My beautiful grandad passed on the 16th of September last year very suddenly and traumatically. I’ve been tackling lots of horrible feelings as we all do when someone we love passes - but I’m struggling at work.
I keep having random outbursts of crying at work. Or just not being able to do any work at all. Just constantly thinking about him. Being reminded about him - of all the things I did wrong and I should have done. I feel like I’m drowning.
I went to my HR manager the other day and whilst she was kind and we had a lovely chat I feel like I’m just stuck. Work is slowly becoming this torturous place where time moves slowly and I’m just sad.
What do I do? I’m debating asking if I can take time off work using my holidays next week. But I’ve been reprimanded before because I need to at least have two weeks notice before I book a holiday in.
I just don’t know what to do save for just going off sick entirely. But I already did that when he first passed. I feel like I have no where to turn to and like I’m about to self destruct.
Thank you for reading. Does help to write some things out to be honest.
For context my grandad was and still is an incredibly important figure for me. He stepped up where my dad didn’t. I never showed how much I appreciated my grandad to be honest. And I wasn’t a very nice grandchild. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I’m sorry you are having such a hard time, I just want to say I’m sure your Grandad knows you loved him and miss him and he would want you to get help and take time off to get that help. I know it’s easier said than done but maybe you could book time off giving the appropriate notice to your employers and then at least you know that in 2 weeks time you have a few days or weeks to try and get a break or just spend time to yourself without the pressure of putting on a show in work.
Hi there, thanks for sharing this, i took time off when my daughter passed away, i was agency care worker, so i never got paid, i went back, i know exactly how you feel, i got a job as bank staff elsewhere, i told some of the staff, as id get upset some days, my boss never supported me, i walked out two weeks ago, as i couldn’t put up with toxic environment and resigned next day, you feel like no-one cares.
Hi there, yer i understand, the whole bereavement/grief thingy is a job in its self. Cant cope with all that work crap, we need to look after ourselves. Xx
I too have been struggling with the thoughts of work iam due to go back on monday, ive been so worried about going ,only 1 of the people i work with has been kind , nothing from management , i need to something as i cant sit here all on my own anymore, grief is such a hard emotion to deal with and no 2 people is the same , i keep putting posts on here for bits of advice and support which i dont really get any everyone has been so compassionate and have kind words that i need to get through each day , i feel for everyone loss
Thank you so much Jhanna for responding! I have done what you’ve said and I’ve just booked a few days off in two weeks and I’m going to try and push through until then. Hopefully I can reset and just have some time to breathe.
I just want him back and it’s hard to come to terms with. So I think this time is needed. Even after four months I think I’m still slightly in shock!
Thank you for taking time to read and respond. I hope you’re doing well!!
I’m sorry about the loss of your daughter, losing anyone is heart wrenching but a parent should never have to suffer losing their child.
I think people don’t realise how much work can affect you after experiencing shock and traumatic grief. Especially when the people at work create a toxic environment. You have enough on your plate to deal with without other people adding to the heavy weight. Leaving for your own sanity is the best thing to do.
I’m sorry about your loss Poppet, grief is an impossible struggle. It feels like there’s no end to it. A funeral brings all the memories and feelings of agony to the surface. Work can sometimes just make things ten times worse than they need to be when you already feel like you’re drowning.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this Lynn; Grief is the struggle that feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Never ending.
I know you said you’re going back Monday, but is there a possibility of going to the GP and seeing if you can get a sick note for another week. There is nothing worse than going back when you don’t feel ready.
It’s a big shame that management don’t seem to be reaching out. It should be a part of helping you to try and integrate back into work smoothly. Is there any management you possibly feel close enough reaching out to first?
Lynnec, Hi there, your not on your own
Im so glad i found this site, i never realised there were so many people like us, i am expecting a call from my Head Office/HR, as i had to fill in a Exit interview on line, i told them what happened, i dont think you can be fired for not going to work because of bereavement. Ill keep you posted.
Thankyou i was also glad to find this site even if its just write my feeling down , i was referred grief counselling but heard nothing from them , people on here i really helped me and i cant thank them enough
Hi, i was referred for counselling, but it took ages, and was too far away and in the evening. So i found some one local (5 min drive) i had to pay. Was good, but they just listen, at times it made me worse. He told me to do the things i enjoy, my job was not doing me any good. Be with people who care, stop blaming myself, i have the right of a life too.
Keep in touch xx