Is it still ok to cry at six months since I’ve moved back to my house since staying with my mother I’ve felt the loneliness more my kids have come but miss them when they go this week I don’t know what has happened it seems I have gone back into my grief at my knitting class this week the commentated how well I looked and was looking a lot better but ever since that day I’ve seemed to have gone down hill, my neighbour who has painted the front of my house who I’m grateful for is now interfering by saying how I should be doing things and coming out with rude comments and overstepping the marks with my family also my friend is saying I should be showing signs of trying to get over it but all I want to do is cry I now dread the morning when I wake up is this normal
Hi. Its just over four months for me. I seemed to be a bit calmer but this week has been the worst. Crying all the time,I feel like I could smash up the house. Walked round the park with my dog and wanted to throw myself on the floor! Dont know whats going on.Feel so bad.
You cry all you want to,no one knows what your feeling. Its no ones business.It really is agony this feeling of hopelessness.
Thinking of you and hoping we will get some peace and respite from this soon.
Hi Sandypaws, I haven’t quite got to five months so I’m not sure but as of now you will often find me crying and that’s that men aren’t supposed to cry. People don’t understand how painful it is to have your loved one die. This isn’t something you can brush off and carry on as if nothing has happened. Look after yourself and don’t worry about other people.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
HI Sandypaws, I’ve only been a widow for 2 and a half months and I cry every single day morning, noon and night, and my only motivation (other than sorting my husband’s paperwork etc) is to reduce the horrible pain and anguish. Mornings are the worst because our bodies produce more cortisol which increases the anxiety. My GP gave me beta blockers for that and they do help a bit, I still cry a lot during the day. Hope you find something that makes you feel a bit better
Sorry for your loss, of course it’s ok to cry, six months is so early in grief. You’ll probably feel it more now you’re spending time alone. Whatever your house painting arrangement with your neighbour they have no right to make rude comments. Your friend is being very insensitive. If she’s not lost someone close like a partner, she’ll never understand fully how devastating it i is. Personally I ve found my friend to be uncomfortable with me because I’m just not the same person any more, and that can’t be helped. Don’t let yourself be bullied by anyone, you have enough to deal with. Grief can be relentless and it can’t be rushed. I’m just over seven months now, some days are bad some are really bad. Do things you enjoy doing, avoid toxic people and take care.
I also have found people condescending. The ones I am talking about have not lost a partner. All seem full of advice, you should do this , or dont do that, sure they mean well,but they are not grieving . It is so painful, I am 65 yrs old and lost my wife 14 months ago, such a shock , I still cry every day. No matter what people say to me it just goes in one ear and out the other.
The only thing I find helps is have a good damn cry. Dont bottle it up.Then try and pick yourself up.I lock myself away when I have really bad days, I know I shouldnt, but I find it’s worse for me being in company when I’m in such a state. I cant think straight.
Do what is right for you at any given moment, think of yourself and your own well being.
It certainly isnt easy, I’ve told friends that when I am really down I dont want to speak, and I e mail or text them instead, some I think have taken umbridge to this, others understand. Do what’s right for you, not anyone else.
Hi sandypaws022
There is no time limit on grief and the people that are telling you how you should feel have never been through this it has only been 6months well I can say to you I have been in this for 5yrs and there is times when I feel ok then there are times that I don’t feel ok and that is just how it is if people get over this quicker than others then that is fine for them but we are all different that’s what makes the world go round do not ever feel pressured into feeling better or ok just take your time you are bound to miss your husband I too miss mine only last week I went out in my car and I got it bumped from behind sat at a set of red traffic lights there was no damage thank god but I just wanted my husband to turn up in his car and give me a big hug and tell me its going to be alright but of course that cannot happen so you see you are not on your own this community will always be there for you when you needs us sending you some hugs
Sweetlady
So sorry for your loss, you are doing the right thing coming on here and letting it all come out. I dont come on too often but when I do I like to share my thoughts . It does help to unburden , and I find it easier than trying to explain to friends mostly. I have no family left now am 65 , and ,lost my wife 14 months ago, and year on year for the last 15 yrs , one after the other I have lost everyone in my family but this is a pain I’ve never felt before. There just isnt a quick fix, theres no time limit to the pain we feel, just some days are a bit better than others. And as we are all different, the grief may come , may go ,who knows?I am just hoping it will get easier, for myself and for all of you who have lost a loved one.i sometimes go travelling for a week or so, just go have a change of scenery,
Bless you all x
@Sandypaws022 my heart goes out to you - I lost my husband 12 weeks ago to cancer. I’ve gone through phases where I can, then I can’t; I thought I was doing well this past couple of weeks, no major wobbles and everyone I’ve seen has been surprised at how well I’m ‘coping’. I guess on the surface it looks like this, but then today ( can’t pin point the trigger) I have just cried all day.
I’m lucky I guess as I’m under no pressure from anyone to be anything other than I need to be, but there in lies the problem, I don’t know who I’m supposed to be, how I’m meant to feel, what I need to be doing? So, if feeling I can one day, and then on the floor crying the next is where I’m at right now, then that’s where I’m at.
I know it’s hard to not take it to heart, but please ignore the know-it-alls, only you know what your going through and will work out what is best for you, in your own time!
Sending