Crying a lot again

Feeling very low again.remembering my dearest girl and want her back with me.which obviously know cannot happen.I still can’t believe she is gone.crying whilst writing this.wondering how my heart is still beating this pain is unbearable feel so isolated and alone.dreading next month and October.it will be a year since she left this earth…in October.I hear life all around me but I feel alien now like I am not in there there day.

Hi Annette. I’m so sorry that you are feeling so low. This pain is awful. I would love to see my dad again and wish he was back in my life. It was my nephew’s 18 birthday yesterday and things are just not the same. Looking at that empty chair. I’m not having a good day today. Wish I could find you an answer. Try and remember the good memories of your daughter. I feel your pain Annette I really do. Sending you hugs hugs. Take care xxx

Hi Annette,so sorry you are suffering so much,it just does not get any easier does it, ? life is just not the same without them and know one knows how we feel. My husband was having a realbad day today and he dosent show his feelings normaly so I told him to go and wash the car and try and get over it, he was busey doing the car,when I noticed a lovlely white feather along side of him,i knew it was from dawn as she would hate to see him so depressed.i know its all we have,of our lovely girls so I am thankfull for these little presents .take care maddie

I’m so sorry Annette to read of your distress. I lost my Husband in October, it was a day after my birthday on the 6th so the time frame is similar. I couldn’t add anything at all to what you have said as it’s a word-perfect summary of my thoughts and feelings. The one thing I can add is that the only similarity to my life before I lost my Husband and life afterwards is that I’m still breathing - and that’s all. It’s feels like it’s happening all over again and although to others 11 months is a long time, which it is, for me it’s like everything happened last week. It’s a bit like the blind leading the blind and I know of nothing positive to say but I really empathise and send my heartfelt and sincerest regards to you and hope the next month or so shows us a little kindness and compassion.

Hi Annette
I know exactly how you feel
My only son died in February, I knew that day that my life would change for ever, I miss him too much. I’ve thought about ending my life just in the hope that I see him again, but I’m still here!! I cry every single day and probably will for the rest of my life.
All I can say to you (this is what I’ve tried to do) is keep yourself busy and think of the good times.
Losing a child is different to losing a parent

Thank you all ever so much for all of you that replied so so grateful too you all.yesterday was just a awfully bad day for me.I didn’t stop crying on and off all day long.I can’t sleep very well either which does not help.I am so thankful that you all replied to me.l sometimes really wonder if I am going to make it?like so many others I feel suicidal tendency’s beckoning.this site I like to think keeps me from doing anything untoward.all my best to you all in this private misery we all have to bear.love Annette xxxx.

Thankyou Maddie for your reply.I really appreciate it.I know I will never recover from the loss of my girl.I would love to receive a symbol?ic sign from my dearest girl.I haven’t had any signs at all .call out to her to give me a sign.hope you are faring better.love annette.and hugs.xx

Thankyou Maddie for your reply.I really appreciate it.I know I will never recover from the loss of my girl.I would love to receive a symbol?ic sign from my dearest girl.I haven’t had any signs at all .call out to her to give me a sign.hope you are faring better.love annette.and hugs.xx

To Annie thanks for your rep?y very much appreciated.you are so right about losing a child is unbearable.I could not stop crying yesterday .I cry every day .but yesterday was really really emphatically bad.I have lost both my parents in this last decade but I would never have believed I would lose my darling girl.I lhave suicidal tendency’s also.I am so so sorry for you losing your son .its heart wrenching.sending you my heartfelt empathy.love Annette.

To Tina thanking you for your reply I really appreciate your reply. So sorry you have lost your husband.I bet you are dreading the arrival of October .I know I am.thinking of you and I .I hate the month of October anyway.I will tell you why .I lost my father in October 2009.then I lost my mum in October 2012.and now my only child in October .I wish you some comfort as well could cry right now for the both of us.hugs.Annette.CSS

Hi Annette

Only just seen your message posted yesterday. Was in my own little pool of misery, not feeling very well and didn’t do much at all. I am sorry you too had a rotten day. I have periods of feeling things are getting better then find I get knocked back again by the smallest thing. The lack of sleep really doesn’t help does it?

I had periods of not wanting to live after Mum passed away last year but have found that has gone now. I have an awful sister who made it her business to be foul to me (and Mum) when she was ill and has continued this campaign against me ever since. I will not give her the satisfaction of ruining my life in future and am in the process of going ‘no contact’ as it is called. My Mum I think suspected something of the problems I would encounter so I feel I must keep going for her.

I found the anticipation of the first anniversary of losing Mum was much worse than the actual day. It wasn’t easy but I got through by breaking the day down into sections and mentally telling myself well done as I got through each of them.

I do feel for you so much. We all know we will lose our parents one day but it really isn’t fair to lose a child. Your daughter sounds so lovely when you write about her so keep those memories alive.

Love
Mel
Xx

Annette and everyone else whose living with their loss
I can understand the horrible days when all you can do is cry. It is fast approaching the second anniversary of loosing our daughter to cancer and it’s beginning to fill me dread. This lead up is awful and it’s hard to find a way to cope. All I know is that we did get through it last year somehow, I just let it happen hour by hour and did what we’d planned. This second year has been just as difficult, it’s like reality has set in. I try to focus on beautiful memories and her successes in life, but I’m still overwhelmed with sadness. As you say, we’ll cry everyday, because we loved them and this is why it hurts so much. I was told by a medium to look out for a robin and a butterfly and unbelievably I often see these at significant times! It comforts me.
If it helps anyone, I’ve been reading a book " Grief Works" by Julia Samuel and have found it very useful.
X

Hello bir89, it feels me with sadness as you are approaching the second anniversary of your darling girl and you do not feel any better.we have got to get through the first one yet in December,and I am absolutely dreading it as it will bring everything back minute by minute, like your girl dawn gave us some wonderful memories and she was such great business woman she had so much to live for,and I feel so sad for her. anyway take care Maddie x

Hi Annette. Thanks for replying. I’ve just travelled to scatter my sons ashes but couldn’t do it, it don’t seem right. I know I have to at some point. Hope ur having a better day xx

Hi Maddie, yes you will be dreading the anniversary but you will get through it somehow. Each occasion we’ve had from family birthdays, graduation, Christenings to Christmas and Easter has brought significant panic. But time doesn’t stand still and these days are going to come. I plan a simple strategy to “cope” and just let the day “happen”. I dont know how we have got to this point sometimes. We have a small close family and a few close friends. spending time with them provides distraction for a while. We’re beginning to cope in this new “life” without her. I’ve found that we’ve got to pass these occasions to realise that she is no longer with us as difficult as it is. I’m thinking more of the good things these days and try to think how wonderful it was to have had her in our lives. What you say about Dawn having so much to live for, we are not only mourning our loss but mourning the future which we have lost.
Love to all x

Hello Everyone here, I have also been thinking of anniversaries, particularly, I think as the season changes. It reminds me of this time last year when Chris’s health really started to deteriorate, leading to his death in November. This time last year we were planning a trip to Snowdonia, Chris worked there and loved the mountains, he was so hoping to see them again, but we did n’t make it. This year I’m planning the same trip with my daughter, to scatter some of his ashes in the places he loved.
Bir, thinking of you as you approach the second anniversary of your daughter’s death, you’re so right about those days coming whether we want them or not.
Thank you also for the suggestion of ’ Grief Works ’ , I have got hold of a copy, and will read it.
With best Wishes to all here x

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