My partner died Monday morning 6/2/23 following coming home from hospice Thursday , I just can’t stop crying , can’t eat , but more worryingly I can’t feel his presence here with me xx will I ever ? I’m so heartbroken I can’t really function xxx I want to talk to him xx
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@Martju, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Your loss is so very recent and raw, you will be experiencing the physical symptoms of grief as well as the emotional pain, too. Please be gentle with yourself.
I wanted to share our Grief Guide with you. You mentioned wanting to talk to your husband. A lot of people do continue to talk to their loved ones out loud. Others find it helpful to journal and write their feelings down instead. Our Grief Guide has a journaling tool and it may be something you would want to take a look at.
Please do keep reaching out to the community - we are here with you and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Seaneen
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Hi i lost my Husband just over 3 months ago and i talk to him i tell him how much i love him and i always say good night to him and also say good morning to him i am so sorry to hear your partner died take care xx
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I still talk to Viv most days, just to let her know what I am doing and what I am feeling. Sometimes she gets back to me with signs that she still watches out for me. I still don’t eat much and I cry a lot but this is part of the grief process that will help you. I am not an expert in any way, just talking from experience. Talk to him first and he will send you a sign. So sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you.
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@Martju
So sorry you have the need to join us here.
I can’t say I feel my husband around me but I do feel he is part of who I am. So many aspects of our lives are moulded by being together however so he will always be part of who I am.
I also talk to him, especially when I’m in his fields. They will always be his fields even when the officially become mine and my daughters’.
I hope you will find some good support on here. It’s a wonderful community with some insightful people.
Sending love xxx
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So understand x
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His funeral was last Friday as his family are catholics ( live in Ireland ) they asked for a mass ( not marts wishes ) but I obliged and arranged one , his ex wife was going to but never did even though I send the priests number . Due to the priest not being able to do the mass until fri 3 rd march we all had to wait approx 1 month , Martin had wanted a celebration of life with a certain person leading this , which I arranged . Because all of this could only happen on a Friday , his cremation was then the Monday and only 6 allowed in n due to council regulations as it was not a service . I had asked all his family in a WhatsApp chat over the 3 weeks prior to funerals if any wanted to attend the 6 allowed on Monday morning bearing in mind it would be 5 as I would be there , one so said yes and a brother and his wife . His ex wife of 20 years had prior to this flown from Ireland without informing us whilst mart was in the hospice , had gone into main hospital and ordered a priest down , she had also arranged for all his 4 boys ( all adults to fly over ) in known to us , they visited and them went out drinking in the area . The hospice took it up with me I apologised but explained had no idea anyone had planned this . The ex wife then offered to arrange the mass so I sent the priest number over , zero done , so I had to arrange this too . Plus wake and celebration of life . The Irish contingency all arrived last Thursday and had rooms booked where the wake would be held next day . Mass and celebration of life went well ( heartbreaking ) , his ex wife attended both . No one mentioned the Monday morning event so I assumed it was as planned . Sunday I went out with his brother and wife for lunch . That evening at 9pm had a text of the son who said would attend , asking what time in the morning because he would be bringing his mother . I explained this was my 5 mins with Martin , he then got very abusive slot of what he said didn’t make any sense , saying I was delusional if I thought his dad wotkd rather me there than him , constantly texted back all 4 sons welcome but I felt I had more than accommodated ex wife and only 6 allowed and she had had all day Friday to speak to me . ( I’m not the cause of her being his wife they separated years before my 16 years with him ) .I tried to phone her that night to explain my very personal reasons and that it was marts wish but she refused to answer phone so I sent a message which was apologetic but explained how I had nursed him , watched I’m die , sorted out all the stuff for funerals , bank , passport etc . She did not open this message . Whilst we were waiting to go in my brother said at the end do you think Julie could just have one minute alone with mart . The wife of his brother said I think that’s upto Michael . The ex wife and all the above attended , then left without a good bye . His brother then sent a message to say he has a heavy heart that I could do this to his ex wife and son ( son was always invited as were his other 3 ) that I have let marts family down and that I could have let more people in even though I explained a few times it’s the council rule . His ex wife then opened her message from me 10 minutes after leaving the crem. I have sent his sins abusive messages onto his brother they were so very very nasty . I’ve had no word from any of them since and I’ve lost all my memories of mart as I’m so upset , he had told me in the hospice don’t let his ex wife be devious and arrive in announced ever again but all I get is she’s the mother of his sons , in my eyes it’s the sons that should have been there , I can’t grieve I’ve just got this pain in my chest constantly . I’ve an ex husband and 2 sons with him I’d go to the funeral to back up my boys but then go home . I don’t know how to get over this , there’s no Mart here to tell and he works be so angry with them all. I don’t want to carry on tbh xx
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@Martju I am so sorry you have had to go through this extra ordeal, as if it’s not bad enough by itself losing your life partner. You now need to concentrate on yourself and grieving for your loved one. You did your best so you have nothing to feel guilty about with regards to his family. They should now be placed in the dustbin of history as far as you are concerned. Concentrate on those who love you and support you to help you through the pain, you have no need of those whose only motive is to bring you more grief. Love and support xx
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Thankyou , everyone who knows about it is supportive but they have made me feel I’ve done something terrible !! They don’t understand how I feel , I’ve been more than accommodating to his ex wife for 16 years , he wasn’t close to her , she acted like the widow , they couldn’t understand it’s not normal for such involvement x I can’t get passed it it’s absolutely Killing me x
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@Martju
How awful that what was already such a heartbreaking occasion was made even more difficult for you. You did everything anyone could realistically have expected you to do - and more. I do hope you can find some peace now and know that here you can express any feelings you have as well as having the confidence to know people here care.
Look after yourself now.
Love
Karen xxx
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