I am here on our couch and crying my eyes out and shaking all over the place again and another dreaded weekend with sunshine is coming up. It is over four months now that my beloved husband left me suddenly. He told me that he loved me, and felt unconscious. Our house was full of ambulance people, police, and then the funeral director came and picked my Darling up. I am still traumatised and cannot really believe that I will never see him again. Every time I hear the train going by I think he is coming home. I am sorry to tell my story over and over again in this forum but I have not really anyone else to talk about it because my friends are getting fed up to hear it. I am missing him so much ( as you all miss your loved ones). I just do not know how to carry on anymore. There is no sense in this all. Why am I still here? Nobody needs me, nobody wants me anymore. There is just pain, despair and tears left. Hopefully, it will get better later. I am 62 (my beloved husband died three weeks before he would turn 66) and just to think that there may be years of this sadness ahead for me makes me tense and unhappy. What a terrible situation we are all in. I have no motivation to do anything. Maybe I will find enough energy to hoover a bit. Is it just me or is it harder to do even the smallest things to plan and do like making important phone calls, writing emails etc? I tried to make a to-do list but it did not help at all. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.
@Annaessex its not just you that finds it hard to get motivated to do anything.
I lost my partner 21 weeks ago unexpectedly and I still find it hard to get motivated a lot of the time. Try to focus on achieving at least one thing a day. I find when I get going I can achieve more, it’s the getting going that’s the hard part.
Also try not to think too far ahead. I can still only focus on the day at hand. Thinking about the future is too painful
I know how you feel i lost my partner 11 weeks ago and ive never known pain like this .Im 71 and spend most of my time alone .im scared of the future and today im just feeling so anxous .Its so early days for us so try and do one thing a day for yourself .I try to have something to look forward too.no matter how small .we are all here for each other i wish it was possible to all meet up one day like a reunion that would be a good thing to.focas on and look forward too.Im in north Yorkshire and i live near Whitby which is a beautifull.place .Hope your day gets a bit better love hope 5 xxx
Thank you so much for your kind words. I always wanted to visit Whitby because I loved reading the novel Dracula and Whitby Bay is associated with the book. Well, that is never going to happen without my husband. I think you also have a goth and steampunk festival every year there. I lost my interest in a lot of things since my Darling died. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Ye thats right there are some loveley places to visit and i know its never going to be the same without them .But we will.in time have to carve some sort of future out for ourselves right now i dont know what that is exacly .Xxx
Thank you for your kind words. I try to finish one task per day, but sometimes I just cannot face it. At least I am getting up every day and looking after myself as well as I am able to. Sometimes the whole situation is just so overwhelming. One of the worst parts is the lack of concentration. Sending a lot of love and hugs.
Have you pursued bereavment counselling @Annaessex … i think it would help you? I had it for lsst 3 weeks and it is helping clear the fog… i know sue ryder do it online … take care of yourself xxx
I’m also 62 and lost my darling husband, who was 60, suddenly fourteen months ago. He had a coronary thrombosis after playing his weekly football.
The fact that you are getting up and looking after yourself is an achievement so don’t berate yourself for doing nothing.
Some of us meet on Zoom a couple of times a week and we have found it an enormous help as we recognise the success and support with the more difficult times for each other. If you would like to try joining us please ask and I’ll add you to the thread. It has to stay on a private chat as this forum is visible to the public without them joining.
I have found I am able to turn my love for Richard into determination to look after what mattered to him. It’s hard and some days I wish I didn’t have to do so much but that is life now and I am lucky to still be able to do a fair bit.
Grief is exhausting so don’t expect too much of yourself but just do whatever you can manage and see it as the success it is.
I do not have a camera on my old laptop. My husband was the computer specialist in our house. I hardly can change the printer cartridges and when is something wrong with the laptop I go into panic mode. I will go to a diabetic check-up next week and will try to speak to the nurse if she can help me to get a doctor’s appointment to ask him about counseling. So crossed your fingers for me - maybe I am lucky. Sending lots of love and hugs.
Dear KarenF, Thank you for inviting me to the Zoom meeting. Unfortunately, I cannot join it because I do not have access to a camera. My husband was the computer specialist in our house and I am absolutely useless regarding technology. He set up everything and cared for it. My husband’s brother died at 52 a few years ago from a blood clot with moved to his brain and caused swelling of his brain. And now my husband’s parents lost their second son. Dad is 98 and Mum has early signs of Dementia. Life can be so cruel. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Yeh … good idea. Im doing face to face counselling so there is option to do this as well. Hope she can get you into somewhere ? Theres cruse bereavment too. They do bereavment counselling … hope u sort something x
I know exactly how you feel.
I have just gone to the chapel of rest to see my Stephen before we bury him on Monday.
I walked into the room and saw his sleeping beautiful face, then the tears started to fall. I sobbed my heart out.
I held his ice cold hand and gave him my letter I wrote which included a picture of me on our wedding day. It was hard to leave him so I got them to play a couple of songs we both liked. When I came home to an empty house I felt numb. I hope you know we are all sending you our love and hugs xx
Dear JXS, I have seen my husband at the funeral parlour before they took him to the morgue a few days later. Because my beloved husband died so suddenly at home there had to be a coroner’s verdict. He looked very peaceful like he was just asleep. My friend came with me but then left me alone with him for a while. I could kiss and cuddle him the last time. He loved Christmas songs so two of his favourites were played at his funeral and a favourite hymn chosen by his parents. A few weeks later I could pick up his urn which is now in our bedroom. I kiss and hug him every time when I pass our bedroom and talk to him. Thank you for your kind words. I wish we all could have our loved ones back and it was only a terrible nightmare. Sending you lots of love and hugs. I wish you a lot of strength for Monday.
We are having a celebration of life for Stephen, his taste of music wasn’t religious.
The entrance music is Paint it Black by the Rolling Stones and the exit music will be Thunderstruck by AC/DC. The song in the middle will be Perfect by Ed Sherran.
Stephen was diagnosed with prostrate cancer that was incurable back in 2019. Also in 2019 he had a heart attack. He wanted to die at home so we fulfilled his wishes. He hung on long enough to die on my birthday.
It is right what people say about taking it day by day. Our loved ones are not in pain anymore it all the people left behind that are now in pain. We are told to lean on our friends and family. I will be your friend if you will let me. We are probably miles away from each other but I will be there to listen if that’s ok xx
I love that song : paint it black ! Good choice xx
I think I would like Kate Bush: Running up the Hill. The Mutton Birds: Don’t fear the reaper. The Beloved: The sun rising. I like The Rolling Stones’ song and Thunderstruck, but I am not such keen on Ed Sheeran. I am already planning my own funeral because I don’t have any family left and actually I doubt that anyone will turn up for it. I want to be with my husband’s urn buried. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Aw … @Annaessex i was listening to kate bush last night and that song! Me and my husband listened to that when he was poorly so brings back sad but lovely memories … hope youre feeling better soon … you sound so sad xxx
I love Kate Bush and her Album Hounds of Love is one of my favourite albums of all time. I am learning to exist with deep sadness in me. There is nothing I can do. Maybe I am lucky and get counseling soon and it might help me a bit. Sending lots of love and hugs.
Deb5 unfortunately cruse were a complete waste of time and the lady i spoke to was very abrupt and extremely abrasive with her comments so i just ended the call x
Really ? Wow ! Im having my bereavment counselling with sue ryder x