It’s almost 16 months since my husband died and I still sit alone in a pub to be out of the house - and the tears still come. I’m much more discreet at crying but it is still as painful now as it was the day he died.
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@MissingEsCanar
Do you have any family or friends you could talk to? Perhaps is there any groups in your area at all you could join? Grief catches us unaware at times. I’ve cried when out and about. My latest place Home Bargins. X
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it really bothers me,when the tears come for no reason when im out,but the answer isnt staying in and hiding,although i do feel that way sometimes,!
@manb
Yes you’re right. I ask myself when will it stop. I feel fed up with myself for feeling like this then guilty because I’m not. I’ve had a bad few days I feel like I’m swimming against a tide and getting nowhere at the moment. X
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yup,doggy paddle going round in circles,some days i reach the bank…but dont stay there for long, i too have had a few bad days,hence being on here more than usual. it helps,strangers yet friends x
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Thanks for your responses. The problem for me is not a lack of friends or family to talk to. I find I don’t want to. I prefer my own company. I’m not wallowing in self pity, I just feel better on my own. It’s weird the smallest little trigger and the tears follow!
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i dont want to be surrounded by people,dont like crowds,too much conversation,i enjoy the occasional trip put with the “girls” or my family,but always glad to get home and shutbthe door,it doesnt make me miserable being home alone,i like the peace,the ability too choose my company. i dont want visitors to stay tho’ home is sanctuary at the moment(family of course are welcome!)
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I think the answer to this is to join something, but this is more harder then it sounds. You probably very self conscious of how other people perceived you, I think we all are. I spent a lot of time at home recently it feels like a safe haven. I think distraction helps ie here or any internet. If your mind is distracted then you won’t be thinking about our loved ones we loss, not only that but keeps your mind preoccupied too.
I totally agree Keith68. Work eight hours a day is a great distraction and I never feel the need to cry.
Work is a distraction but I had to come off all work last June. Not down to the loss of my mum.
@To All
I’m debating whether I could cope with work at the moment. I’m a chef in Derbyshire. The other chefs are all understanding. What puts me off I know it might sound stupid but before my partner died I was taking him out for a drive round there and I haven’t been since. I’m worried I might break down and render myself patheticly useless as per! I know I need to be out round people it’s just before I was so full of confidence I just now feel so flat and truthfully scared. Any advice people please?xx
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Hi Tenpin, could you visit your work and speak to colleagues before you decide to return. Maybe you could go for a drive around the area and see how you feel.
I visited my work place a couple of times then thought it was time to go back after 11 weeks as i could feel myself sinking lower.
I am only doing part time at the moment but it is helping.
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Boy do I get it. Me, too.
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I have a hard time at the grocery store because we shopped together every week. Just a major trigger for me. Not sure changing stores would help.
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@Chezza1
Yes thank you . That does seem like a good idea. It’s awful that I seem to have lost alot of confidence. I just need to make that move. And maybe just a few hours at first. Xx
Last week I came back from Italy, I have been out there since my partner Blaise passed away over Christmas. I went back to our house for the first time today, I had been dreading it. I was advised to try and go in as I normally would, shout “honey I’m home”as I used to. I took a deep breath and went in, the first thing I saw was his old coat hanging on the hook and I broke down. I did manage to get my self together eventually, but the thought of sorting through his stuff is still too much if I’m honest.
After I stopped at the pub we used to go to, as soon as I walked in I was being asked what had happened, where had I been, how was Blaise. I didn’t know what to say, where do you even start? I can’t remember what I actually said, anyway I got my drink and sat at a table in the corner where I wasn’t being stared at. I could hear them talking about us though and I broke down again, I could not stop crying.
Am I always going to be like this now? I know it’s only been a couple of months, but I really can’t imagine doing anything we used to do together without falling apart. I have never been like this before, even after my dad died I don’t think I cried, now I can’t stop.
Take care everyone, xx
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Take your time, it’s not a race. You should know what you can cope with. I definitely wouldn’t force yourself back to work if you not ready. Might be a good idea to talk to your manager first about it. Remember baby steps to start with.
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@Keith68
Thank you you’re right. I think it’ll be best to speak to the boss first. Plus to also sort a few hours out first rather than jumping straight back in.
Thanks for the advice. Xx
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@JonnyBadger
Sweetie I think you’re very brave. It must have been so overwhelming to come back after time spent away. Youve done so well and if course you’re going to cry for a while. I think it’s shock of being home to the empty house and grief that has caught up with you. Cry it out love. Xx
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@Nancy123 me tok me and linda shopped twice a week its so dam hard going in there now it just sets me off even driving the car without her there is torment i feel for you sorry your on this rollercoaster too hugs 
Martin
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