Hello friends.
I lost my husband about 9 weeks ago and as you can imagine, I cry a lot. What I can’t understand is, I can sob for ages but afterwards I feel no better at all. Is anyone else finding this?
Hi. Ann. It’s far too early in your grief to even think about getting relief from crying, although crying can so often help. Relieving stress through emotions is so important. Cry if you want, even though it may not help at the moment. Do what you like in bereavement. There is no method or fix all treatment. Not possible. It’s a very individual experience. Give yourself time.
You will never forget, but the pain may ease a little as you go on.
Take care and we are all with you in your distress. We all know.
Blessings. John.
Thank you. It’s just that I feel a bit strange - why do I cry if it doesn’t help? I have no control over it. Something or nothing can set me off. I have even tried deliberately making myself cry with a sad song, but nothing works. So I feel permanently drained and worried that it will always be like this.
Ann, you cry because even though you may not realise it the emotions go deep and maybe even deep in the unconscious. Maybe we need to realise the depths of these emotions. They are not superficial but run deep. None of us have any control of emotions. They are so often emotions we did not think we had, and that very fact can be upsetting. About the worse thing you can do is to try and control emotions. Allow them to come. But don’t try and make them come. This can add more stress, and that’s the last thing you want. It won’t ‘always be like this’. I doubt anyone on here has not felt as you do at first. We are so upset and confused and the 'whys whys ’ come thick and fast. Pondering on unanswerable questions helps not one bit. The easement of the pain takes time and patience, but it does come. We will never forget, but we can see the possibility of some future. It’s called Hope. Maybe not yet but it will come. Honest!!
Take care. John.
Hi AnnR,
I’m truly very sorry for your loss 
I lost my dad suddenly back in March to a heart attack, and while I cant imagine the pain you’re going through, I can relate to the floods of tears.
As time goes on I can get through some days without crying, but I feel I’m constantly teetering on the edge. Sometimes it is so overwhelming I force myself to get it all out by doing/listening to something that reminds me of him but I never feel relief after it. Its never a good cry to get it all out, it just keeps coming.
You’re not alone. Take care of yourself 
x
Dear Alliecal, thank you for message. I found it very reassuring that I am not the only one this has happened to.
I am so sorry you lost your Dad. People say losing a parent is not the same as losing a spouse. Maybe not in some respects but it still hurts like hell because we have still lost someone we love to pieces.
I hope we both find comfort along with all the other friends on here who are suffering like we are. Hugs, Ann
Thank you Jonathan. What you have said makes a lot of sense. I suppose, too, that part of it is the shock and disbelief. It happened quite fast and I was not prepared. I will take it day by day, and I know we are all here for each other when it all gets too much. Thanks again