Just wanted to say thanks for the card. You shouldn’t have but it was a nice surprise. I just remembered at 9pm that I hadn’t checked the post box as it’s outside and the card was inside.
I didn’t post a picture of the rug-kit as at the moment it just looks like a random patch of fluff!
Had a difficult day today again with him. Yesterday I was just so upset I got on a bus to the next town just to get out of the way of everything. It was kind of liberating to know there’d be no face that I’d recognize in the crowds. Obviously it’s not a real solution - but it’ll do. I won’t even write about what drove me to it because I’m like a cracked record on that score.
Nothing much to report really. Just put the ingredients into the slow cooker to cook overnight. Maybe I should put in a tin of Zoe’s Pedigree Beef Chunks in Gravy dog food and say nowt.
Hope you are having as good an evening as possible.
Something to look forward to then for you next week.
Your Mum was spot on about not buying stuff. As you get older ourselves we come to understand and value the meaning to what our Mum’s used to say. I’m finding that now.
Hi Tina,
I think after making a massive effort to go forward with plans of tidying xmas away, starting swimming again and sewing I’ve completely exhausted myself and was asleep a lot of yesterday and some of the day before. I seem to have a spurt of energy and then wear myself out. Pleased the leak is in hand and I have someone coming next week to assess replacing the fence my dad did years ago. I’ve asked the council to take down a tree leaning onto the roof too that I tried to saw down myself pre winter but it’s too heavy for me. It all takes a lot of effort to get sorted and looking back over the week, which I do on a Fri, I’m pleased with what I’ve achieved. And it is amazing that the council will do this for me as a tenant. I think a lot of people just expect it and disregard the costs involved at their expense. I’ll certainly have a lot of fence painting to do after winter. It will be an ongoing project to keep me busy.
The bedroom feels very bare without the little xmas tree but I do enjoy ‘watching’ Mother and Child together in the garden! It was a real treat getting pics of my squirrel. He’s always watchful and took those pics through the window after standing waiting at the door for ages. It’s lovely hearing the chatter of the birds feeding and squabbling. Reminds me of fighting with my sisters as kids. I haven’t heard back from my sis up north but my niece explained she has her boyfriend staying with her and that’s why she couldn’t see me. Still baffles me about not having all the stuff removed from the old house in one trip. It’s an ongoing anxiety provoking situation which I try to contain but I do wonder if they would finally move and I wouldn’t know. Don’t even know if dad is still up north.
Thank you for the lovely things you have said about my house. I think being an artist evolves a sense of seeing and doing which is outside of the mainstream and I’m always attracted to things which are different. I love old dolls houses, toys, books. I popped into the library at the swimming pool as they had a 10p sale on but it was just reading books. I should really try to go to the big library and see if they have a sale on art and interior design. I see the house as an extension of my work, an ongoing project.
You do make me laugh with your homeless nomad appearance. It’s only because I make an effort to choose an outfit each day that I don’t wear the same. I slept in my jumper last night that I wore during the day so my ocd isn’t as bad as it used to be. And I think being so tired means I care less.
Hope the bro has been less volatile after xmas. I think staying away from him when he’s home would send a message but it might not get through to him. I donlt think the world outside of himself and what he thinks / wants actually exists to him. But Zoe will be pleased she’s gone out. They were saying on the news it’s been the mildest winter so far. Still nippy on a night and I ordered more fleece as I thought we were getting the artic blast from America. Might still. I’m going to use some of the fleece as a background to a series of 4 pieces based around perfection and beauty, that bodily functions do not define us. It’s very abstract. I created lots of pieces of work when I had a blast of energy and enthusiasm pre xmas so trying to get through the simple stitching of layered panels.
Really looking forward to seeing your rug. You could try to add that into a daily routine when you sit down with a cuppa. I often time my work according to how many films I watch on tv. My usual is Judge Judy from early afternoon to about 7 pm. Love her for the no nonesense approach and just the volume of knowledge acquired over a lifetime. Certainly wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of her! Love it when the peeps argue back and she tears strips off them.
I’m in the bedroom at the mo with the kitchen door open after doing dishes. I can here the chatter of the birds from here. Porsch was intrigued by the squirrel on the patio when she first saw it but she really isn’t an aggressive cat trying to capture and kill things. Think the squirrel would win that one! She’s an old lady now and sleeps a lot of the time. I got a stinky paw on my cheek today because I was slow in getting up. She’s snoring peacefully next to me.
It’s dinnertime again and I’m still not dressed. So will pop off for now and catch up on everyone.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina, Just saw your post about your mams things. I’m intrigued with ‘hoarding / collecting’ and was always clearing out mams glass jars (meant for pickling and jamming which she did do when she was younger). Just wondering if there are things you could start clearing that could go to the recycling, like papers, jars, etc. I know those things would be precious to your mam but if they are things unattached emotionally to you (obviously not clothes or personal things) you could create a project to tackle one ‘item’ per week. I love watching programmes where they get rid of proper rubbish which has accumulated and it’s so sad to see the destruction of valued possessions. It would be hard starting it but it could energise you and give you a goal. I know it will be difficult with bro helping take things to the skip (if that is needed) but it could create an opportunity for redecorating and bringing new energy into the house.
I can’t imagine how people deal with losing all their stuff in a fire or flood. We all have the luxury to be able to grieve at our own pace and make decisions about the things which are precious to us.
I’m intrigued if your mams writing loads produced lots of diaries? That would be something to organise when you feel stronger. And random bits, lists etc could be framed and hung up to create a gallery in memory of her. You could photograph it all and get it onto the computer so you could look at it all without having the volumes of physical paper around you so you wouldn’t be ‘drowning’ in it. Just a though. I obviously don’t know what you have there and if it’s distressing to be living with it around you. I like to create projects to express experience or feelings, like the shrine.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
OMG! Once you started telling me about the photocopier info I started drifting away! At least your manager will have to look into it and not just leave you hanging. When technical things work they’re great as a tool but when they are that complicated you aren’t allowed to just do something then it becomes a thing of nightmares. It’s on your manager now. Maybe’s you can comfort her when she starts crying too! Just imagine how tranquil your retirement will be in comparison. I always try to balance things out to keep me on an even keel. And today will end and a new day begin. You’ll look back at this in the future when it’s all sorted and wonder why you got so caught up in it all. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but through therapy I’ve learned to try to not react emotionally (easier said than done) and to know that life is bigger than what I am tackling at that mo. Don’t know how I would cope with life without my weekly analysis. I try to think of nice things when things are going wrong. Try to soften the blow. And you can now pass the angst onto your manager when peeps can’t have their things copied.
I’m sure your little squirrel has been watching you for days, waiting for treats. It’s so cute watching him feeding with his very beady eyes. When he senses me in the kitchen (with the door shut) he flies up a pergola leg and is still like a statue. So I become a statue too and he goes back to his foraging. So lovely to watch it all going on.
You’ve got through the first week back! Well done!!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
It is so lovely watching all the wildlife. Gives me a sense of peace and it’s funny watching their antics. My little robin is my fave but I do love the magpies with their sense of determination. They’ve pinched all the monkey nuts for their babies. Can’t see into the nest because it’s so high up but it will be great to see the babies, as I have watched the starlings grow and become quite feisty!
I was just saying to Tina how very tired I am. Think pushing myself has worn me out a bit but I’ll rest and recover. Have given the swimming a rest and see how I am tomorrow.
Glad your worst days are behind you this week and knowing your trips to the theatre aren’t far away now will be giving you a boost. Wouldn’t it be fun if peeps had to dress in old costumes to go the theatre? I’d love that, to wear those massive dresses with the hoops underneath to give the shape. It actually cut into them because of the weight. I’m intrigued at how fashion and womens shapes have evolved through time. My fave dresses are just floor length kaftans where I can waft about at ease. So freeing.
I remember when the council took me on as a vulnerable person and I had to put things in storage. The look on their faces said it all when I asked how long I’d be in the ‘hostel’ (a beautiful house converted into bedsit type rooms - bedroom with kitchen and bathroom ensuite) because I needed to know if I should store my seasonal wardrobe (summer / winter) ! I suppose a lot of peeps just have a few bags with them. I got my dad to plumb in the washing machine while I was there and the place was given my usual creative flair with saries at the doors and a rose garland over the bed. The kitchen was especially lovely as it had the sun streaming in all day and I would sit at the little table and look out onto the tree lines road. My experience of being helped by the council has always been a good one until the creep moved in. He’s at work at the mo thank goodness.
I shall pop away now and catch up with everyone else before I get dressed. It was really sunny before but looking quite dull again now. Nice to see the light lasts a little longer now. Still too wet to venture into the garden apart from feeding the birds.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Suzanne,
Cal is so pretty being a statue in the sunshine. Can’t imagine being that chilled out. Porscha never is unless she’s asleep.
You did make me laugh imagining everyone munching on their xmas trees, including the plastic ones! Don’t think I’ll be trying that myself. It takes me a real effort to have a herbal tea. I would like to be more adventurous and grow things in the garden to eat / drink but I know it wouldn’t happen and all the herbs I’ve tried growing never survive. I like that idyllic lifestyle that cooks have with their beautifully created organic gardens. My fave is Nigel Slater. I’ll just stick to getting muddy as I continue turning over the clay soil and planting out the pots that didn’t get finished last year. I used to be the glam one from The Good Life and now I’m very happy being the mucky one . It’s so much more fun. I would only go in the garden to sunbathe when I lived at home. And now look at me! Such a tomboy.
I think using cocoa butter is a much nicer product than vaseline. But like you say, anything to keep the skin moist will work.
You said to Neil about getting back up to the Loch at the weekend if you can. My sis is in Durham and said she had to scrape the outside and inside windows of her car to get back to work after xmas. She hasn’t phoned me again but I’m sure she’ll be knackered and just trying to get back into her routine. Sure I’ll here from her soon because we had quite a good chat (just about her work). And my niece is with her boyfriend so that’s why she hasn’t been wanting to do anything. I’m fine with it if I know the reasons why I’m not seeing her.
Still not dressed again. I’ll be closing my curtains again by the time I am dressed.
Love your mam’s expression. My mam had lots of them too that I was sure she made up just to see our reactions. I can never hide what I’m feeling so she could always read me ‘like a book’ as the saying goes. I’d be rubbish at Poker !
I was just wondering who would win if your cat and rabbit had a scrap. Think the rabbit. He could just sit on Cal to quieten him down. My sis has rabbits in a hutch outside and has had to lay traps for rats trying to pinch their food.
Must try to get ready now. Take loads of picks if you do get up the Loch. When do the badgers come out to play?
Hi Tina,
Made me laugh with Zoe’s tin of dog food in the slow cooker! I think you should mention that next time he pisses you off. I can never see this situation changing and will be an ongoing battle that you shouldn’t have to endure. It is so bad for your mental health, self esteem, general well being etc. Can you not imagine living back at your old house you shared with your husband? You would have freedom, independence, self expression, creativity… It is frightening and will take some adjustment but once you’ve made the leap and settled in you would look back and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. You are already able to manage with bills, shopping, travelling etc. Being alone is a choice I made when I walked out of a difficult relationship. I am self sufficient even though I am agoraphobic. And it is a place you already know, so not as frightening as a brand new canvas. You could redecorate to make it your own. You could even take in a paying lodger. I read somewhere on here about a scheme for people living alone and wanting companionship. Would your sister help you and support you with visits and staying over to help in the beginning if you were to explain the situation with brother? She already has an understanding having been on the receiving end of his wrath. And we are all here to support you. I know I can’t be there in person but just chatting here gives me strength when I had none. Have you actually imagined how life could be if you didn’t live with his constant belittling? It took me a long time to recover who I am but I’m so pleased I did. You can too.
Glad the card made me smile. It takes just a small gesture, knowing someone cares, to make you feel loved. You really are!
Would still love to see the fluff!
Right, I can’t not get ready any longer. It makes me panic when it’s mid afternoon and I’m still in mams favourite blue velvet trousers (so comfy for bed).
Will pop back later.x
Lots of love xxx
Apollo (the big rabbit) would defo win if he had to fight Cal…he has big feet with an almighty kick and he can bite if needed but he is a big softie and loves his bananas…a habit which mum started lol x
Badgers tend to still be pretty quiet just now as it’s still too cold and Feb tends to be when the cubs are starting to be born so come next month is when we’ll start seeing hints of them coming out a bit more x
Not heard not to go to the Loch tomorrow yet so still looks all good to go x
Still quite chilly up here today but at least the rain has stopped x
Will check in with you later and hopefully you’ll have had something tasty to eat x
Hi Suzanne,
Fingers crossed you can get up the Loch. You must have really missed it. Can’t wait to see pics of baby badgers. It’s funny seeing Porsch guarding her kitchen door when the cats from along the doors are fiddling about ion the garden. She’d never win a fight but they daren’t try getting past her. A feisty one she is!
Back on the veg soup for me. So bloated after eating loads of choc, cake, crisps over xmas. Have lost all my energy recently but did manage to finish a batch of sewing and hung some of my large Indian textiles in the sitting room. Will take pics and post tomorrow. Has transformed the room and hopefully will insulate the room more so the creep can’t listen to me when I’m on the phone. Was nice sitting overlooking the garden until it got dark. Had a late start as slept in again. I really don’t know how you manage to keep going with getting up early for work. I know you get used to doing it but you must be so worn out.
Plans for tomorrow is more sewing. Discovered large works ready for finishing and others for embellishment so have lots to get through. Given me the boost I needed.
Can’t believe I’m in bed by 10.30 on a Friday evening. Must be old! Will watch Motherland again. So funny.
See you tomorrow x
Lots of love xxx
So I forgot to set my alarm this morning and woke up at like 11.20am…meant to be up the Loch at 1pm…so mad dash to feed everyone (Cal was not amused lol) and wash my hair before heading up there it made it so all good x
That’s a great idea about the insulation and using your textiles….wish I had that ability and capability to think outside the box and make things in to a reality.
Up the Loch today was actually quite mild despite the ice over it and therefore it was busier than usual.
Had a lovely lady bring in what I thought was her grandson as was only about 9-10 but turns out the lady took him and his mum/baby brother as Ukrainian refugees and the wee boy was Ukrainian…what a wee chatterbox he was and his English was amazing. First time I have ever met someone from the Ukraine and he hopes one day they can all go home but until then he likes Scotland lol x
Back to work tomorrow but next week my niece wants me to take her on two driving lessons in my days off and up at the Loch again next Sat so no rest for the wicked x
Will show you a couple of photos from the Loch today and will catch up with you later x
Hi Suzanne
Just waiting until the football had finished and we actually won 1-0 which is a rare event recently !
Having a quiet weekend and been raining here most of the day.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Suzanne,
So pleased you made it up to the Loch. Amazing pics, as always. Looks sold but bright. It must be wonderful to have that so close to you, a window into another world. Makes me want to go to the woods tomorrow but I’ve asleep most of the day so don’t know if I’ll have the energy.
Can’t imagine having to flee my home and country and start again somewhere else. Children are more resilient than adults a lot of the time. I’ve seen bits and bobs but haven’t been following the war like I was. It was too upsetting. Hope when it ends and the country is rebuilt everyone can take up their lives again. So much heartache because of one nasty little man.
Back in bed again. Can’t believe how tired I am. It’s like being shrouded in a heavy cloak. Might watch a bit more of The Crown as I stopped over xmas. Still haven’t seen the Harry / Meghan thing. Just not that interested in what they are doing.
Glad your Loch trips are up and running again. Something to look forward to.
Will take pics of my Indian wall hanging creations and post tomorrow. Just didn’t get anything done today at all apart from dishes and washing.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Just thought I’d pop in and say hi. Been asleep most of today. Just can’t keep my eyes open. Think the whole thing of getting through xmas has caught up with me.
Not stopped raining here too. My squirrel was back this morn. He grabs and runs with the nuts so couldn’t get a pic.
Very quiet weekend for me too. Inspired by Suzannes amazing pics to get out to the woods tomorrow but don’t think I have the energy.
Take care hun.
Lots of love xxx
I’m going to have a read through all the posts I’ve missed but in the meantime I just wanted to say I hope you are ok and well
Before I catch up I thought I’d show you the latch rug kit I’m doing. The picture is how it SHOULD turn out. I’ve done it bit more but it’s not so much and nothing recognisable.
I’ll come back tomorrow and hope the have a bit more of a chatty chat.
Hi Christine
Crappy time of the year isnt it but I think we are in a better place than this time last year as we know what helps us get through the days as we move through winter. Just a quiet weekend for me but a couple of shows on Thursday and no train strikes next week!
Catch up again soon
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Tina,
What you have done is very effective and you’ve done a lot of work already. Are you keeping a note of the hours? I should do that with my work but always forget. Are you finding it tricky? Now you have a ‘rhythm’ going is it proving to be therapeatic and relaxing? It reminds me of a hand embroidered wool garden I did at school and the tapestry / cross stitch samplers. I love hand embroidery and use it in my work for embellishment and poetry. Will try getting a close up by increasing the size ratio on the laptop for a closer look. I’m always fascinated by techniques I haven’t used. Might be similar to the tatty matting technique I use with scraps of fabric. Looking forward to seeing a bit more.
I slept a lot of yesterday and am still in bed now, despite the torrential downpours waking me up. Will have to inspect the leak in the loft and replace the paper soaking it up. It’s going to be tossing it down all week so will just have to keep checking the loft. So annoying. I need milk and can’t face going out, even to the garage.
Will get up now and try to take pics of my Indian hangings I put up in the sitting room. Adds a lot of sparkle with all the sequins. You’ll love it being the sparkly lady you are!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Yes, don’t know if it’s exhaustion of getting through xmas or the winter blues with a lack of sunshine and torrential rain ( love a downpour) but I just have no energy and am still in bed now. But I’m not constantly sobbing like last year so that is a relief in itself. I think there is an overwhelming sense of being lost and having no motivation.
Will try to get up now.
Lots of love xxx
Hi guys,
Cannot believe it’s 4 pm and still not ready but I’m out of bed, had a tidy up, been in the loft to check the leak (is fine) and bag up xmas, done a bench full of dishes (really don;t know where they all come from because I’m not eating that much, had to do a full clean up of the litter tray as Porsch always hangs her bum over the side and wees everywhere in protest if she can’t wake me up for her breakfast (might get her some tint tena ladys to get her back!), cleaned the fridge out, washed all the bits and put them back again, photographed textiles and am about to do an online shop for tomorrow if I can get one. Then I’ll get dressed. I hate it when I struggle with this tiredness because whatever I do get done runs into the evening so my body clock is totally confused. But it is nice to tick off my list in the diary. Hope to get some more sewing done this evening.
Got woke up a few times with torrential downpours so didn’t get out at all, even into the garden. Anyway, hope next week I can get back to my usual routines of swimming and popping in shops for bits. Here’s the Indian textile additions to mam’s shrine.
Hoping the vibrant colours, tranquil ambience and sparkling light / sequins can give me some much needed oomph. Love the way the colours in mams crochet blanket echo throughout the room. Also provides some sound insulation for the creep listening to me.
Off now to do my shop. Hope you are all uplifted with the sparkle. Debbie, how you getting on with your xmas decs? The house will feel very bare without them. That was another reason I added the hangings. I’m wrapped in India! and hope mam is still dancing in her Buddhist garden. I light candles everyday for her.
Lots of love xxx
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