Hi Suzanne
Sorry to hear your mate had bad news. Why is there so much of it all of a sudden, or are we more attuned to it now.
Pictures are great but what’s with all the white cars! The last time I saw so many white cars was at the local Taxi Rank lol.
Glad you enjoyed yourselves xx
Hello Christine
“Jubblies”, what a blast from the past!
My first thought too on Suzanne’s photo was all about those white cars!! Great minds think alike. I think Suzanne has just taken an iconic photo and doesn’t even realise it!
We had some horrific lighting and dreadful downpours last night. Never seen anything like that for a long time…We had to nip to Tesco but when we got there the security guard said they’d had to close due to flooding.
I’m glad you’ve found something Porsch seems to like. Cats can be so fussy can’t they but it will be all the more difficult with her being poorly. I can believe how frightened you are dealing with this on your own. People without pets don’t appreciate that pet owners worry about their pets as much as parents worry about their kids. I know it’s not the same as your family or someone in person being there but we are here. Hopefully it may be cooler since the storms for Porsch, and she starts to feel more settled. Must be awful for pets in this heat.
I hope you get some privacy to relax in your garden later, it’s not even 7am and people are in their gardens already as I can hear them. I woke up not knowing what day it is although that is so often the case these days.
I logged on to the forum and one or two posts caught my eye so opened them up. I shouldn’t really as it’s so upsetting. This post was about sibling fall out after parent loss. People wrongly assume everyone in families pull together after loss but as we know, that is often not how it is.
I hope we all on here have an easy Sunday today. A bit of time to recharge our batteries. One thing for sure, we probably don’t need to get the house/watering can out!
Lots of love to you both xx
Hello Heidi
Just wanted to add my welcome to you to the forum/thread also.
I don’t know where I would have been without the lovely people here. Its a relief to be able to share things, whatever our support may be in the every-day world.
Sometimes we don’t feel up to chatting, or simply just prefer reading, and that’s totally fine as well. Whatever helps us
Much love to you xx
Hi Neil
Hope you are still on your theatre travels. Hope these venues are well air-conditioned.
Hope today is kind to you.
Much love xx
.
Hi everyone
Firstly would like to welcome Heidi to our lovely group. So very sorry you had to find us 
Been offline quite a lot especially yesterday so been catching up with posts.
Managed to see the Indiana Jones film and really enjoyed it! Got theatre next Saturday but will post about that nearer the time.
Dads birthday tomorrow so that will be a difficult day for me.
Much love to you all and will check 8n again soon.
Love and best wishes
Neil xx
Hello sweetheart,
I have no support systems at all and all family are not available. I am not married or with children either and to top all that off I live abroad. Just got back from spending time with her and poorly myself with a terrible cold that has knocked me for 6. Will be more active here soon and responsive. My mum wants to be at home and is a fiercely independant woman. We have impact team and coming from time to time. It’s me and my mum. I check her always and manage everything from here. Its the hardest most devastating time of my life. She told me recently that she experienced a powerful and scary situation and that she actually died…I believe in life after death and you just got to listen to NDE to realise there is more.
Thank you for your lovely words. I willgive her your kisses and she gets extra from me too and I will do what you say. Your mum is near you still, guiding, loving and supporting…
Sorry about my response not being full…so ill at the moment and run down
lots of love xxxxxxx
Hi Tina,
I’m so jel of the storm you had. Must have been bad for Tesco to close. It was spitting in a bit again this morn but not enough to stop me sitting out with my cuppa as the bench is sheltered under the tangle of the old climber. Porsch is quite clingy now and wants me with her when she’s out. She’s back in her drawer now after a small bite of food. I can’t force her and she’ll eat when she’s hungry but it is such a worry. Like you say, pets are like children. She’s about 17 now so a huge amount of love and care has gone into her!
I found a voicemail from my niece yesterday about going swimming. Not sure if it was from Friday after suggesting meeting up for swimming and to do the pressies. She had said she was with the boyfriend all weekend. The cynical part of me assumes it is to get the birthday money she wanted. I’ve just left it because she said she was busy.
I’ve stopped looking elsewhere on the forum because it is too upsetting reading about all the sadness. So many families are torn apart by grief. I never had a good or stable relationship with anyone other than mam. So many ego flying around. And because I will always defend myself when pushed there was always tenson there. Even when my sister visited from up north and I offered to help her sort out the outbuilding with trips to the skip (because my car is like a van with all the seats down) she took offense and said she didn’t need me interfering. Whatever I did was taken the wrong way. Didn’t know both sisters were chatting to each other and leaving me out. I had no clue. So to have been dropped isn’t a surprise from the outside looking in but I am still shocked. I thought family were meant to tolerate each other no matter what. And my dad is the worst of all. But I didn’t see it coming. I really didn’t. My therapist has always said my dad doesn’t understand me. But that is no excuse to treat me the way he did. Mam would be appalled.
Quite a bit cooler today so I might try some weeding and tidying if the rain stays away, though it’s very overcast and threatening. I could make a start on digging out debris from between paving slabs in prep for doing more cement. Now I’ve done quite a bit (about half) it’s not such a daunting task. Will have to get more paving to complete it. Be glad when it’s done. Still haven’t used my tiles Might break them up and do a mosaic for the step from the kitchen. So many jobs! When I get the fence completed it will make such an impact and tidy away all the bits. And when the bed behind the pond is planted up it will really transform that space. Might add in some of my roses too. I’m getting there slowly.
At least when it’s wet weather the creep isn’t out with his noisy garden tools. The sunshine energises people and that’s why they’re up and about early. My 6.30 starts have dwindled and Porsch is having to wake me with kisses and paw taps. Looking very overcast again so not sure if I’ll get much done at all. But if not I have 4 garden lights to have to wire and it’s not straight forward. Will have to google it again and try to work it out. They’ve been sitting on the floor for weeks. So if I can get one done the rest will be easy.
What will you do today? Must drive Zoe mad to be cooped up in the house. Think I’ll book a swim for Tuesday after my therapy. I’m already half way there and once I make a start I’ll get back into it again. I’ve really let it slide.
Have my shopping tonight with treats so looking forward to that. Not dressed yet. Still very tired and slow to do anything. I’m usually whizzing around in a frenzy! But here are my pics from yester:
Honeysuckle is starting to open, along with pretty trumpet flowers (another pound shop buy years ago).
Hi Neil,
So pleased to see you and glad the film was good. We always enjoyed Indiana Jones, watching as a family before everyone had their own tv’s in bedrooms which meant we rarely watched tv together. Will watch it if it comes on tv or Prime. I dropped my Netflix because I didn’t use it enough. Really want to see Nomadland and the Indian based Downton Abbey but don’t want to pay for them as they aren’t free to watch! Will just wait.
My internet has been very slow to load stuff and no mobile reception. Think it’s the weather.
I know how hard tomorrow will be for you but remember all the beautiful things that make him special. It doesn’t get any easier but we know we will get through the day and the upset will subside. Have you planned to do anything on the day, maybe’s treat yourself to a cake? I’m looking forward to my shopping treats later. I ordered cake because quite a few of the Goggleboxers on a Friday night love cake and I always forget to order a sweet treat. Whatever you do I hope you are ok and pop in if your can so we can be here with you. Doesn’t make it any less upsetting but I always find kindness here and it does help to know I am not alone.
Just posted some garden pics to Tina. Didn’t get the thunder storms I was looking forward to. More rain forecast now but hope to get in the garden afterwards and have a bit of a tidy up. Was sitting out earlier with Porsch and a cuppa. Lovely watching the birds and squirrels flitting about. Got more of my patio grouted. Looking good. Will be so much easier to sweep and tidy with feeding the birds.
Must get dressed now. Seems to be getting later every day.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Heidi,
That must be really tough being the sole carer of your mam, even if you have people coming in to help her. Glad to see she’s still independent. The time you have now together wouldn’t be the same if she were in hospital / hospice. You must be worn out and feeling dreadful. Could you ask for more help just until you are well again? I wish I could have cared for my mam like you are doing. This time really is so precious. You will look back on it and wonder if you could have done more (I am always doing that to myself). We played music for mam when she was in hospital. You could have audio stories on in the background as something to listen to, even if she is dipping in and out. Could be soothing for her. I remember listening to The Archers when I was learning to do pottery. It was a couple of artists who were friends of my aunty I was staying with. To have that on in the background was calming and I looked forward to it.
My mam didn’t know she was ill with cancer and she passed very quickly in hospital. She didn’t want to leave us and fought for days. She loved us so much. We were all with her. I was looking into her face as she left. That image will never leave me. The shock is overwhelming. Life will never be the same afterwards. How can it? But you will have all your memories of her, all the conversations you have now to recall so she is close to you again.
My therapist has clients who have ‘seen the light’ and were bathed in such bliss that they wanted to leave this world behind and not be resucitated. I long to be with my mam, wherevers she is. It is the hardest thing you will ever experience. You must be exhausted doing it on your own. My family organised everything. I was in bits and couldn’t stop crying. I felt totally lost afterwards and still do. Just getting through each day is a challenge. I garden because I spent my time with mam helping her in her garden. And keeping busy is all I have now to stop me crying for her. I feel like a child again wanting my mam.
Just posted some pics of my garden. We all do it when we’re having ‘good’ days and it keeps the rest of us motivated to try. If you enjoy something which you can focus on it helps.
Have you looked through old photos with your mam? She might enjoy that. My mam often said to me she could remember the past vividly, even if she couldn’t remember what she had done the day before. I often revisit my childhood, where I felt safe and mam was forever. It breaks my heart that I can never see or talk to her again. I love her so much. I kept waiting for her to ‘visit’ me but she never did. I’m still waiting. I wish mam had talked to me about afterwards. I was so unprepared for the fallout and devastation. Reaching out now as you are gives you some clarity on what it feels like afterwards. You have some preparation while still being able to enjoy your lovely mam. I so wish I could have had some insight so I could have done / said more when I had the chance to. But mam was often drifting or asleep.
Keep popping in. We are all here for you. To know I am not alone has made such a massive difference to me. I feel less frightened. I was always so independent in life and now I just want to be with her.
Lots of love xxx
Blimey it’s muggy! Just cooling down after a shower before taking granddad out for Sunday lunch, not going to let some hot weather som too that!
@Heidi5 welcome. Sorry you’ve had to find us but glad you have. Anticipatory grief must be so difficult. My neighbour has just lost her dad this week after having him live with them for the last three years as he had cancer and then dementia. Was very sad to see.
@christine51 yes I am close with my neighbour, she’s lovely and was with my when mum died. Obviously the circumstances are different and at the moment she is quite numb and guilty for feeling that way and guilty for almost relief but I told her this is entirely normal and not to panic, especially after caring for someone who was so elderly and ill. All the emotions will come when they feel like it, sometimes all at once!
Granddad is here this weekend. Took him to the sheep fair yesterday. Not a lot of sheep and. Or great quality (not like he farmed!) but interesting to see different breeds. Also fun to see some sheep sheering, not done that for a looong time! You’d have been in your element with all the wool about!
@NEILB72 will be thinking of you on your dads birthday. Hope the day is gentle on you
Hope everyone is keeping cool!
Beki
@christine51 oh I can post photos from my phone this time!
Okay some quick gardens update!
Now have two green bins. I can’t get to the tip so the £45 for a second one from the council seems a good plan as SO much growth to be cut back
I just keep going in and hacking away like I am exploring a jungle!
Last year
This year so far
In my hacking back reclaimed my metal arch bench that was total hidden in the overgrowth
Gave it a respray in black and gold. Had enough left to do an old white rusty chair too
Right better get to lunch!
Beki x
Hi christine51,
I check my internet connection when I think it is too slow. https://www.speedtest.net/
If it is slow, I switch off the router for about 10 to 20 seconds and test again. It happens a lot - (Takltalk) - I will change to BT soon and hope to get one of the new VOIP phones. (Talktalk used to be good, but now it could hardly be any worse.)
Just in case you do not know. We all get the new phone by December 2025. The old phone system is just too old and no longer cost effective. The new system runs over the internet now. We will also get better sound quality. It also supports video. (Other countries like Germany have had the new system for some time now.) - If any one has hearing problems, many of the new phones support HAC.
“A HAC phone allows a compatible hearing aid to connect wirelessly with the phone’s handset, usually via a telecoil — a tiny coil of wire that can act as an electromagnetic receiver across both devices.”
I think I will (might) treat myself to one of these phones: SIP-T58W (Pro) with Camera - Smart Business Desk Phone | Yealink
The T58W does cost a bit £351 - It has a video camera and a cordless receiver and I could walk with it through you hose. - Non that I really need it, I talk to most of my friends on Jitsi meet anyway.
I have noticed that you a bit better now an hope it will continue. And, give Posrsch a hough from me. (I love your photos.) - Nick
Hi Beki,
You did make me smile with all the lovely sheep pics and yes! I would have been collecting random bits of wool flying about as I went round. What a lovely day out. I’ve always wanted to live on a farm and have sheep, chickens, goats wild, cats etc. It stems from my holidays to Yorkshire, staying with my aunties family. Such a beautiful setting and the house was a dream. Proper old stone. Loved playing camps in the barn and feeding the babies during lambing in the big country kitchen. So removed from my life. But I can still dream!
You have made such a huge difference to your garden. And the furniture looks great! Are you enjoying spending time out there? Hope so. You must feel so energised with the progress you’ve made. Must take forever to trim that lawn. You could do stripes in it. Really well done you! That’s a massive achievement. Reminds me I have to tackle mine with all the weeding and cutting back.
You’re doing so well Beki. You’ll be an inspiration to your neighbour. I’m sure she’ll be calling on you for advice. or to just listen. I’m so pleased you have good people around you. Bet your grandad loved his day out. Did you collect any wool to bring home as a souvenir?
I sat out with Porsch for a bit this morn but had to come in because I feel quite rough again. Got nothing done. And it didn’t pour down again. Will try to get more of the patio cemented this week.
Got some chicken bits in to tempt Porsch and it seems to be working. She must be starving as she’s hardly eating. She’s out again but I’ll be getting her back in soon and settle down to some tv.
Hope your lunch was good. Haven’t been out for lunch in years.
Donlt know how you get so much done with the gardening and getting out and about with friends, not to forget your fabulous craft club. And working from home too. You must have bags of energy!
When is your next swimming trip? Such a lovely pic. I’m planning on going after my therapy Tuesday if Porsch is ok. Don’t like leaving her too long.
Going to see what’s on tv and treat myself to a slice of cake.
Lots of love xxx
Hello Neil
Sending some love and compassion for this special day.
Hope today is kind to you.
Much love xx
Hi Nick,
Thank you for the info. I will check my internet speed with on your link. Handy to have. And telling me about the new phone system explains the random email I got from my provider. They say I will lose my number so not happy about that. I won’t be treating myself to a new phone. Got mine from ebay for £30 just for the cameras and for emergencies for the car. I would never get a phone costing that! Imagine if you lost it. Because I don’t go out much and don’t have anyone to call.
Porsch is doing a lot better and enjoying the chicken pieces I bought her. She refuses to eat the paste or the wet food now. I even tried dipping the chicken in the paste but she’s so stubborn. I’ll ask the vet if she can just eat chicken with her medication. Better than starving because she’s lost so much weight. Over the initial panic of her dying but I know it’s coming. I’m trying not to react until it happens.
Booked a swim at the outdoor pool for tomorrow after my therapy. Haven’t been in ages. Feeling really exhausted again though. Had to rest yesterday. Didn’t get anything done in the garden but did enjoy sitting with Porsch watching the birds and squirrels.
Creep has left early so I have free time to enjoy. Might take another look at the fence bit and work out what I need to do. Was in a real panic last time incase he came back before I’d put everything back again. If I can work out where to put the posts and get them in the rest will follow.
What are you up to today? Really looking forward to seeing the work you’ve done in the garden.
Lots of love xxx
Hello Christine
Is it today you take Porsch to the vets or just get her prescription? I hope she’s feeling a touch better this morning. That is such a wonderful photo of her face. If only cats could talk, her expression almost does. Cats are so captivating in their gaze.
I hope your Niece getting in touch means you can both have a bit of time together. I know you had concerns about her motives for visiting but I hope it doesn’t work out that way and you have a good time today. It would be nice if she would spend some time at your house. A bit of interest for you and a poke in the eye for your next door neighbours that thinks you have nothing better to do than to be interested in his antics.
Was going to go out of town this morning just to get away, even planned what I was going to do but just didn’t have the mental energy to follow it through. I’ve had such a rubbish weekend with the usual “issue”. Might try later on. Its much cooler now, it makes it a bit easier to walk Amy amount of distance.
I love the photos. Your plants are fabulous. I can imagine it took a long time for the garden to become so established with the larger shrubs, trees etc that you have. If I saw something out of the ordinary that was hardy I might consider buying it but other wise I’ll just stick with the plants I have. I was out on the front weeding the paving slabs again yesterday. It looks like they have moved a bit away from the house so will have to fill them in. Not sure if dry sand and cement is suitable or if I’d have to use a wee mixed cement. I hate doing anything like that as I always get the ratios wrong.
I best for and see what Zoe is doing. She won’t keep still. I feel like feeding her 20 tins of dog food to weight her down !
Will catch up soon
Much love to you both xx
Hi Neil,
Sending you extra love today and for your dad. To have been so loved and to love in return is a wonderful thing. Enjoy your precious memories and I’m sure the tears will flow but let them. Your dad will be so proud of you Neil. Like I have said before, you are an inspiration to us all with your achievements and positivity. Hope you pop in today and let us know how you are doing. Will see you later.
Lots of love xxx and some for your dad too xxx
Hi Nick
Was intrigued to hear about the phone system that has been in place being phased out. I remember speaking with TalkTalk when I moved service to them but time goes on and it gets forgotten about. I’ll be sad to lose the number as we got the phone installed for Mum.
There is only two of us here so don’t have a huge phone and TV package. It only costs £23 for the landline and internet and it’s due to expire I think very soon so don’t know where to go from there. In my experience TalkTalk have been excellent but NOW TV internet was dire. And you do worry when you take these things out how they will actually fare don’t you.
Hope today is good Nick
You’ve earned a bit of time to sit back and be proud of the work and effort you’ve been putting into things recently.
Much love to you.
Hi Tina,
You do make me laugh! I’m sure Zoe would wolf 20 tins down and still be wanting more. And rather than weighing her down she’d be jumping about the garden with extra energy.
Porsch is at the vet Wed so I’ll ask if she can just eat the chicken she seems to be enjoying now. Won’t entertain the renal foods at all. I even tried dipping the chicken into the paste but she wouldn’t have it. Waiting to see if she has a huge poo today! They’ve been so tiny or non existent. But at least she will put a bit of weight back on by then. And if she gets her appetite boost meds it should improve things. She even came up and snuggled in this morn to wake me for breakfast. So she’s more like her old self. I was just explaining to Nick that the panic is on hold about her leaving me but I know it’s coming. Trying not to think about it and just hanging onto the fact that she’s eating again now.
Booked a swim for tomorrow after therapy as I haven’t been for a few weeks. Will text my niece and see if she has changed her hours to join me but she probably won’t. Feeling quite exhausted again after doing the patio days ago. Just can’t shake it off. But the creep is away to work so I’ll have another look at the fence situation and where to place the posts. If I can work that out I’ve cracked it and can do bits at a time to get the job finished. It’s the panic incase he comes home and I have a gap for him to crawl through that stops me doing it. If I don’t get that done I’ll try digging out the dirt between paving slabs in prep for getting my cement delivery, though it’s meant to rain again this week. I fill the gaps with gravel pebbles and fill the area with dry cement. I then add bits of water and any run off I sweep back in. Any areas with too much water or gaps I just add more dry cement until I have a filled in area. Very trial and error. Didn’t use sand. But it seems to do the trick and dries in 12 hours, though still looks wet in places. Means I can keep the place clean of bird seed and don’t have to keep picking out growing grass. You can get ready made cement mix but not sure how far that would go. The large tubs I use are Amazon.co.uk
Well done for doing the patio at the front. I wouldn’t even try. I have a dead tree and broken path from the roots and now seem to have killed the hedge with trimming off too much green. I had to do it for the cameras. It was quite amusing seeing him waving his arms around slagging off my hedge and displaying his like he’d won a prize. A grown man! Wish someone would poke his eyes out so he couldn’t spy on me anymore!
Was just seeing all the flooding around the country with stranded cars and people having to be rescued. Reminds me of the road to mams which was always flooded with rain from the fields. I was always in a panic driving there on my own, and then back again, incase I got stuck. But I’d brave it now for a chance to see her again. If you do go for a walk do you have any nice parks nearby? Or the seafront? Can’t remember how far away you are from the beach. A daily blustery walk along the promenade would be magical for freeing your mind and make the day go faster. I always find setting up a routine through the week challenging, like swimming, but once it’s in place it’s just a matter of doing it. If it’s planned it’s easier because I know how my week / day is shaped. I used to find swimming quite freeing because I’d plan my textiles for getting back (in winter). It’s so easy to not do stuff. Just need to start again.
I was so lucky with the trees already in my garden and the figs I have now were new shoots from the very old massive fig tree which was too near the house and had to be cut down (much to my disappointment). The creep cut down the trees on the border at the top of the garden and now I have put the fence up he’s chopped the private too. It was about a third bramble and took ages to cut down. I still get brambles springing up after 17 years of being here. New trees have sprang up over time and I’m encouraging them, as well as planting my own. I wish I had just planted lots of trees for a woodland themed garden so I would have cover everywhere. When I have finished the patio I’ll have my large tubs filled with roses and seasonal colour around them. I have so little light now in summer that I’ll have to rethink what I can grow. But the orchard is thriving. No peaches yet like last year. And still waiting for blackcurrents. My new little fruit trees seem to have taken. I always feel sad when plants die and wonder what I’m doing wrong. Mam had ‘green fingers’ but I don’t think I do. But I know that climbers will do well so I could always get more of them. I miss my bargains at the pound shop. It’s quite far for me to go on my own. And I always panic in there and have to leave because it’s so rammed.
Must make a start or the creep will be back and I’ll not get anything done. Will pop back again with pics of what I get up to.
Lots of love xxx
Hello again,
I’ve used Plusnet for years now (phone line rental and internet for about £25 a month). Although there are occasional hiccups with losing internet I 've always found them to be the best, having used TalkTalk previously and I think BT. They’ve always been the cheapest and best service for my area.
xxx
