I keep crying as well… thought I had a better day yesterday and today can’t stop crying. Life is so unfair and cruel. My husband was a hardworking man and very caring and generous. He didn’t deserve this like everyone else who has lost a love one on this forum. He was 53 and had many years of life to go and now my son and me are left in this horrendous life. Big hugs xx
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Same. My tears seem to be drying up a bit, I’ve cried three times today but just a few tears at a time. The tears and anger seem to have been replaced by sadness and hopelessness. I too wake up every morning and think here we go, another day to get through. I wish I could just go to bed and not wake up 
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I know how you feel…I’m just feeling in my time till I go. I have a 22 year old son and have to keep going for him. I wish our love ones could come back as quickly as they went. Really need to speak which I do but never get a reply sadly xx
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@Annaessex Hi Anna - I think there is hope for us all, otherwise these forums would be very empty places as everyone would have given up and locked themselves away. I get rough days, mornings, evenings and like @UnityMan I hate Sundays as that’s when my partner died. Can you have a chat with your GP or contact Sue Ryder to see if there are any counselling arrangements that could be made for you? In the meantime, keep posting as people do care and will reply to you - you’re not alone.
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Hi all, I can see there are two different discussions going on here, and that this thread has strayed far from @Annaessex’s opening post. I have now split this topic so that @Annaessex can get the support that she needs. You can find the topic about near death experiences here.
Please do start new topics if you would like to discuss something that isn’t related to what the person who started the thread is looking for.
Take care,
Seaneen
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Thank you, Seaneen
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I lost my husband 14 months ago the first 6 months were horrendous, crying every night wishing it was all a dream, then slowly the tears were getting less. Not gone completely but not every night. I started decorating as a coping mechanism, all was going well then the other day i couldnt be bothered thinking whats rhe point hes not here to see it. Only lasted that day, then this morning was dusting by his casket (I have his ashes at home) and i suddenly broke down, i mean teally broke down. I was sobbing as if my heart would break. I thought I was coping quite well, how wrong am I
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Hi, you are not wrong. You are coping well. I’m at nearly 6 weeks and currently couldn’t do what you have been doing. I’m sure we will all have bad days for many years to come because we loved our lost ones so much, but it sounds like there will eventually be good days in the mix too. So well done for carrying on. X
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I have my husband also at home in my bedroom and I kiss his urn and hug him (his urn) every time when I am upstairs. Sometimes I am crying, sometimes I am laughing with him when I remember the good times. You are coping very well. Hugs from Anna
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I have his photo next to his casket and talk to him daily, and when i go to bed i always say goodnight and kiss my locket as I have his photo in there. Like you i sometimes cry but not as much as in the early days. Its nice to be able to remember the good times without the tears sometimes. What makes it hard is that he just went suddenly with no warning
Take care on this journey
Denise
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My husband died on Valentine’s Day; I gave him my card and presents and a few hours later he was dead. I thought that he had a heart attack because he went so quickly but it was advanced Kidney cancer. Never had any symptoms, he told me that he loves me, died, and left me on my own. We made so many plans and now everything is in shatters. I try to make any sense of it but still cannot believe that he is not coming back. Hugs from Anna
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Gosh that’s terrible. Did you only find out he had kidney cancer because he had a post mortem? That must have come as such a massive shock to you.
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So sorry to hear that Anna, my hgsband died just before Christmas 2021, he loved looking at antique books and my daughter was distraught as she had bought him a new one for Christmas. She wished she had given it to him before Christmas as she knew how much he loved them, reading them over and over again. We were allowed to put it in his coffin, i think that helped. We had gone to bed and i woke at 1.30 to see him on the floor trying to get up, he then went down completely eyes open but not responding to me tslking to him. My son was at home at the time and was doing CPR till the ambulance arrived as he had stopped breathing. We found out he had enlarged prostrate, no sign, no warning. He was only 73
Sending hugs
Denise
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Yes, there was a postmortem. There were about 6 ambulance people in our bedroom, 3 policemen were in our living room and then the undertaker came to take my beloved husband away. It was just horrible. The neighbours were as shocked as I was. We moved to the area in November 1999, so a lot of people knew my husband. I could manage to see my big baby a last time before the postmortem. He looked at peace and I could hug and kiss him. I wanted to see him because the last time I saw the medics were “working” on him and he was on the floor. I did not want that nightmare memory. I sat with him until the undertaker came. He was still on the floor because it was not allowed to move him.
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I also had his birthday card and a present already at home for his birthday in March (he would be 66). We made plans to go away at end of April to Norfolk again and now I am on my own wondering what actually happened. I still cannot believe that I will never see him again in this life. Hugs from Anna
I didnt get the chance to see him before the postmortem as everything was held up because of Christmas and New Year so by the time the funeral home had him it was a closed coffin. In a way i was glad as my last memory of him was lying in our bed where the ambulance people had lain him, he looked as if he had just fallen asleep. What i cant get out of my head is the memory of seeing him on the floor. As long as i live that memory will stay with me. Tears are falling while i am writing this, although its been 16 months since it happened it feels like yesterday.
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The images that stick in our minds of our OH’s being worked on are horrific. They pop into my mind throughout the day and when I’m trying to sleep at night. I’ll never forget them. They seem to be at the forefront of my memories and I feel like all the happy memories of him as a real live person have been replaced with him being worked on or in his coffin at the funeral directors 
I hope as time passes the bad memories will start to fade and are replaced by the lovely memories that seem to be pushed to the back of my mind now.
I keep waking up in the early hours and can feel like a scared pain coming from my chest if that makes sense, it subsides really quickly but then I just lie there thinking about all the bad memories surrounding his death. It hurts me deeply that I remember him that way. He was such a wonderful person, he doesn’t deserve to be remembered like that. He deserves to be remembered for being the wonderful, funny, caring and loving man that he was 
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I have those images of him being worked on, and when i first found him collapsed just down the road from our house. Hed only gone out for a walk. Those images are less often now, itll be 7 months ago on the 2nd may, that i lost him, that i lost part of me too. Its horrific isnt it. Im too young to be a widow at 48! Sendin love to everyone in this nightmare xx
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I can still see the marks the defibrillator left on his chest. My poor baby
I’m 38 and honestly thought we would grow old in the home we made together. I thought we would travel lots of places in the coming years, there was so many places we wanted to see. We were going to book a Norwegian Fjords cruise for September. There’s so much we missed out on. I try and tell myself that he got to do a lot when he was here too and some people don’t get the chance to experience anything because they die before they have even reached double digits but it doesn’t make me feel any better
I miss him so much, I’m just totally lost.
I miss the future that he should have had. The world is such an unfair place.
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