Crying so hard it hurts and i made myself sick

I have had a better day today i have for the first time found myself feeling quite calm and settled since Hubby died 22 Dec.

He has been taken yesterday for further testing to determine why he died, i was bad yesterday then today felt a bit better. As he died in our bed in our bedroom, i have moved onto a sofa bed in the spare room and am making it into a bedroom for myself. This room was my office previously so everything from here was just moved to our old room and i was running out clothes as there is always piles of clean washing i need to put away and dont get round to it. Anyway, i chose today to start sorting the clean washing knowing a good amount of the stuff mixed with mine and the kids stuff belonged to Jay. Seeing his clean clothes hasnt bothered me i have felt sad about it but not to bad.

While sorting the room out, i came across the last clothes he wore, exactly where he left them (on the floor!!) I picked them up to fold them and was fine till i found his wallet in his pocket where he left it.
Its like my brain just clicked and i said out loud you were the last person to touch this and burst into tears with my face buried in the jeans it was in.

I cried that hard i couldnt breathe and made myself sick. Thats the first time i have cried like that since he died, The kids area back at school now and this is the first day i have been here by myself and allowed myself to breakdown like that.

Never though i would cry so hard over a wallet.

How the hell am i going to get through hearing the test results to and finding out what took him from me, and the funeral if i cant hold it together over a wallet…

Just needed to vent guys. Sending love too everyone x


So sorry for your loss, it’s so very raw for you. I’m 16 weeks into this nightmare and I cry everyday. I’m back in work now which helps a tiny bit as you can kind of mask it. I lost my husband whilst we were on holiday and had to wait 5 weeks until we could have his funeral. I know the pain you feel and somehow we do get through it. The funeral is a total blur to me but I’m told he had a lovely send off. You will be surprised at the things that make you cry and then you will see the weird things you loved about him that will make you smile. Sending you a hug.x


So sorry for your loss. Im only 8 weeks in and i can’t focus. Feel like I’m getting worse. I’ve actually got his hoodie on at the moment, the one that he used to wear all the time. Like yourselves, ee died in our bed on my side. Everyone is different but I actually take comfort in that, make meet feel closer somehow and i have his ashes on the befside table.
The funeral will be hard and no one is judging you. You have lost your love so please dont beat youraelf up about breaking down. Take care of yourself I had more than one day where I couldn’t stop crying. There wasn’t a reason sometimes. In the end on one of them I rang Cruse. They were helpful, and I managed to stop, but then I found this forum, which does help too.

Crying is ok to do, and I read some where that grief tears are different from normal tears. I don’t know whether it’s true, but I quite liked the idea that they are healing in a way.


I’m 7 months into this and he died very suddenly in the garden at home.I had to wait 5 weeks for the funeral and remember very little about it I was just numb with shock.In those 5 weeks I had a significant birthday and don’t even remember what I did that day.It was a couple of months later when the shock wore off it really hit me and it doesn’t get any easier.


Im so sorry for your loss. I was doing ok then started the clearing useless things, his petrol receipts, empty tobacco packets etc…came across a bombay bad boy pot noodle and i broke down completely! They were his favourite until chemo started and he couldn’t handle spice any more. This man would put hot sauce on vindaloo, he was the one who put the pot noodle in the trolley on our last joint shopping trip. I’ve kept it but its never to be opened.


It doesn’t get easier i so wish it did. I’m 5 months in and the grief is stronger than ever. I’m just pleased my angel doesn’t have to suffer like this. Any advice is welcomed except for the usual joint a club, see friends, exercise etc as this is all i hear from those who haven’t experienced this pain. I’d love to hear from someone who is further along than me to see if they have had a glimmer of respite from the grief. Thank you all so much.


Hi there. The outpost of grief has probably done you good. It’s been almost three years for me and although I’ve managed to live some sort of life I still have bad days and cry over the silliest of things. I have just learnt to live alongside this sadness. Although I want to live I sometimes hate my life - if that makes sense :woman_shrugging: you still have to face the funeral
and his test results which are going to be tough but after that at least you’ll be able to function again - baby steps grief has no timetable.

BIG hugs

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Hi Kittycat

I am 16 months along this particular road and I can honestly say that “get exercise and see friends” really works for me, even though I still feel the pain. And that is what has worked for many of the widows I know or have got to know since my partner died suddenly.

There is a lot of research that says all social encounters are good for us, not just close friends. I go out for walks, and smile and exchange a few words with people, and that helped from quite early on.

It’s a bit like physio after an injury - you start small, and build it up.


Hi Salsnips,
Thank you for your advice. It does sou d logical as you explain it. I think sometimes I expect too much too soon as I’m a bit of a perfectionist which makes things difficult. I hope things go well for you and thanks again. Take care x

Hi everyone. Find this really difficult but everyone seems so helpful on here.
I lost my Dad at the end of Oct 23 and then the day after Dads funeral Nov 11 23 my Mum passed. I have to get on with normal life but how do i do that? Im lucky in some ways as i have my sister to lean on but daily life is difficult. Xx


Hi Julie

So sorry to hear that you lost both your parents so recently. The fact is, you are getting on with normal life if you are getting out of bed in the morning and getting through the day. That is quite an achievement. Maybe just take time to think what you have dealt with and accomplished in these last months.

And see what I said to Kittycat - take small steps to get out and about and socialise. It really worked for me. Yes, I wanted to talk about my loss a lot, but getting into conversation about other things is a good distraction. And we need distractions to give us a break from grieving.
Maybe plan something to do that you might enjoy. Maybe break down what you have to do into bite size pieces. I tried at least to keep on top of chores, not because I am very houseproud, but because living with mess just added to my gloom.

Don’t know if this is helpful - we are all different - but it might spark some ideas.

All the best


I’m so sorry for your loss I still have some of my wife’s clothes hanging in my cupboard I can’t get rid of them and I don’t plan to. She died of lung and brain cancer in June falling out of bed during the night. I know you’re pain it’s the worst feeling in the world when it comes. I know how hard it is and I still break down almost every day be strong for yourself and your children and take each day as it comes

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I know how you feel. My husband died in our bed. He had a brain tumor, i looked after him. I felt like you.I could not bring myself to go into the bedroom for several days , slept on the couch. I forced myself to get into the bed, It’s not easy but it has made me feel closer to him. It’s only been 5 weeks and it’s really hard coping with the loss of your soulmate.


So sorry for your loss, 5 weeks is still very raw. I’m 16 weeks in on this horrific journey and I find this helps as we understand each others pain. Everyone deals with grief differently too so just take a day at a time.

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I had to leave the house we loved it wasn’t home anymore when my wife died it just felt like a shell I spent a month there then I left. I do regret it now as we both loved the house but it wasn’t the same anymore. It was a spur of the moment thing it was a bad memory what happened even though we had many good memories.

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I’m so sorry to that you had to leave your home.I’ve just had to pack up one of our holiday homes. I’m exhausted from crying.

Thank you for your kind words. It’s so hard. This is the biggest mountain I have ever had to climb.