Hi Neil,
Censor was very hyped up in the run up to it being on tv. I was very disappointed. Really like the actress though. Best bit was when she lost the plot and axed the poor bloke in the film she was starring in at the end, and the bit with her parents / sister with her version and their horror / reality. Blaming video nasties for turning peeps into murderers is silly. They would be triggered anyway. All fun entertainment in my view, the more graphic the better. But there were some real silly ones too.
The actress in The Shining had a mental breakdown after that film. Donāt think she recovered from it.
Having a day catching up on emails and Iām hoping I get my new electric extension in time to set it up today so I can have the garden fence lights on and the new Doe and fawn. Will be magical and a real surprise for when the kids come over tomorrow. I need a rest after all the swimming Iāve been doing this week. Feeling back to normal again, whatever that is. It feels like grief is still lurking in the background, always will be, but not bothering me at the mo. Until it decides to and Iāll be at itās mercy again. So debilitating. Did you see the email about the exhibition for grief with all the triggers being displayed. It really annoys me the way I have been treated by my dad, to not show emotion or even mention mams name just after. I would never tell anyone how to feel or think.
How are you today? It will be good for you to focus on getting a ballet and the choir sorted out for next week. Still canāt believe itās nearly 2 years for mam (yesterday was 48 weeks of her second year). I want to update her with my pics of Porschaās galleries and the Halloween dresses but Iām putting off going on the memorial site because it upsets me so much. Seeing her smiling at me just breaks my heart. I will do it. But Iāll have to prepare myself for the upset.
Let us know what you decide on with your ballet. Such a beautiful thing to do.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina,
Oh babe I hope you get the connection fixed so you can be with us. I hate technology. Great when it works and everything is fine. But when it goes wrong itās bloody annoying. I was telling my niece about living in a world before computers and phones. Life was so much slower, less demanding, less stressful. Mental health conditions have increased along with the demands of modern life. Iād hate to be a kid now with social media and the Instagram look / cosmetic enhancers etc. The pressure on young people to be perfect must be horrendous.
I totes agree with you about having a man at home gets things done. It is stressful sorting it out but you will get there and go back to things running smoothly again. I was with Talk Talk years ago and I only got out of my contract because my home phone went off and I didnāt have a working mobile for some reason and so they couldnāt fix the problem and ended my contract. Iāve always used Plusnet and been very happy with them for line rental, broadband and mobile. Some great offers around so if you are still in the 14 day cooling off period it is worth checking them out.
Hereās some more pics from my walk yester with the delightful Buzz. He really is a joy.
Here is where I used to sunbathe,
hidden away in the secret garden bit.
Such a wonderful park, very old with lots of bits to explore.
Trees are magnificent. They remind me of abstract woman, inspiration for my Womanhood Collection.
I used to play camps in this one with the children when they were little.
Look at the twisty arms on this one.
There is a winding stream running at the bottom of the hills, making a good natural drinking and cooling down bit for Buzz (my niece less thrilled when heās sitting on her knee going home). Fab inspiration for my pond!
Creates a thriving community for wildlife, including the massive rat I spotted, the size of a squirrel without the tail!
The fallen trees make beautiful natural sculptures.
This one looks like it is sleeping, face down.
This massive trunk makes a great seat.
Love these roots. Reminds me of giant toes, like the trees in the film with David Bowie where everything comes alive.
I love how Nature will always consume the man made structures we impose upon her (ivy climbing up the metal railings).
We had such a good day. Pleased I wasnāt devoured by the swarm!
My next trip out will be to the woods so Iāll have lots more pics.
I do like the idea of having a little dog like Buzz to take out on walks. Something to ponder over.
Just sitting watching the birds and squirrels faffing about. Iād love to live in the woods, be surrounded by trees and a natural habitat for wildlife. Oh to dream!
Feeling quite exhausted again so Iāll go for now. Hope you can see the pics on your screen. Chow for now
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine,
I have not been well the last few weeks and did not feel like posting, but I am still reading. My last cat Tammy was not well for some time. It started with an injury that took a long time the heal. After that she would not eat. So, I bought cooked chicken from Tesco, and now, she can not get enough. She also has gained some weight now. She is the last one of 4 cat . My brotherās cat Tommy died December 2021. Jack died in June last year and the mother cat Fluffy died in March this year. ]
I did stop taking antidepressants but I am taking them again. They are a different brand and the side effects are mild, but not as good as the other ones. I guess I have up the dosage, I only started with half a tablet.
I switched from Talk Talk to Fibre 2 on BT. I thought that broadband and digital phone would be difficult to set up, but it wasnāt. I just connected the new router and plugged in my old phone from the year 2000 (BT Easicom 1000).
All I did was plug in the old phone in the back of the new router. - First I thought there was a problem because the phone behaved strangely but it was OK. It looked as if it had updated the software. I have also connected a set of 3 DECT phones, I just had to use a double connector.
I will get myself a set of digital DECT phones soon, I just have to pair them with the router. BT has a video and it is easy.
- Moving house: The big move is still to come and I am not looking forward to it. I just do not know where to put it all. I will ask the new owner of my bungalow if he wants some of my furniture. My brothers house is already overflowing. The house looks like a rubbish dump at the moment. Just bits here and there. I still have to move the bulk before the 22md of November.
Yes, I read all the āCREATING A SHRINE FOR MY MAMā posts. - Good you are back now. I missed you.
I am still feeding the dogs in the park (not far to go, the park starts at the end of my brotherās garden) but I have not been there yesterday. Just did not feel like it.
I am going on a bit with the new VOIP (digital phone) system but I thought it might be of interest, we will all get it soon. A friend in London will get full fibre next month and has to switch to the new the phone system. - I too would like full fibre (also called fibre to the premises) but I have to wait.
(Openreach wants to finish the full fibre installation by the end of December 2025.)
I hope you will enjoy Halloween.
Nick
Hi Alison,
Oh babe, thank you! I really enjoyed creating the dresses. Very simple to do with a double layer ādressā with a hole at the centre for the hanger to slot through and ties to bind it all together. Really impressed with the ribbon ties making āarmsā in the photos. Shame itās raining on and off. I had to take the dresses in but will create the scene before I collect them. There were lots of gourds to choose from and I did spend quite a bit with the sweets (will have to get more as I couldnāt resist - no willpower!) and big marshmallows. Got the toasting sticks in the homeware aisle. Will go swimming and collect a chippy supper on the way back so we have something hot to eat (I canāt cook and donāt think theyād be impressed with my veg soup!) before we get out into the garden for toasting the marshmallows and carving the pumpkin. I added a cucumber wand and an empty bottle of perfume as a magic potion. My nephew is 10 so heāll appreciate the magic element to it.
I agree itās such a shame that we canāt get together in real life. To have you all come round and join the party would make it an actual party! As soon as you joined us you were naturally part of the group. I love how comfortable I feel with you all.
Iām sure it is the creep with the drone, spying because he canāt see through the fence or plastic wall. Heās started sitting in his van now. Not going anywhere. And standing at his door just so he is near me when I go to my bin. What does he get from doing that? I really do think it is an obsession / mental illness. There is no interaction from me other than me being ready to defend myself / scream at him for being such a weirdo and to leave me alone. Iāll be looking for the drone and get my niece ready with her phone for evidence.
The sun is making the garden sparkle after the rain. It will be a mud bath when we are out there up the garden. I wish mam could see what Iām doing. I wonder if sheāll be watching over us. I do everything now for her. She naturally encouraged me to be creative, be driven. Iāve always been very competitive but now I just do it for her. Oh to go back and relish the normal we used to take for granted. I was always so bored with ānormalā, always looking for excitement. Everything I thought I wanted means nothing to me now. But I do love my garden birds. Itās like having wild pets. Costs a fortune in feeding them but the joy I get is worth it.
Your mam sounds like fun! Loving life and making the most of it. I agree with you about not being a kid person. I always laugh at myself when the Fairy advert comes on and says to ākeep away from childrenā and I reply, āI DO!ā
Hope you are getting on with your jobs. Iām really exhausted now. Hoped to get the 4 plug extension delivered so I could set it up in place of the 1 plug for the new deer set (thrilled with it!) but it hasnāt arrived yet. I love being extra busy but Iāve conked out a bit now. Will have a look at your private message. Hoping you are joining us with the cards / pressies for xmas. Just little tokens but means everything.
Iāll be back later with pics of my deer lights on the lawn.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Nick,
Itās so lovely to see you again and to know you are reading posts is great, even if you donāt write at the mo. I think upping your dose to a full tablet could help but check with your GP first. I know how absolutely hopeless I feel when the grief hits me, as it does in waves. Iāll keep battling it head on as I have been doing. Itās a choice I make to not take medication because I have tried in the past and it really didnāt help me, having had depression after the first breast cancer (because I felt so deformed, even though I still had the full breast because just the lump had been removed). I suppose Iāve learned to deal with stress / loss quite a bit in my life. But losing mam is absolutely the worst thing ever. I still want to join her every day.
Not going to the park, and not doing anything on some days is ok. Iāve found that really hard, to allow myself to do nothing when I need to. And to try to enjoy it when I do fun stuff. I try to be objective now about the good things I have in my life (my therapy, swimming, seeing my niece / nephew / nurturing my garden and bird community, being creative, my textiles), just so I can appreciate it all on some level because joy isnāt always accessible to me now. I hope when you do move into your brothers house you will learn, in time, to make it your home.
Were you not going to donate your furniture to the hospice? And how are you getting on with all those computers and stereo speakers? Do you have your friend to help you again? Having a trusted person to make clear decisions without any emotional ties would be a great way to sift through everything you still have to do. You must feel very overwhelmed with this move. Being done before xmas is a great time to draw a line under everything, to make a new start. Could get you motivated again. But getting out to the park is good for your well being. I really enjoyed being out with my camera. Sharing the pics here keeps me going. Makes me want to do it again. And get my bike sorted. The chain is very rusty from being in the garden but the teeth that it winds onto is also rusted. Will see if the bike shop can do anything with it. But if not Iāll get a BMX from gumtree / Facebook Marketplace. My sis up north got a bargain for Ā£25. Sounds like it might have been nicked!
All that info with the phone sounds complicated! All I want is to pick it up and be able to dial. My therapist thinks of technology / computers etc as puzzles to be worked out. I just go into a fury if it stops working. I much prefer pen and paper. If it works, great. If not I am furious!
My birds have been keeping me amused, watching for the back window. The starlings have been chasing the pigeons away. They want all the good treats. They love a peanut butter flutter! Nobody else gets a look in. Havenāt seen my little robins today, but lots of blue tits and sparrows. The magpies are hopping around, such beautiful birds. Did you see my pic of the green parrots at the park eating rosehips in the trees? Can you spot them?
My dad kept racing pigeons when he was young. Had a walk in coup for them. I think it was common practice up north then.
Iāll be adding my Doe and baby later when it gets dark so look out for more pics. Itās like theyāve wandered into the garden for a rest and decided to stay. I wonder what the foxes will make of them.
See you later hun
Lots of love xxx
Nick, this is for you, continuing my last post!
When you do move in you could think about being a foster mam for cats, like me. You would have whatever support you needed from the team for trips to the vet etc and they supply everything (food. litter. toys etc). You have lost so many babies. Iām glad the chicken is working! Losing Porsch has left me feeling very lost. I loved her as if she was my child. But to offer love again to those in need will bring a sense of being needed again and will create a structure to my day which I miss. Not looking forward to the litter tray! Never a job I liked but necessary. You could get a little dog to accompany you on your walks around the park. Iām thinking of doing that myself.
Iām having a very lazy day today. Not my usual full of busy. Think itās catching up with me. So lovely out there now. But I think Iāll have a snooze.
See you later hun
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine,
I love the photos of your Halloween garden experience - they are just brilliant. You must take some more with everything lit up. I love your doe & fawn set. Would love them in my garden. Your nephew will love it & all the work you have put into it. Magical for him. & a chippy tea & marshmallows - treats.
I would not wait for an invite to your party - I would just turn up with treats not tricks. 
Do you really think the creep would be the one using the drone? What the hell does he get out of it. He must have some sort of mental illness. But that is no help for you. Hope he does not spoil your Halloween party. No one would want to watch me with a drone, I am so boring.
I am sure your mam can see what you are doing. I am sure they are watching over us & still loving us. I have to believe that they are there in some form watching, caring for us & waiting for us to join them. Maybe I am stupid thinking that, but it is how I get through this cruel life.
The photos from your walk in the park are lovely. Looks a great place to go for a walk. You have inspired me to take my digital camera out with me when I go for a walk around here. Phone is ok, but cannot load them onto my laptop.
Bit of a boring day for me. The fog didnāt lift until after lunch time. Spent ages sat in a traffic jam, due to never ending roadworks, going to Tesco for fuel & car wash. Came home & did some pruning, got soaked due to the trees & bushes been wet through. Filled my garden bin, but if it is dry tomorrow I might try & get some more in to it. Had a snooze this afternoon. Slept like a log in Spain & didnāt wake up until 6.30-7am, come back home & my sleep is dreadful again up at 4.30-5am.
Love my soupmaker, not great at looking after myself with the 5 fruit/veg nowadays - so an easy way to eat them. I put cheese & meat in as I am cooking it. I like smooth soups. I put it on every Monday lunchtime & have soup for every lunch with a sandwich. I also take my mum a mug full. Bought some parsnips today at Tesco, so parsnip soup for me next week. Veg has really gone up at Tesco, not been for a few weeks & could not believe the price hikes. Shocking really. The lemonade I buy to mix with my brandy had gone up 9p a bottle!!!
No sun in York today, dull & fog back again now.
My mum is fun, more fun than me. She has got 20 years on me, but also got more go in her than me. The kids love her & she loves kids. Shame I let her down in that respect. Your comment about the Fairy ad made me laugh. I always shout at the telly - I always keep away from kids. Just never had that gene. I can remember years ago people saying to me āyou would love them if you had themā - too big a gamble & donāt think I would have. Hearing how kids treat their parents nowadays not sure it is a gamble worth taking. My sister had a kid & he seemed to be an inconvenience to her. He is now a total arsā¦e. Never rings my mum, his only gran - which really pā¦s me off. Saw him last year at my mumās 80th birthday & all he did was talk about himself & play with his phone. Families you cannot chose, just tolerate them after a fashion.
Will join in with the cards/pressies for Christmas.
& looking forward to seeing the deer/fawn light on your lawn.
Going to cook some tea now. Homemade Tesco Kentucky tea - yum.
Lots of love, Alison xx
Hi Christine,
Meant to send this link to you - outside the hotel we stay in - lovely to watch.
meteo365.es - Webcam Nerja - BalcĆ³n de Europa
xx
Hi Christine,
You wrote āWere you not going to donate your furniture to the hospice?ā You have a good memory. Definitely much better than mine.
I did try to give the furniture to the St Helena Hospice charity shop but they would not take it because the furniture did not have the safety tags any more. I can remember taking off the tags shortly I bought the sofas and chair because the tags where showing. One old computer, a laptop, 2 computer desks, a small table and a chair in the second bedroom now. I have to get a company to take the TV, Hi Fi including speakers over to my brotherās house. I will try to get the items in my bedroom over to the house earlier with the help of a friend. I gave the dining room furniture to my neighbour, no space at my brotherās house. - I did not see the bird in you photo at first. Take care. - Nick
Hi Christine and everyone
Screen is still black and words are still grey when I type them so I can do short replies but my old-age eyes wonāt focus very well after a few minutes but I couldnāt not pop on and wish you well for your little gathering today. I do hope your weather is cooperative.
He decided to go out and buy an electric guitar last night. He has never had one, canāt play a single note so this weekend will be fun!
You made me laugh about the BMXās! My brother would build them and would be forever changing wheels and frames and handlebars etc. Then theyād all go out in a gang and youād never see them all day! What a simple and carefree life that was. Some of those BMX bikes can be worth a lot of money now so pity he didnāt save any.
Like Alison said the Drone situation is a bit off-putting. I have heard one or two around here. Its getting to something sinister these days isnāt it when you canāt be out with an easy mind on your own property. Iām all for technology in medical issues but itās turning out to be quite malicious in some cases. Donāt get me started on AI systems !!
Love your photos Christine and that perfume bottle is something else completely! As you know Iām always one to spot the sparklies and shinies lol.
Had both Covid and Flu jab yesterday. Was ok when I was cutting down the road bush in the garden afterwards but feel a bit unwell right now.
Anyway have fun and Iāll pop back later.
Much love xx
Hi Nick
Yes the phone turned out to be simple to connect in the end. They had covered the back phone port up with a sticker that said do not remove til instructed so it kind of threw me a bit. I thought Iād have to make and receive calls through the App but I donāt! Im to old for technology!!
The move is sounding so difficult. Bit too long to go thankfully.
Warm wishes and take it easy.
Hi alison
Your Mum sounds like an older fun-loving best friend doesnāt she, how lovely.
Yeah I quite agree about Children. You canāt āhalf-wantā one can you. I had a dollās pram as a little girl but thatās as far as my maternal instincts went!! Its amazing though how much stigma is attached to not having children.
Did you say it was today your Halloween walk? Have a nice time. Is your mum doing it as well.
Well done for keeping the Fuschiaās going as well. Cuttings can be so hit and miss canāt they.
Iāll have to sign off now the letters on the black background are merging together as the text is coming up dark grey.
Have fun and much love xx
Hi Alison,
My lazy / restful day yesterday didnāt last when I received my new electric box and extension. I was straight out there setting it up, drilling another hole through the door surround
so I could set up two boxes,
one for 4 fence lights and the other for the 2 deer and 1 fence light. Itās a right fiddle having to plug in / out the pond pump because I need that during the day but not when I have the lights on.
Set up the spare box with another extension light for the pond lights so they can be on as well (didnāt have enough before) but I need to drill the window at the sitting room because the cable is just out of the window at the mo (might not have time this morn).
Could hear the nosy buggars watching me in the dark the whole time I was out there, about me being anti social (why would I want to be mates with people who are doing that to me, knowing I have panic attacks?), being an artist, that Iāve set up all the lights myself and how clever I am! Why am I such an oddity because I am a woman capable of doing this? My dad taught me how to wire a plug. I know everyone housed here has high need in a range of things but they are so intrusive with their obsessive interest in all I do. I just have to carry on ignoring them, getting more angry the more I hear the comments. The drone made an appearance, but not for long and I couldnāt see it. Just heard the whirring. If it comes down in my garden I will smash it up. Thatāll teach them. I do think it is the creep because he cannot watch me now through the fence and has to find another way. Itās the most bizarre situation I have ever endured.
But anyway, delighted with my mother and child:
Relieved to still see them there this morn as there was much chat about how much I must have paid (yes, they were quite a bit and if you want Iāll give you the link to the company for their range of beautiful garden animals/ lights). It was a treat to extending my xmas theme, creating a stage set in the garden which I will enjoy all winter. Mam would have loved what Iām doing. When I got in and sat down I burst out crying, seeing her gasping her last breath in front of me. I donāt know why Iām doing all this stuff when all that matters to me is being with her. And if Porsch was here she would have been with me, watching everything I was doing. I thought Iād picked myself up again but itās always there, waiting for me to feel exhausted again.
After doing the boxes I collected my chunky candles from the gutter (to block the rat from travelling from the creepās loft to me), cut the tops off and cleaned up mams garden lanterns (still need doing properly but theyāll do for the party).
They will be carried up the path to the burners for toasting the marshmallows (still have 2 bags left after munching my way through 1 but have to get more sweets today).
The table is lit with assorted glass and metalware, using Tinaās citronella candles from the summer. It will be like you are all there with me. I hope my new batch of tea lights arrives in time today.
Old solar lights are adorned with candles too, lighting the way up the path, grabbing a lantern as you go.
Glad I got my path finished, and all my jobs in the garden or I couldnāt have done this. View down the garden to the party patio.
The burners await us
the kindling is ready.
Just hope it lights and there are no accidents! I can imagine my nephew being covered in hot gunk. Hope we have time to carve the pumpkin. And Iām planning on funny faces for all the gourds. I have my batteries on charge and hope to get picks of the party. Havenāt even thought about what to wear. That was always my big thing but now itās just an afterthought. I can see why mam was always so frazzled with doing everything. I wish Iād done more to help her. I was always the one who lay the table, ferried stuff about, made the sarnies etc. I do hope she is watching over us. I just want her to reach out to me so I can feel her near me. I want to be āhauntedā. That would be such a comfort.
Iām pleased you are getting your camera out and will share pics of whatever you are doing. I find it inspires me to do more, to keep going. To share with you all makes the experience of doing, whether it is jobs in the garden or out on a walk, so much āmoreā than the thing itself. Iāve posted some really boring stuff! But the collection makes each thing important, part of the story. Makes me feel more present than if I was just getting on with it to get it done. Creating folders of things you can look back on, and show your mam, marks time. You can see your achievements through grief. I find it helps me to just not give up. Some days it means nothing at all. But on others it serves to validate that I am still being me. Iām a very visual person, intrigued by the detail of how things work and look. So this is a tool I use and sharing is the key.
You say about a day being āboringā but I relish those jobs. It fills up the day. Imagine just sitting with nothing to do. Your day sounds very full indeed! Not being able to sleep is dreadful. I found taking Zopiclone helped me get back into a routine again after virtually not sleeping at all. It didnāt matter how exhausted I was physically. I needed the higher dose for it to have any impact. Grief makes us āwiredā, never able to relax. Iām in a constant state of being hyperactive and getting loads done, to being totally physically exhausted and having to sleep to ābankā energy until Iām up and about again. Sleeping on hols would have been such a relief to you. You were removed from your life, the pain, the loss. And being back home just intensifies it again. Iām amazed any of us adjust to this new life. But we do. Itās in our dna to keep going.
I wish Iād been making my soups when mam was here. She would have been so relieved that I was actually eating veg as I hated it before. She would always cook extra meals to give to me, like Iād never grown up or just left home. Relish the time you have with your lovely mam. The pain of her leaving is indescribable.
Iāve just got a postcard from Debbie on her hols and my excitement and joy switches to absolute despair because itās not from mam and all the things she is doing reminds me of being little on our seaside holidays around the coast. Itās tearing me apart. The wave of emotion is so intense. Balling my eyes out until it subsides because I know that thereās nothing I can do to change the situation. My one wish would be for my mam to live forever, a healthy and happy life, surrounded by love. I would be happy enough just to watch her from above, take the place where she is at now. I hope she is with her parents. Her wish was for her ashes to be scattered in their grave, because she wanted to be with them. Dad still hasnāt let her go. Nearly 2 years (end Nov - Iāll have to check the date in my diary but I donāt want to look, donāt want to face it, the reality).
Chatting about soups reminds me of all the lovely things mam made. My fave was stilton and broccoli with cream, blended until it was a smooth paste. Iām also remembering her spag bol but with cheese sauce and fish. She was a wonderful cook. I find food very traumatic. Just thinking about it makes me anxious. Thatās why the soup maker is something I can do, because itās like a kettle. Both my sisters are good cooks. My thoughts always come back to wishing I wasnāt me, that I should be more like them (as my dad was always telling me). Before I start getting upset again, I found swapping to Aldi a lot cheaper. Weekends and late evenings arenāt great for being told you canāt have what you want and there are no substitutes (very annoying when Iām waiting for treats!) so ordering a couple of the same bits guarantees you will get something close to what you want! Iād rather make do with that than actually doing a shop in the supermarket. I can pop in with my niece for bits after a swim, or on the way home, like the Halloween gourds, but canāt plan to do it because I would just go into a melt down. Finding an easier path is working, through online shopping and doing fun things when Iām outside. Very boring when Iām swimming on my own though. But I still do it.
My niece announced very late in a text last night that she had an appointment at 2 this afternoon. We were planning on swimming and then collecting hot food on the way back but Iāve said to leave the swimming now. My first thought was to just cancel the party. But by the time I collect them, stop at the chippy, get more sweets (wondering if that is really necessary) and get back here, eat in the house, turn on the lights outside, it should be getting in dark for the party starting. Just checked the forecast and itās going to bbq chucking it down from 4! So looks like the party is off after all. OMG! Itās beautiful out there at the mo.
Will let you know how it goes / if it goes at all. Furious!
Lots of love xxx
WOW! I can certainly see why peeps retire there. Idyllic. I used to love watching the Brits abroad where they sell up and make a go of it out there but they spent every waking hour working (pub / restaurants) that they never got to see the sun. You are certainly a lucky girl going back for Christmas. Have you tried therapy for your flying? Iāve learned to imagine the scene that I am afraid of, play in in my head. Itās like Iām actually there, feeling the fear but knowing I am safe. When it actually happens in real life the fear is diluted. It feels like Iām waiting for it to kick in but it doesnāt (not always) and the sense of achievement is immense. Nothing very huge, just going to a garden centre at xmas to see the wonderful displays. Itās so annoying that the trauma from 20 years ago is still stopping me doing normal things.
Just realised the time. My Buddha is still on his tea towel. I caught him at the peanut butter treats for the birds. Itās hilarious watching him clamber up the ladder to get on the bench. He knows itās naughty and isnāt allowed to do it at home. But I donāt care and love his visits. Such a beautiful boy.
Waiting for a text from my niece for me to leave. The neighbours are out in their gardens with the sun so it will be a quick dash to the car. Oh to have to live in my world.
Will be full on fun (hopefully) so Iāll post pics tomorrow
Lots of love xxx
Hi Nick,
I think a house clearance man with a van would be a great way to just get rid of the excess. I donāt know anyone who would keep tags, especially on furniture. It will be hard to let go but will be very freeing when you have the space to move about. If I was closer to you I would be round there packing everything into my car. Iāve helped with so many moves over the years. I love doing it. Itās like a jigsaw puzzle getting everything in. Try to imagine your new life, picture the things in it that you have chosen to keep. When the other stuff goes it will become a memory to visit. The spaces we create in our lives are harder than filling them up with things. And if they have served their purpose then their time with you is at and end and they will become cherished pieces in another life (hopefully). Itās so easy to see it when Iām not doing and itās not my stuff! You will get there. And everything you do now is preparing you for a new life.
Iāll really have to dash now. Picking the kids up for the Halloween party soon and Iām not even dressed. Got side tracked with my postings. Will post my party pics tomorrow as it will be a full on day / evening when we gat back. Hoping it doesnāt rain. It will really spoil it because Iāll have no candles and wonāt be able to do the marshmallows in the burners. Will play it by ear and hope for the best!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina,
A very quick thank you for your well wishes for this evening. I have to leave soon and Iām still not dressed! Rain forecast so it might not even happen. Such a shame. Hope the rain misses us. But Iāll post pics tomorrow if we go ahead. Might be a chippy supper in the house watching the lights outside. Will do it another day if that is the case.
You really need to complain about your new service for the connection. You must be feeling quite lost not being able to pop in for posts. I have been thinking of you, missing you being here. I found your tin of citronella candles when I was searching for bits so it will be like you are here with me!
Think your broās guitar is a mid life crisis thing and I feel for you having to put up with that! My boyfriend used to do mixing and had all the decs and equipment at home. I love music but did get a bit sick of all the noise all of the time.
I used to have a fab BMX and would zoom all over on it but when I became agoraphobic I stopped going out on it. Wish Iād kept it. The thing Iāve got now is from China (Amazon). It never folded down (the whole reason I bought it, to get it in the car) and I had to whack it with a hammer because it wasnāt fixing together properly. Didnāt want it but they wouldnāt collect it and so I knocked the price down to about Ā£60 and have been making do. My sister had a chopper in the seventies. Mine was a girly bike. Loved it.
That perfume bottle is a Katy Perry. Lovely. Might get her new one for xmas.
Havenāt had my flu jab yet and not getting the covid jab after all the things Iāve heard about it affecting the body long term. Not surprised you are feeling unwell! Should be resting. Says me who canāt keep still!
If the drone appears I will get my niece to take pics for evidence. Sick of being spied on. Assume itās the creep. He must think Iām blind and deaf!
Really must dash now. In such a rush. Posting is addictive when I have lots to say!
Lots of love and phone that man to come back and sort out your connection.
xxx
Hi Tina
Hope things are ok with you? Sounds like you will have a noisy weekend with the electric guitar. Are you not tempted to give it a go yourself? Iām not musical at all, always wanted to learn how to play the piano - but my house is not big enough to have one.
My mum is a total one off. Not many made like her nowadays.
I never, ever wanted children. Tried to get my tubes tied when I was 22 & kept asking over the years, but couldnāt. Hysterectomy sorted it out for good eventually. I was always quite vocal when I encountered any stigma about not wanting them. Some people just do not have that maternal gene.
Halloween walk is tomorrow afternoon. Too far for mum to walk. Think she might well want to go out for Sunday lunch somewhere, so good excuse for me to walk it off afterwards.
Fuchsias still going strong, hopefully they will be flourishing next year. Been out in the garden for a bit today, but it is so wet & everything is damp not much enjoyment in it. Noticed I have got some daffodil bulbs poking through, very early.
Hope you have a nice day Tina. Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine,
It looks amazing all lit up - really lovely & magical. Will you leave all the candle holders outside after this evening? The mother & child are fabulous. I might look for a set that have solar lights. Not great with electric & would have to pay someone to do it for me. The neighbours cannot get into your garden can they? Surely they would not take them. I lit my burner last night, put all my paper & cardboard in it, love watching it out of my patio doors. Hope the awful neighbours & the drone do not spoil your evening.
So sorry you got upset about your mam. She will be watching you working in your garden & admiring what you have done, she will be so proud of you & what you manage to achieve.
I am a good cook, just cannot be bothered nowadays just for myself. Had to buy a new slow cooker last week, mine was not cooking the veg enough. I am ok putting things in that & just leaving it to cook, just end up with too much food for 1 and not keen on the same thing for days on end - usually end up giving mum a portion or a male mate who lives on his own.
You should never wish you are not you, you are unique - as we all are. We are what we are, warts, foibles & all. And that is what makes life so diverse & interesting - wow I am philosophical today!! I donāt always think these things about myself though, depends what sort of a day I am having.
What a shame you cannot go for your swim today and that your niece has shortened the visit with her appointment. Sorry you are due rain at 4 today. Had it here all day again today, it is so wet in my garden I am sinking as I walk.
I am sat watching the horse racing. Freezing cold, when I have finished replying to you I am going to wrap myself up in a fleece blanket & look for an Oodie on line.
Glad you like the webcam, I have it on my laptop all the time - nip in & out to watch it. It is the view from our hotel - so lovely.
Have a fabulous time with your niece & nephew.
Lots of love xx
Hi Alsion,
The party isnāt happening. Was waiting for a text to leave that didnāt come and when I chased my niece about it she was with her boyfriend (day off she didnāt mention) so I donāt even believe she had an appointment. Itās so late now that is isnāt worth collecting them in Sat traffic (could take an hour each way) so we would get here to just eat chips in the house watching the rain and the lights. Everything Iāve planned needs a dry night. So Iāve rearranged for Fri after school. My nephew doesnāt even know itās not going ahead because she wonāt text my sis to tell him because sheās sitting in the park 2 mins from the house but wonāt leave now to go to tell him! Sheās being awkward because I said we donāt have time for swimming because of her appointment (if it was real). So Iām now close to tears and wondering why I even tried. I told her all the work that has gone into it. She seems to miss the point about the rain, saying they can still come over. I canāt even phone my sister to explain to my nephew and have to rely on my niece and hope she does it properly. I did look at the forecast and it was ok but has changed to heavy rain from 5. So disappointed.
Going to have a sleep. Think I need it.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine,
Oh Christine I am so sorry for you. What a huge disappointment for you after all your hard work & the enthusiasm you put into getting your garden just perfect. The younger generation are so wrapped up in their own lives and do not realise how hurtful they can be by changing plans to suit themselves. I really hope it all goes ahead for you on Friday evening.
Hope you feel a bit better after your sleep. 
Lots of love, Alison xx