It’s 5 months today since my husband left me during the night. It still hurts so much & seem to cry over little things, though i try not to unless I’m alone.
My daughter & I visited family for the bank holiday weekend & though I enjoyed it, coming home has triggered so many more emotions. It didn’t help after we’d left my mum fell, fractured her hip & is now in hospital after having an op to fix it & I’m now miles away worrying.
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Thinking of you today, @Julie184. It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate at the moment and how you’re feeling is completely understandable. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted you to know that you’ve been heard.
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@Julie184 , I am with you on that Julie, lost my wife very suddenly 5 months and one week ago, I have looked back on my posts here and they do become a bit more positive but every morning I have the first tears, sometimes the rest of the day can be ok but the days that aren’t are still so hard to understand, I know that my current pain and sadness is not like the first 3 or 4 months when everything was desperately hard and painful and I question why the current emotions seem so hard, some people say it’s even harder, the conclusion I have come to is that the mind and body has “coped” (can’t think of a more suitable word) with those first few weeks, now it has a different set of emotions to “cope” with and until it does we find this changed situation just as hard to deal with.
Sorry my mind has run away again without thinking through what I am trying to say!
basically I understand that little things still come back and bite and the tears will flow.
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@swift thank you for your reply. I agree the coping is easier some days more than others. My trigger is at night when i settle down. I just keep reliving that horrendous morning & my tremendous overwhelming loss. Lets both keep ‘coping’ as best we can x
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I still go to bed with the laptop (don’t have a telly in the bedroom) I stick it on iplayer, find something and hopefully fall asleep, I have been really lucky that I don’t sleep too badly, it is hard to deal with the last images, my wife collapsed on the bedroom floor from cardiac arrest, i was there as well and carried out CPR for however long it took for the paramedics and a doctor to arrive, I know my wife had died within a few minutes, the paramedics and a helicopter doctor were very quick but it was all to no avail, I do honestly believe that nothing else could have been done but that image is carved into my mind, I found that I was going over it again and again and had to force myself to stop.
Take care.
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@swift I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s was so traumatic for you. You must remember that you did everything that you could have. I had to do cpr on my husband when I realised he was not breathing after trying to wake him. The paramedics tried, as you say in vain, as I think deep down I knew but prayed they’d bring him back. I still go over & over that morning windering if my son & I could have done anything differently. Hopefully in time these images will fade.
So sorry.
Sending a big hug xx
If you love someone, you will do anything for them, if you have done everything there is nothing more you can do, we all beat ourselves up about these things even tho we have done our very best.
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Hi guys I totally get what your saying about the horrendous images we are left with, my husband died 10 weeks ago and the days leading up to it and the weeks leading up to it were absolutely horrific and I can’t stop the flashbacks, he was only 52 I feel so alone
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@Cookie1973 sending love for your loss. The burden of holding all the flashbacks in our heads is overwhelming & this causes me headaches & tension in my neck. Hopingnin time these will ease as well as the traumatic visions x
It was similar for me. He was asleep next to me and started to make strange noises. I couldn’t wake him. I did CPR for around 15 minutes until paramedics and a doctor arrived. I thought he would make it. They induced a coma and he lived for 3 weeks on life support, never waking up. I eventually had to agree to stopping treatment, including the feeding tube. He still lived for 5 days. It was horrendous.
In a way I wish he had died in bed next to me and not had to suffer the last three weeks of his life. But I had to try to save him. Either way I feel guilty. I just hope that he was unaware of anything after snuggling down in bed with me.
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@Willow112 I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you have a supportive network around you. It’s so hard being the one that’s left but I’m coping by knowing that he wouldn’t of coped at all. Sending love 