Cumulative grief

After losing my school pal , sister (soul mate) Mum within 5 years I also lost my son in law to pancreatic cancer. My daughter and him were only married 5 months. Following mum’s death, also pancreatic cancer, my disabled dad had another heart attack. A year after my lovely son in laws death my daughter is unwell with a long term neuropathic illness.
I’ve now hit a wall and struggling to cope. Doc has signed me off work but told me to get help.
My problem is “why now?” No one can understand why I’m feeling this way now ! Is this normal to have a delay ? Everyone is saying get on with it but I don’t know how to.

Yes I would say, dealing with any kind of trauma can cause a delayed response.

Here’s my example, but actually at this point, nothing to do with my loss.

When I was 19 I had Crohn’s disease, I struggled for years, ended up having major surgery, not much medical support at the time. All my working years trying to deal with the impact of working with an invisible disability, socially struggled but thought I was doing ok. In 2018 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, but very early stages and treatment was very mild and successful. I was due to return to work and hit a massive brick wall. Anxiety, no appetite. Couldn’t go out the house, couldnt stay in on my own!!
In the big scheme of things, dealing with the cancer treatment was the easiest but I think because I possibly hadnt dealt with everything else in my past, it all came to the fore.

I think with everything you have reached a topping point

Dee xx

Hi Dee,

Thanks for your message , giving myself a hard time , as usual, but I’ve lost my support network , that person who reasons out how you feel.

How are you doing now ? You have had a lot to cope with.

The sad thing is, everything I dealt with or didn’t in the past, is nothing compared to the loss of my husband. I do wonder some days if I’m being punished. Im one of six siblings and I’m the only one to have suffered bad health and a bereavement ……… not that I would wish this on any one. My parents are both in their nineties and I always used to say I dread that day, but the reality now is yes it will be very sad but probably more in the right order if things.
That sounds very selfish doesn’t


I am too and losing my sister was bad enough but it and then my mum died which left the family in bits and I only really have a brother who has stayed close.
No I can’t imagine that pain (divorced) losing mum I kept thinking well she was 82 looking after Dad in her place is hard work but you keep going somehow.
Until your body says Enough! It’s not selfish at all , it’s the way things should be as you said.