Crikey - wasn't expecting that...

I haven’t been here in a while. Last few months spent in hand to hand combat with administration, with on-going conversations with administrators and accountants, lawyers, surveyors, agents, you get the picture. Spotted a helpful post on LinkedIn about walk and talk sessions for bereaved people on offer from a charity. I thought "I wonder if X hospice (where T died) offers that. So, I went onto the website and saw the building. Completely overwhelmed in panic and horror at the site of the place. Got off the website super fast. Guess I have some way to go yet with the trauma. My first thought was to come here and talk to you all about it. Thank you for being there for me. Anyway, I hope everyone on here is ok and making progress through the ocean that is grief. My little boat is chugging along, cutting through the waves as best it can. Sometimes the engine cuts out and I just drift along, taken wherever grief’s current determines. Then, mostly, I turn the engine over and it splutters and coughs, and fires up again. And on I go. Loads of love, everyone.


And love back to you.

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It’s lovely to hear from you, keep chugging along.
Love Debbie X

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Good to cross paths with you on this rough ocean Vancouver.
I felt exactly as you described on seeing the hospice when I watched “Ambulance” last night on BBC1.
It was an excellent programme with such caring people, but there was a part where a crew asked for urgent back up and it took me back to that morning in July two years ago when my Ian had his seizure out of the blue which turned out to be the beginning of the end. He died 7 months later and my life changed forever.
All these memories crash over us like a tidal wave when we’re doing something as simple as watching TV…
We’re drifting along with you.
Lots of love, Janey x


Hi Janey
I saw that programme advertised, I decided not to watch it.
Ambulances bring back such strong emotions as it was the last time I spoke to Doug when they took him to hospital.
I did used to watch this programme, and I’m forever thankful for the hard work, kindness, dedication and compassion that ambulance technicians and paramedics do. They saved him more than once in the past, but as you said it was the start of the end.
Memories can be triggered when you least expect them and hit you out if the blue.

Sending love
Debbie X


I’m still glad I watched it Debbie as the paramedic crews came over as being so caring and empathetic.

My darling had 13 emergency ambulances during his illness while he was coping with seizures, sepsis and pneumonia.

So many things will remind us of our loss when we least expect it… Our loss looms large in our lives and it always will.
Sending love to you too
Janey xx