Hi Tina,
Babe, never feel like you have to apologise for not posting. I haven’t been posting for a couple of days (feels like a week!) because I seem to have been so busy trying to get more of the trellis done and then exhausted. But I have finished!!! Last trellis and bamboo roll went up today. Can’t believe it. You’ll see my pics in my post to Suzanne. The sense of relief in getting that job done is immense because it has dragged on for such a long time. Think I started the top trellis in February? Still need to sort the ivy and add some half arches to the fence so that even if he tried seeing over the top he’ll find his view blocked by the curve. I’ll add pieces of bamboo. And then train the ivy all along the bamboo tops. So he can’t watch me anymore. Noticed he has taken down that mirror and ladders he had on the shed wall. I knew he was using that to watch me through the gap. So I’ve finally won the battle to not be watched. Just wonder if he’s going to be following me whenever I leave the house. I went swimming after therapy again yester. Only for 20 mins. I still need to push myself to get to the local pool and make that a daily thing again.
I completely get that feeling of being overwhelmed with anxiety and not getting out the house at all. I have the creep arriving home on one side when I left the house for my therapy and Mr. Testosterone on the other, parked on the grass after I told him he cannot do that. Plus a massive van. They were doing the garden. So I reported him to Parking Enforcement. They did nothing and when I rang today to say he is parked on the grass again I was told it isn’t a parking matter but a traffic offense, to drive across the pavement and then to park on the grass, and to report it to the local police! So I did. They will keep an eye out and stop him parking there. Like you say, if peeps behaved themselves this situation would not have occured. I don’t want to be the one to report my neighbours but I will not tolerate being told I cannot use the communal lawn for my compost bins but he uses it as his private carpark. So I hope he gets caught and if he does again I hope they clamp him or fine him or whatever it is they do to people who refuse to follow the law. I just want a quiet life! But if I hadn’t done anything what else would he do? So a very stressful day. Takes the shine off my joy of finishing my fence.
Tina I wish you had someone there to do stuff with, or even to pop round for a cuppa. At least living alone I have the freedom to do exactly as I please and don’t have to take anything else into consideration. I can imagine the fights I would have if he were my bro! I always wanted an older brother so I could tag along going to the pub. Sure the reality is very different. But I wish he was kinder to you. I’m pleased you spent time with your nephew before he goes off on his adventures. Oh to be young! Would your sis not want to pop out for a coffee? I know exactly how it is with my sisters when I still had them (haven’t heard from the one up north for a long time now, and my niece). Always stressful whatever was happening.
I wish you could get a good nights sleep. I took Zopiclone for a couple of weeks to ease me back into a sleep pattern. Porsch is being a nightmare, screaming to wake me up for food during the night and very early morn so I’m not getting a proper sleep but it’s better than it was. I sometimes pretend I’m still asleep but she knows! And then I feel guilty because she can’t get her own food and so I get up but I am really knackered all the time now. That’s why I wasn’t posting for a couple of days, falling asleep or fighting to stay awake until bedtime.
Have you ever thought about going to a private therapist for your anxiety? You could get a short treatment course through your GP for CBH - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy - where you face the fear with a trained psychologist as a method of diluting the fear through repetition. It only reinforced the fear for me. We walked through the high street when I was virtually housebound living with my parents. But I could have never imagined living independently then. It would take ages I’m sure but might be worth a try. There’s also online groups for agoraphobia. Could be a help as another support system, like this is for us all. I haven’t posted there for a while but it did help to find that I wasn’t alone. It helps to know others are suffering too. Strange that we find comfort in that. I suppose it’s the understanding, not having to explain, to be believed etc. I just wish you were not so far away.
Still catching up with all the posts so will go for now. Might try swimming tomorrow just to get away from here!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
Just catching up with everyone as I’ve been so busy in the garden and then trying not to fall asleep as I’m so exhausted. You’ll see in my post to Suzanne I’ve finished my fence / trellises today !!! (can’t quite believe it), reported Mr Testosterone to the police for still parking on the grass after I told him not to (so that is an ongoing drama now), discovered the creep has removed the mirror he was obviously using to watch me through the gap (at last I am free of his creepy gaze) and I’m trying to not strangle Porsch with her screaming and insisting in being fed throughout the night or in the middle of a good programme. She’s driving me mad!
Got your seeds yesterday. Thank you very much. When I have turned over the new bed behind the pond / along the patio / trellis area I will plant them in with the climbers, roses and bamboo. The red will look pretty against all the green. I noticed new growth on some of my pond plants and I’ve removed the plastic hanging baskets that I used for the pumps to sit in (they’re now on a brick). Hope the pond will clear with the new treatment I’ll try. And if the plants don’t really grow I’ll try something else. So many of my potted plants, including the roses, haven’t grown or have died. Can’t understand it. Some things really flourish where others die for no reason. Keep having to remind myself not to take it to heart and keep going with the garden. It will be nice though to not have the pressure to finish that fence! Can’t quite believe it’s done.
Well done you for getting a date for your knee. Fingers crossed that it goes ahead. I know there’s never a great time to have it done but at least it’s summer and you can enjoy the fresh air through an open window if you can’t get into the garden. It certainly is the start of a new chapter in your life, handing in your notice earlier than expected. I can only imagine how upsetting it must be to arrive at this stage of your life and not be able to share it with Doug. But cherish all those wonderful loving years you had together. I know it doesn’t make it better. But you have that. To be loved and to love is the most precious thing. And he’ll be so proud of you, your courage and determination to keep going. And I’m proud of you for your work ethic, getting back in there to finish stuff as you won’t be there on the first. People notice that stuff. You’ll be genuinely missed when you leave. I remember when mam retired and we had a party for her at home. She was so happy but I’m wondering now if she felt a little lost afterwards. Not having a purpose. I always so busy with my own life. I wish I’d paid more attention, been around more, made an effort to do stuff together. Getting upset again now. There’s always something on tv every evening to make me think of mam and get really upset. Or it comes out the blue, from nowhere. I miss her so much. It still doesn’t seem real.
Hope you have someone to come in and water your garden while you’re in hospital. I know it’s a big thing but just imagine the rest you’ll get. Have you got a new book to start when you get back home? You could order some films too to watch. Having things planned for when you get back will mean there’s stuff to enjoy while you recover. And if friends and family will be popping in you’ll be kept busy. I’m sure you’ll be pampered!
I managed to have a swim again after my therapy, even though it’s a quick 20 mins as swimming lessons start and I have to get out. Hope to get to the local pool again and start a daily routine like I had before. So easy to just not bother or to have other things take priority. I have no excuse now that the fence is finished.
Still catching up with everyone. Thank you again for the seeds. Hope they take! It’s so hit and miss as to what will grow in my garden. But I’m determined to keep going.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Just catching up with everyone as I’ve been so busy in the garden with the fencing. At last I am finished! Never thought it would happen but it has. I posted pics in my post to Suzanne. I just do it to whoever is first in the posts. You’ll also have read about MR Testosterone parking on the grass. I remember you saying about people doing whatever they please since lockdown and it is so true. This bloke thinks the rules don’t apply to him. And that he can ignore what I have said. So I’ve informed the police as it’s a traffic offence. I’m so tired of being ignored. But he is breaking the law. It’s not a petty thing. He’ll realise now I can’t be pushed around. It’s exhausting living here!
Glad your Tues wasn’t as bad as it usually is. And that you have things planned to look forward to with the new ballet season starting soon. I’ve started swimming again after therapy, just 20 mins but it’s something and I’m hoping to start a routine again at the local pool. Just hope the creep doesn’t follow! He has taken his mirror down from the shed wall since I filled the gap in the fence. I knew he was using that to watch me. Can’t be a coincidence. I just hope I can find peace now in knowing that when I’m in the garden I won’t be watched like before. And I can have my nets open when I’m at home. It will make a massive difference to the light in the house.
Porsch has been driving me mad, wanting attention all of the time, needing to see me and screaming if I’m not in the same room as her (my 1 bedroom bungalow is hardly roomy to get lost in!) She’s pestering me now for kisses and cuddles. She may be small but she’s certainly a big presence! The house will be so empty when she isn’t here. That is what I keep thinking.
Have you heard from your relatives since they got back? Be nice to keep in touch, maybe’s write an occasional letter with a card. I used to love having a pen pal as a kid. I know it’s all online now but it’s still special. How is your pal? I imagine some weeks feel like they will never end and others fly by. That’s like me with therapy, depending how busy I am and what’s happening. He can’t believe the antics that go on in my street.
Porsch is on the move and I’m hoping she’ll have some food so I’ll go now. She likes her food warmed in the microwave and then I sit and hold her bowl, turning it as she makes her way round the gravy. It’s the only way I know what she is eating.
See you later hun.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine 
Came home today and this is how the neighbour has parked!! They have been on hols for a week and it’s been braw and came home and nearly smacked straight into the side of it! Kids running about being noisy little fuckers (sorry for bad language lol) and I just canna deal after a long day at work 
x
No the mother Osprey (NCO) hasn’t appeared still yet so either something has happened to her (really hope not) or she has had enough already and started her journey back to Africa over a month early. It’s looking like we won’t really know until next March and see if she returns unless she makes an appearance within the next week or so. The male (LM12) is trying to protect the nest from intruders whilst still helping feed the babies but they are both fledged so are a bit more independent x will see more on Sat x
The tattoo I got on Monday was a simple one and it’s script that says ‘just one yesterday’. It’s from one of my favourite songs that hit a new level after mum went and if folk don’t get it then I’m not explaining it all but for you I will lol x. The full verse is ‘if heaven’s grief brings hell’s rain then I’d trade all my tomorrow’s for just one yesterday’…I would trade them all if it meant I could spend one more with mum. However not going to dwell on it but I smile and think of her when I see it x
I’m sorry to hear that Creep and Mr T are causing you even more anxiety, anger etc etc x there is literally no need for the amount of entitlement and lies people are exhibiting nowadays x
Did get a laugh at work today though cause I saw our newest colleague selling this guy fish and I recognised him as being a guy who’s wife had kicked off at me yesterday and stormed out cause I refused her fish. I went up to my colleague and sure enough he had asked her for the same fish I had refused so I go round to him and say ‘are these fish for the same tank we discussed yesterday when your wife was here?’ His face was a picture…he started to stutter and ramble on about how he forgot he had two tanks….I looked at him and was like ‘oh is that right aye?’ Told him if he insisted on buying them we would not be replacing or refunding them if they died which they all will…absolute moron x but his face was a picture x
Will pop in and speak more tomorrow as need to get to bed so until tomorrow 
x
Hi Suzanne,
Your poem / song brought tears to my eyes! So true. I would still trade my life / my everything to see mam again, even if I couldn’t speak to her or hold her. Just to know she was there infront of me. Didn’t know my ordinary would become my precious. Upset again. I was never a cryer before mam. Wouldn’t cry for anything, apart from a film, but not real life. Now I can’t stop myself and it can come from nowhere and everywhere. Just can’t trust myself anymore.
Made me laugh at the fish scenario. My friend along the doors tried buying fish and was told they don’t sell them on a Thursday! Me thinks he may have been quite sozzled!
I didn’t realise the van was attached to the caravan. Always reminds me of being little going camping, the long journeys, needing a wee, one cat wretching under the seats while the other is quite enjoying the journey wrapped around dad’s neck. The worst was when the cat had really bad diarhea. That and the Stinking Bishop coming back from France. Miss being little with everything to look forward to when mam was forever.
I am really amazed at how much drama goes on in your pet shop. I think covid has warped peoples perception of the world and how they should behave. I do love watching stuff on youtube, people fighting and getting kicked off planes, getting tazered and the ‘karens’ falling over when they’re up to no good. I wonder when the world shifted for people to lose their manners. Wonder if I’ll be at home to see what happens with the police and Mr T. He should have listened! Will keep you posted if anything happens.
Porsch is off her food again so I’m going to coax her with a treat just to get something into her. But I was relieved to see a poo in her tray. Don’t know how though when all she eats is the gravy.
See you soon.
Lots of love xxx
Hiya Christine
I thought I’d bob on whilst I can and my brain is still functioning. Was on earlier for a short while but something needed doing at the time.
I had to go and get a Birthday Card this morning for my Sister so I went very early before I could start feeling shaky and talk myself out of it. I find the nerves are worse as I am walking to and fro to where Im going rather than when I get somewhere, but the human mind knows no logic so won’t even try to make sense of it. As it turned out I got bogged down with bargains I said I was never going to buy again! Asda were selling colour changing solar light stakes for 31p so I bought one. I only bought one because we have so many but it was the spying of a cheap price that attracted me rather than the item! In B&M they’d reduced everything to half price from the gardening section too. They had faceted glass table bowls with a solar light on the top so I did buy one of those. Not so much for the light as much as how pretty the glass was and could be used as a candle holder in the house after as the lid comes off perfectly. But then it got later in the morning and I didn’t get my card so will have to go out again for a card now so hope I feel ok. Thanks for suggesting the CBT. I did 8 weeks the NHS once. There’s more to that than you think isn’t there.
I can just picture the scene with the parking situation Christine. Round here they have had to cut some of the green play areas away and make them into parking areas. There are cars lined on each side and if you have a pram or wheelchair then you really are up the swannee. They’ve got no thought for the emergency services either. But people want what they want and there’s little consideration left for anyone else. I can well understand about the van as well. If I had to guess it’s a big white van, the road is awash with white vans parked outside here. Well done for standing your ground too because people know the majority will back down half the time so they can do what they want knowing they won’t get challenged. Yes it is a traffic offence what you mention and I think it’s also an offence now, or will be, to park on a pavement edge. It’s just so annoying that they make the rules but don’t follow them through.
I am really pleased you’ve sorted out the fencing to suit your needs. I don’t know how you can get that high up on your own and fox them up on your own. Just be careful.
I get appreciate how hard it is to give Porsche her tablet. They can be devious little things sometimes! I know you feel bad for shouting at her but I think you know it comes from a good place as you just want to make sure she gets the best treatment she needs. Tomorrow is another day so let’s hope she’s more cooperative.
Well I must sign off as it’s midnight and I’m knackered.
Much love to you both xx
Hi Christine
Nice to hear from you . I try and get on here when I can. You mention my Oz relatives. I had a video message from my other cousin out there last week which was nice. Had a good catch up.
Doing somethinh special for Mums birthday week and seeing my must see show Crazy For You . Will be booking last minute as there are big last minute discounts on offer all the time for the show . Its a show she would love. Her birthday is on Fri 11th Aug - I dont go to shows on Fridays so will pick one other day that week ( prob the Wed 9th).
Will catch up again soon
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Tina,
I wish I could go shopping with you for bargains! I inherited all of my parents garden things and then my sister’s so I had a lot to sort through, use what was good, bin the tat but then make use out of lovely glass lights, like you say, taking the light bit off and using the glass as a lovely garden bowl to house flowers and bits with roots to grow on. I have all the crystal drinks things too (excuse the foggy brain!) so the table is full of bits after I pruned to let the light into the mid section.
Well done for getting out with the anxiety. I think it would be worth trying anything you can get on the NHS. I know 6 or 8 weeks isn’t much, and there’ll be a long waiting list, but it could give you a boost and be something to look forward to doing in your week. I used to meet up at the park. When I was first housed I had help through a housing trust, because I was vulnerable. I had 3 lovely people but then dropped it after the last one was more concerned about chatting to her boyfriend when I was waiting to find out if the cancer had spread. I kept in touch with 2 but it fizzled out as I’m not able to go out and do stuff, travel to see them, claustrophobic to have them visit me etc.
I’ve had another stressful day, explaining the parking situation to the police who have decided it’s not for them but will contact the awful woman at the council who didn’t believe me about the creep and tried to get me to drop my complaint against him, saying the massive hole in the wall had always been there!!! So I have no hope in getting anywhere. So having made a big fuss the obnoxious bloke will get away with it. It seems people know exactly how the system works, that they can do exactly as they please and if anyone stands up to them and complains it’s a case of pass the parcel as to who’s job it is to reinforce the law. I’m beyond furious!!! I was told that it is a traffic offence and that if a ticket inspector sees him parked on the grass he will issue a ticket. I’ve never seen one around here, despite the double yellows and residential parking bays which nobody wants to pay for and so parks anywhere they can. So I would have to come across one while out, have a chat and take their number in order to call them to come round to hand out tickets. If he got enough of them he’d stop. The other thing would be to make it public knowledge that anyone can use the grass anywhere to park. Mr T is not special. He cannot be the only one allowed to park because he wants to. Honestly, I despair! Fuming! The parking enforcement team told me they would not deal with this issue. I might contact my MP to clarify who is responsible. It’s only because I have to obey the rules about not using that grass but he doesn’t.
Been doing the dreaded fishtank. Always a big job as I have to clear the floors of rugs, doors of curtains, lay towels down for the toing and froing of buckets, emptying into the bath and topping the water up with the hose through the bathroom window, along the hall and into the sitting room. I have all the cleaning afterwards too. So doing it in stages as I’m shattered. Don’t know how old Elsie is now but she’s huge and the little pond goldfish from my sisters garden has grown. It’s lovely watching them together. It’s very calming too sitting watching the birds in the tree canopy over the pergola, sheltering from the rain. I slipped in the garden earlier when I was feeding them. Forgot that my rubber shoes don’t go well with the paving.
I’m covered in bruises from doing the fence. Creep has been creeping and I didn’t know until it was too late as I had my windows open. The fence isn’t soundproof so chatting to Porsch just proves he’s listening when he was repeating what I was saying. I’m hoping he doesn’t start following me again when I start the swimming and Sainsbury’s like I did before. If I catch him I’ll contact my MP and know exactly what I can do and what to expect if I report him as nothing at all was done when he carved out that hole. I’m astounded at everything that has happened to me living here and that nothing is done to protect me. I wonder what they did before cameras were invented. It will be more difficult to see him following though as he has a white van in a sea of white vans! Did I mention he removed the mirror from the shed wall, using it to spy on me. Spying is such a difficult thing to prove as he knows where the cameras are. I’m grateful the rain keeps stops him going into the garden. Can’t see through the fence so can’t see if he’s up to anything.
I am so very tired today. Not sleeping well as Porsch is not eating again. This happens when she has her treats (when I give in or if she’s being good) and she’s lost weight. She won’t sit beside me now and has even gone in the bedroom. I’m so tired of trying to please her, or at least coping with the situation. She’s so unhappy and wants my food when I’m eating. I just keep thinking that when the time comes she will be at peace with mam, but then that thought is unbearable because she won’t be here to love. Getting upset again. I can imagine my day, not having a reason to wake up, apart from to feed the fish, and Elsie is old now. I would probably feed the birds and sleep all day long. I dread that time arriving.
All the baby birds are out there again now the rain has stopped. I wonder where they will go when my garden is no longer a haven for them.
Off to continue cleaning the bathroom. It’s great seeing the fishtank clean again but it’s such hard work. I don’t know how you manage running around after Zoe all day. Hope she’s being good!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
I’m so pleased you had a video chat with your cousin. Will it be a regular thing? Doesn’t take much to lift us up and keep us going. Pleased too that you have another thing to see. What will you do for your mams birthday? I’m dreaded the end of the garden season in Autumn, then xmas, mams birthday and all the calendar things next year. Porsch isn’t doing well at the mo as she’s not eating her food again and just wanting treats. I’m so worried that I won’t have her by the end of the year. It will become another heartbreaking date on the calendar.
Just posted to Tina about the infuriating runaround I’m having with the obnoxious bloke parking on the grass. You would think that enforcing the law would be a priority. It seems to be one rule for me and not for others. I’m so exhausted with trying to get ‘justice’ (I know how petty this all sounds but living in this environment is taking it’s toll on me). It really is a case of pass the parcel where nobody will deal with the issue. So if he’s allowed to continue parking there I think it should be open to everyone everywhere. Imagine the chaos and the state of the grass. It’s annoying because I follow the rules, never do anything I shouldn’t and when I see others getting up to mischief I want them to be stopped. Seems I’m wasting my energy. Hope your neighbours are nice. Do you still keep in contact with the woman and child who moved away? It’s so easy to lose touch with people. I saw a thing about old age and keeping relationships going. I’m not even there yet and no relationships to nurture. I left my whole life and everyone in it when I moved here because of the stalking. It was my new start. Little did I know then what the reality would be.
Soz Neil, I seem to have taken a downward turn. It’s the tiredness of coping with Porsch and her illness and now the parking situation.
Just realised your mams birthday is the same day that Debbie will be getting her knee op (fingers crossed it goes ahead). I always struggled to think of new pressies for mams birthday as it was so soon after xmas. One thing she did love was a yearly subscription to Homes and Gardens magazine. She would always buy it herself. Actually, I’m not sure if that was a Mothers Day thing. It’s all a bit foggy. Wish I had a good memory. She feels very far away again at the mo.
I’ve seen a lot of adverts for the film you are going to see. Love the sexy actor but don’t want to see it. Too upsetting. I never used to be this fragile but I’m on the verge of upset the whole time.
It’s been raining on and off all day but nice to sit with the windows open and seeing the babies in the canopy sheltering from the rain. Can’t quite believe my fence is finished. I do feel like I have more freedom now in the garden but it is worrying that I wouldn’t know when the creep is lurking behind the fence. He was listening earlier to me chatting to Porsch and my conversations with the council and police. I have no privacy at all but at least the horrors I am surrounded by know I won’t be pushed around. Whether I get any closure is another matter entirely. I’ve become one of those complainers in my mid life. Never thought I’d be effected by other people but then I’ve never lived in this environment. It’s truly an eye opener.
Going to have a snooze I think. Will pop back again later on.
Lots of love xxx
Hi all
Popping by to say hello! I’ve been rubbish at popping in as life all seems a bit chaotic at the moment and I seem to be constantly chasing my tale. Mainly because of the insomnia and weird body clock, I seem to be sleeping late then I am behind for starting work (which thank god is so flexible) and just feel all at sixes and sevens
And the weather, could it be more different for us than last year?! Not that I would want the awful heatwaves Europe has but it does mean I haven’t been in the garden much. That said it seems to like it without me, and all the rain the bedding plants are blooming!
I am still swimming and for August my swimming will be sponsored. Can’t remembered if I mentioned it but my cousin’s hubby has been diagnosed with aggressive bowel cancer at 60. He’s had his first big operation, will have 6 rounds of chemo and then an operation to remove isolated cancer off his liver. All come as a huge shock.
I saw that Bowel Cancer UK were doing there Swim15 campaign in August. Someone is diagnosed every 15mins with bowel cancer so people are being sponsored to do swims on the theme of 15, like 15 lengths, 15km.
I am going to do 15mins cold water swims at least 15 times. I might do some of the blocks together so a 30min swim would count as 2.
I went swimming on Wednesday and it was so cold - 14c!! But I faced my next big fear after deep water, putting my face in water - I hate it. Hate water around my nose. So got some goggles and noseclip and…I did it. I even managed a bit of front crawl. Will try and put some video up!
@NEILB72 my friend and I have booked a London theatre trip for Dec 16th - going to see The Unfriend. This time Lee Mack is in the lead role.
Also booked locally to see a play called Do You Believe In Ghosts.
I’d better try and catch up with work.
love to everyone, Beki x
Hi Beki.
Sorry to hear about your cousin’s husband. Its shocking how it all comes out unexpectedly.
Missed The Unfriend last time it was in London so might be able to catch it this time.
I’ve been sleeping longer too. A few months ago I wasnt getting enough sleep- cant win!
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Beki,
Always love top see you pop in and really looking forward to your video of the swimming. Awful news about your cousins hubbie. Bowel cancer is very common but one of those hidden diseases because nobody wants to talk about it. Mam always told me I should look at my toilet to know what is happening, see any changes. I think it’s really great that you’re doing sponsored swimming for the campaign. And cold water (you are brave) is meant to be very good for us. My therapist has a client who has a tub in his garden. He takes a cold water dip every morn, even in winter. Won’t be doing that myself as I hate the cold. I also don’t like my face being splashed swimming and always look the other way is someone is very splashy. Started a short swim after my therapy but need to get back to the local pool.
Did you see I’d finished my trellis all the way down to the house? Making a huge difference to me but now I’m very aware that the creep could be lurking and I wouldn’t know he was there, like when he laughed behind the fence after I’d filled in the hole. Need to add some arches to raise the height again and add plastic so that if he does look over he won’t be able to see in my window. You are lucky having such good neighbours. The husband of the new neighbour is still parking on the grass as if it’s his own private drive! But I did get a reply from parking so hopefully they will sort him out. I don’t care being unpopular. Peeps need to know they have to follow the rules of life like everyone else outside of this street. The council workmen don’t even park on the grass for getting work done. Never thought I’d become so affected by others around me but they are all anti social in some way.
I know how awful it is to not be sleeping and always trying to catch up during the day. Have you tried Zopiclone? It really helped me get back into a normal sleep pattern. That being said, Porsch wakes me at all hours (4 am this morn and then again at 7) for food but I’m happy she’s got her appetite back. She’s really enjoying her food again since I started sprinkling the renal treats in the gravy (very tricky having to cut the little biscuits up but worth it). How are your babies? You’re so right about the weather being all over the place. Porsch insists on being out there on her cushion whatever the weather. I’ve been making a nest of blankets for her as she’s so skinny now. Like you said, all we can do is love them and care for them as much as we can. And she takes advantage of me in every way possible!
Keep going Beki. Being busy is better than just sitting pondering things and getting upset.
Lots of love hun xxx
Hiya Christine
How are you this afternoon. I’ve just been reading up on the posts. I don’t always have opportunity to reply as soon as I’ve read something so I understand things can change.
I don’t think I’ve bought anything of interest since I last posted. Couldn’t go down town yesterday to buy the birthday card for my sister so I went to town first thing and was in B&M’s for 8am this morning. I should have bought the card when I first saw it but I’m very indecisive with cards and always think I will see something I like better so always leave it almost too late!
Just reading about your ongoing predicament with the parking situation. What a faff trying to get anyone in authority at all to take responsibility for anything. All anyone would want is to be treated fairly but if you do as you are expected and life of “doing the right thing” it’s now classed as a sign of weakness. Which is a great shame. You’ll blow your brains out trying to deal with the Council so let’s hope a possible resolution is found.
How often do you have to do the fishtank? That all sounds such a mammoth task, no wonder you are covered in bruises. At least no major problems since you slipped doing the fencing. A couple of broken bones is something you definitely don’t want.
I’m hardly surprised Christine you can’t fathom out all that has been happening to you since you’ve been there. You’ve been brought up in better and known better and to be honest it’s very much so a shock to the system. Humility seems in short supply these days in some quarters.
I’m gonna see if I can get a brew before he comes home from work. Im knackered but done Sweet Fanny Adams today as the saying goes. Zoe was on turbo-charge at 6.30am and wanted to play tug in the garden! I’ve done the tidying and everything is straight do I think a chocolate bar with my coffee is in order!!
You two take care and see you later.
Much love xx
Hi Neil,
Just got back from watching Barbie with my daughter, son in law and two grandchildren.
The grandchildren have seen it twice now.
Barbie was good but weird, really aimed at adults, alot of innuendoes and double entendres, Barbie and Ken are having an identity crisis and confused about the real world and the Ken’s are trying to take over Barbie land with a new Patriarchy.
It’s a 12A, enough fun content for youngsters to enjoy, but alot of it might go over the head of younger teenagers. The teenage girls sitting in front of us started playing on their phones so I think got a bit bored in places. Definitely not for small children.
We thought this might be a good A level study in future years in sociology of stereotypes and the role of male and females in the modern world.
Glad I’ve seen it.
I think you will like it Neil.
Sending love
Debbie x
Hi Tina,
I meant to ask how you are after playing tug with Zoe and hurting your shoulder? Made me smile imagining her turbo charged for play so early. At least Porsch is pleased with a quick plate of food and her cushion in the garden. She’s put some weight back on now so I’m really pleased sprinkling treats onto her food has worked. She’s been mooching about the foxes dog food so must have her appetite back.
Well done for getting out early. I do miss weekends of shopping. The thrill of going up London on a Sat and then mooching about the stalls on a Sunday at Camden market. Always found lovely things to wear and for the house. Shopping online just isn’t the same.
Sat out with Porsch for a while but heard the creep on the other side of the fence and then his mate with the dogs so I rigged a plastic sheet up for some privacy. Tried sorting out the pond pumps to create another fountain at the top pond like I used to have, and repurpose the plastic tray in the big pond but didn’t get very far with it. Lost my energy and had to have a sleep until early evening. Seem to be so tired lately without doing much. Think the car parking situation is taking it’s toll. It’s very stressful living amongst people who disregard rules. I really am the odd one out. Waiting to see what happens when my friend gets his designated disabled bay in. I can imagine that will become a big thing about the bloke wanting to use it like he tried to take over mine. Hope it gets sorted soon.
Just watching the end of Kong Island. It’s very good if you like fighting monsters. Will be going to bed now. Porsch is settled and the girls are happy in their clean tank. It is such a big job but worth it. A weekly 2 hour clean but if I left it longer I’d not see them for the algea. Creates a good ambience with the light on in the evening.
I took some pics of the garden today so will post them tomorrow. Little splashes of colour in a sea of green.
See you the. Lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
Just wanted to say, growing up in the North East was very strongly defined with gender roles. Pretty girls generally became hairdressers or typists. I was very rebellious and was the moody arty type. Enjoyed getting dressed up in tiny dresses, huge high heels, massive hair, inch thick makeup, an orange glow from using sunbeds etc. The eighties in Newcastle was all about the glamour. Now I am so much happier faffing about in the mud, taking on huge diy projects as we all know! I’d heard comments that I do not behave how the way I look, that I should be more elegant !, that I don’t care about myself or what people think of me. That I have no confidence and feel ugly after having had breast cancer! All of this without ever having spoken to me and watching me getting grubby in the garden. I’m proud of being a tomboy. ‘They’ see that as being deficient somehow, that I refuse to behave as expected. It seems a generation of men and women have never developed beyond those strong stereotypes and are somehow offended by my overt behaviour not to conform. I find it both amusing and very tedious when all I want is to be left alone. They also cannot understand why I would live alone and actually enjoy my freedom. Being misunderstood is all about them and their very narrow view of what a woman should be. I love being Barbara from The Good Life (is that right?)
All that being said, I do love the plastic look with the cosmetic big lips, tiny nose etc, a charicature of the ideal beauty balance. I will always grow old gracefully, staying out the sun, eating healthy, trying to exercise, and not getting anything tweaked. There’s always a risk with any surgery. Women who have children really ought to know better.
Glad you liked the film. I’ll see it on tv or Prime. Just been getting ready and putting off going into the garden because Mr T is here and I’m avoiding any contact with him. If the council had put up a new fence at the back of mine there would be no problem with him peering into my garden. Had to rig up a net curtain to stop being watched when I’m doing dishes. Someone is clearly doing that because there was an angry shout when it went up! I’m so astounded at the attitudes here. They, whoever they are, feel they are entitled to watch me and yet they wouldn’t be wanting me watching them. My ‘friend’ made a comment about how I’m already fighting with the creep (he doesn’t believe any of what has happened) and that I should be mates with MR T and not fight with him, after reporting him about the grass. He is clearly intimidated by the aggression and is quite happy for him to churn up all the grass in front of his house, yet was always fighting with the people at the back of our gardens who used the side bit of grass to park next to their house. There seems to be an element of ‘top dog’ and I will not play along. These are grown people. It would be amusing if it wasn’t so pathetic. Really is an eye opener.
Creep is out so I will make a start on fixing the bit of trellis I had left over to use for a climber. Been looking at army camouflage netting to add to the trellis tops.
Will pop again later with my garden pics.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine,
Don’t do yourself down we are all beautiful in God’s eyes and you having breast surgery still makes you a beautiful person.
Yes, I too was brought up in very much world of defined roles for men and women.
I wanted to go to college to learn floristry, but my dad wouldn’t let me go. His words a waste of time, you will only get married and have babies. I left school on the Friday and started work on the Monday at Unilever, my dad knew someone that worked there that got me the job. My first job was photocopying, sorting the post and putting records on microfiche and if course making the tea.
I don’t regret it in a way, that’s where I met Doug, he drove the coach that took me to work, and I am proud of both our children and all our grandchildren, if I could go back in time I wouldn’t have my life any other way. Perhaps only slight adjustment would to have Doug longer with me so we could spent retirement together. 
Haven’t been to church this morning, it’s a circuit service at a different village and I couldn’t get there, plus they don’t zoom their services. I would normally go to my daughter’s church instead, but they are having a special service and faith lunch afterwards. Their vicar is retiring and the curate moving onto to having his own parish. So I didn’t want to gatecrash their day.
On the plus side I’ve had a very productive morning. Very much aware after my knee replacement, I wouldn’t be able to hoover for a couple of weeks let alone garden. So this morning I have pruned my rambling roses back, done weeding and digging over the ground. Cut my lawn and moved the bird feeders into my cherry tree. Trying to encourage the small birds rather than the jackdaws and pigeons. Took my old feeder down and get one of my children to take it to the tip the next time they go.
Now I’m just having a coffee in the garden before my next job. Reorganising my kitchen, so I can get my dinning table in there. So I won’t have to carry food or rely on someone to do it for me after my op.
Clouds are just coming over now, time to shut the shed and go in.
Speak to you later
Love and hugs
Debbie xx
Hi Debbie,
I do believe our lives are pre destined, mapped out and we have some choice in how we get there. I wish your Doug was still with you to enjoy your retirement. You must feel quite cheated to have planned ahead and for it to not be yours together. I’ve been quite upset about mam again. It feels like I’m biding my time until I am with her again, looking after Porsch in her old age until she joins mam. Really cannot imagine getting through the day without her as she is my routine. I’ll still have the girls (fish) but life will become even more empty than it is now. Will be starting my textiles again when the weather stops me getting into the garden, like rain forecast for the next week. I’ll bring a batch down from the loft and see if I can ease myself back into it, though I never do anything easily!
You have been working hard on your garden. Looks great! Taking pics makes me realise just how much work I have. It’s raining now so I can’t get out there and apart from cobbling a trellis together from pieces yesterday I didn’t get anything done. Seem to be exhausted again, no energy and sleeping a lot during the day. Porsch has me awake from 4 onwards looking for food. So I never get a proper sleep now.
So here’s some pics from yester.
View through the canopy where we sit and watch the pigeons and doves on the arches over the lawn:
Porsch sleeps much of the time but enjoys being out. It’s the first thing she wants to do after breakfast. Here she is:
Although the garden is very ‘full’ and needs cutting back I have made a start with lifting the new growth (very heavy and tangled) on the mid section (need to secure the arches in place)
and cutting back the palms underneath (using as displays for the table).
Still lots to do!
The birds are very happy feeding on the lawn
and I’ve started using the bench again now that the patio is cemented and can be easily cleaned.
The climbing rose hanging over the large pool always drops and I’m going to cut it back hard to encourage new growth in the Autumn
though it is full of berries now for the birds.
I noticed I have new growth on the irises and water lillies now
and the bamboo is starting to hide the Diana fountain, creating mystery.
The ‘new’ section (old shed area) has taken well
but my dahlias and roses aren’t growing in their pots, even though there is plenty of light. The honey bush is doing great (some died)
and I was chuffed to see my red hot pokers (even if they have no flowers!)
My peach tree and strawberries have no fruit but I was delighted to see blackberries starting to fruit along with the abundance of the logan berry (used in my smoothies, though quite bitter).
The nasturtians have grown in the bathtub, but no flowers so quite disappointing.
I have a flower on the box rose in the very shady area at the top pond
and a clump of cyclamen.
So many plants have died and I do not understand why when some thrive in the same conditions.
My massive weed has a huge head of yellow flowers
and I have one lilly left to brighten that border.
The orange flames are starting to arrive.
I have so little colour in the garden that anything is to be celebrated. I do have new rose buds too.
I’ve been looking at the Autumn catalogue and planning my patio tubs with winter pansies as they do so well and will, climbers (jasmine, honeysuckle and clematis (to climb up the pergola legs and onto the ‘roof’ to provide shade and privacy). I noticed the climbing rose has made it’s way to the kitchen door
and the honeysuckle (to the right) is scrambling across to join it and is now starting to berry,
along with the ‘curry’ bush (love the lime green).
The pram is beginning to look quite Autumnal in colour
even though I still have lobelia
and Spring pansies flowering.
My begonias are starting to flower and always remind me of mam because she had them on the kitchen wall next to the window.
Forgot to post my daisies too. They always remind me of being little and make me smile when I see them.
Mam always liked a rambling garden. She’d be chuffed with what I’ve created. Wish she could see it. I get very disheartened when I see the things that don’t grow. Will just have to replicate the things that do well and admit that my garden is more woodland now with all the lovely trees, covering the sky in lace,
magnificent structures
providing natural windows of light.
Lots of love xxx
.
Will pop in tomorrow more but just wanted to say hi to everyone and hope you all are keeping well and will check in individually with peeps xx
Hi Christine
I’m just looking through some of the posts and have seen your “Alice in Wonderland Garden” photos. I just can’t believe all that greenery comes from one garden and the pathway appears to go on forever. I bet there’s a few of your neighbours that are quite envious of your calm oasis in the madness of everything else that goes on in your road. I’m trying to think of the proper name for those orange “African Flames” I can see you have. We have a lot of those as well and they are such a vibrant feature in a garden. Their proper name eludes me right now, as most things memory related seems to at the moment.
You’ve done your Mam proud Christine doing all that because even though it’s been back-breaking stuff I think the hardest thing is often the motivation and self& discipline to start something and see it through. Did I previously mention I thought the camouflage sounds a good idea for the trellis? It’s so light to handle and work with.
Porsche looks content in her photo if not also a little unamused. She’s doing well isn’t she. I can imagine she also enjoys a mooch around in the plants as well,
I hope you are feeling well and ok this morning. I know you said you’d felt a bit down and tired again. Sometimes all we can do is focus on having good and not so good “hours” instead of “day’s”. Do you have anything nice planned today? I’ve heard the heatwave is due back shortly so I hope you can get finished what you need to in the garden and are able to get some relaxing done and sit and admire what you’ve created.
Well it’s just gone 6am so I’ll see if I can wee Zoe and see what “delight’s” today has in store. I’ll pop in later. xx
Much love to you both xx