi Loobeyloo,
My drive to do the garden is because mam loved to garden and we did it together at the old house. I feel close to her when I’m out there. It’s a form of therapy. And tiring myself out physically means I get a good nights sleep. Feel quite lost without my connection to it. Have started my sewing again and swimming but just feels like going through the motions without any depth of feeling. I’m naturally a hyperactive person, always setting high goals and striving to achieve them. Don’t feel like ‘me’ but I hope to get back to finding some reprieve from the relentless sadness some time in the future. My therapist says I’m doing it and it will come in time. So whatever you can do as a daily task it really is worthwhile. It shapes your day, fills in time, there’s a sense of achievement (even if it is simply a neat space in which to live). There’s nothing worse than sitting in that desperate space longing for mam to return and torturing myself with all the things I can think of to have done or said. We have no choice in moving forward. Each day arrives and we have to endure it. If we can make the journey a little easier on us with something we enjoy we can start to heal again. I can’t ever imagine being ‘normal’ again and wishing that each day I don’t wake up. It’s exhausting. I find I have more energy in the Spring and Summer months when light is brighter, days longer with sunshine to tempt us outside. GP’s actually promote being outside and gardening as being therapeutic. It’s something my parents have always done and so it was a natural thing for me too. I miss being out there. A walk in the park or woods is another thing to energise and become immersed in something bigger than ourselves. It’s getting there that’s the hard part. I wonder while I’m swimming why I’m there. What the point of it is. I only do half an hour. I find small chunks easier to try and have learned to not be too hard on myself if I can’t manage the whole thing. Everything I do is with mam, in my head and heart. I think she is the little robin in my garden while I’m standing doing dishes with the kitchen door open looking out onto the day. It gets me started and is a comfort of sorts, a connection to the outside world. I’m very limited in what I can do as I’m agoraphobic, so everything is a real challenge. I’ll plan the next day and book my swim and then force myself to go. Whatever you find to fill your days recognise it as a win. You could make a chart of gold stars to spur yourself on. My oblivion is filled with deepest sorrow and an eternal sense of longing to return to my childhood so I can be back with mam and have no sense of her leaving me. I’m just filling in time until I can join her again in the future.
Let us know your thoughts on what you might like to do. I find getting thoughts out of myself shapes them into real things which I can play with and try on. Hope to see you soon x
Lots of love xxx
