I cremated my wife yesterday and although it went well and although I felt upset it is only the following day I suddenly felt the total loss and it is devestating .I loved my wife so much it is impossible to replace.I suppose time will be a great healer but at the moment it seems unreachable
Dave 10
3 Likes
Thinking of you, @Dave10. I’m glad it went well but it is such a big step on the path of grief. It’s completely understandable you’re feeling so devastated today. Thank you for reaching out - I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support.
Thanks Seenean for those very kind words .Grief is such a very complex issue and there seem to no solution which suits everybody.Such is life
1 Like
I feel your pain mate, cremating her is the final physical thing that you could do for your girl, I constantly think about if I have done the right thing for my love.
She told me that she wanted to be cremated but not what she wanted me to do with her ashes, she died suddenly so no further discussion was possible, in the end I buried her in the grave with her mother and sisters ashes.
I think it is the finality of it that hits us, you took care of her when you were together and now you have taken care of her in your final parting.
Best wishes.
1 Like
Hi @Dave10
Sorry to hear of your loss 
It sounds so cliche, but I believe it is time that helps. As during the grieving process you learn how to deal with your loss, in turn making it easier to deal with. The emptiness, loneliness and the great aching heart is truly hard to deal with. The horrible thoughts that fill your head and the anxiety that was never there before rears it’s ugly head.
It’ll be 6 weeks on Sunday that I lost my Andrew after 18 years together, it’ll also be his birthday which we are celebrating.
The only advice I have is that you must be kind to yourself, get out for walks, visit friends and family as too much time stuck with your thoughts is not a good place to be. The distraction really helps.
Keep reaching out on here, there is always someone to talk to and it really does help to talk to people, it’s kinda strange but comforting talking to strangers as you can be as honest as you like without their unhelpful advise or opinions. Everyone here totally gets it.
Sending love and hugs 
It will take time. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I’m 7 weeks in yesterday. Still struggling a bit. I received the ashes on Tuesday due to a delay in getting the urn.
1 Like
So sorry for your loss. Don’t even think of that time ahead yet; just get through each day the best that you can.
Thinking of you. There is so much to arrange leading up to a funeral and cremation it acts as a distraction . Once it is over you are left with your own thoughts and emotions. It is natural that you now feel overwhelmed. I am in the early stages of grief for my Mum and totally get how you feel now the rituals are over. I felt exactly the same and still do a few weeks later. You can’t love somebody and lose them without profound emotions. Like you I am hoping time will make it easier but I guess we will have to accept it takes time and try to accept the inevitable emotions in the meantime. Warm wishes.
1 Like
My partners cremation was Monday, I know exactly what you mean. Everyday I wake up in floods of tears with crazy thoughts and emotions, I’ve not spent an entire day alone yet because others distract me and keep me out of my own thoughts.
1 Like
Catrin1
Good advice one day at a time and sending courage.
I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. Nothing will ever be worse. And I know everything feels overwhelming at the moment. I remember the anxiety and the overwhelming sadness so well. And a sense of panic that nothing would ever be normal again. But now, six months later, it is. I still have my moments but mostly I am back to being myself and the awful early days feel like a dream; definitely another life. I believe that you can’t rush grief though. You have to go through it and be patient with yourself before you can come out the other side. Take all the help that’s offered and talk. No putting on a brave face and being in denial. And one day you will wake up and see a glimmer of hope for your future. When the pain isn’t so raw and you can have ‘normal’ thoughts again. What has happened is catastrophic and life changing. But a changed life can also be a good life. Six months on and mine is way way better than I ever dreamed possible when it happened. I had to dig deep at times but it was necessary. Alan will always be there in the shadows cheering me o and I was so happy when we were together but I can honestly say that I am very happy now too. I just want to give a little bit of hope to you that things won’t always be like they are now. Take care x
3 Likes
Thanks for that @Arvia . I, too, feel that I’m starting to get there slowly now. We simply have to get on with things, socialise, put ourselves out there and show everyone our best face no matter what we are like behind closed doors.
1 Like