Cumulative Loss

[KC52]

I hope people don’t mind me posting and I apologise for the long post, sadly I’m dealing with a lot at the moment.

On 17 November 2022 my life turned upside down when I lost my devoted dog of 14 and a half years. She had been my rock through job changes and divorce and was my everything (I don’t have children) but little did I know how much my life was really about to change.

4 weeks later suddenly and unexpectedly I lost my mum a week before Christmas, a time of year my mum loved and enjoyed having the whole family home. The family did our best to cope for the younger children in the family but I knew Christmas was never going to be the same again.

4 weeks after losing mum we lost my Uncle, Mums youngest sisters husband but someone who was a big part of my life growing up as I spent most Saturdays at there house babysitting.

I am

Now in January 2023 and I have lost two two of the most precious people/animal to me in the world and sought solace in my work feeling like it was the only thing I had control of.

In June 2023 I suddenly became unwell, dizziness, permanent tinnitus, unable to function which would come on very suddenly without warning. 10 days I suffered of these debilitating attacks which disappeared as soon as they came.

At this point I am still struggling with losing mum, my emotional support, the person who was always there for me when nobody else was especially helping out with Charlie (my other dog) due to my work commitments. That meant things had to change especially around my flexibility as Charlie had to come first.

In January 2024 I suffered further periods of dizziness (a lot worse than the first occurrences), sickness, loss of continence, collapse, loss of hearing, and permanent tinnitus. Thankfully with the support of my GP I managed to get a diagnosis of Ménière’s Disease a debilitating condition with no cure affecting the inner ear. Sadly as I was experiencing the attacks with no warning it meant I had to stop driving. It also meant I was fearful every time I left the house that I might have an attack (which sometimes can render me unable to move for 8 hours).

By this point it’s June 2024 and I’ve lost my dog, my mum, my uncle and now my independence because of my health.

August 2025 the GP discovered a blood clot in my Dads leg sadly an MRI discovered a tumour so close to dads femoral artery it was inoperable. He began treatment to by us some more time but in November he collapsed through the night in the bathroom and wasn’t discovered until next morning. He was transferred to hospital but they discovered the cancer had spread, his leg would need to be amputated but he wound not be able to stand the surgery… on 9 January 2025 he died.

I made the decision (rightly or wrongly) that I couldn’t watch him die and as a result of that my siblings would no longer talk to me and sadly neither would Dad having made the decision for nurses not to update me when I called stating if I wanted to know how he was I could go and see him.

I have spent all

Of my life making decisions to please others both personally and professionally and this one time I made a decision for me nobody supported me!

I have not spoken to my siblings since, I wasn’t given the opportunity to take personal items from the mum and dads house as keepsakes or childhood mementos which were still stored at my parents house.

January 2025 I’ve lost my pet, my mum, my uncle, my independence, another uncle and my Dad… but life hadn’t finished hurting me yet.

in August 2025 I list my job having been made redundant after 11 years. My job has always been my purpose and has always played a huge part of my life and I no longer have a sense of purpose!

There are days I ask myself what have I done to deserve this… there are days I ask myself what is the point in continuing to live?

There is not a day goes by when I’m not in tears and my heart aches with the hurt I’m feeling…

I don’t know why I’ve written this post, I know sadly there are people suffering more than me, so why do I feel like my world has completely ended?

[CCAZ]

You told us and I heard you. Your life is not over therefore. Try a cold or warm beverage and sit on the floor and rock yourself I’m going to have an ice water in your honor. Join me.

[Claudie]

Oh my goodness what a lot of heartache for you. It may seem very hard for you but slowly you will begin to feel that bit stronger. We all ask ‘why’ nobody has the answer. Grief is deep, grief hurts, it’s 12 weeks since my husband passed away and life is very very different. We have to be strong now and despite what people may or may not say we have memories we are still here. Don’t give up! You will get there take care

[toadhall]

I am new here but your post caught my eye, I feel like I have similar, it is really sad that your siblings are not speaking to you, I don’t know why they would do that at such an important time. I am sorry you are going through this.

All I can say is that I can relate, 8 years ago one of my adult children cut me off, and would not allow us to continue seeing our beloved grandchildren, my mother then sided with her, making it awkward to continue with a relationship with my dad. We did though continue to see him, the family split really impacted him and he became quite ill with dementia. My mother seemed to get more and more controlling the more ill he became, she stopped us seeing him near the end of his life. Fortunately he went into a care home and we were able to continue seeing him. The whole thing was traumatic as well as the grief, it was the unbearable decisions on my dad’s behalf that were being made that became so sad for him. This is just a sketch of what happened by the way! She gave us the wrong details of his funeral, so we weren’t able to even go to that.

All I know is that people, even if they are family can be awful. It is easy to say we are better off without them, they will get their own etc etc. but life really is harsh sometimes isn’t it. I am still trying to process the whole vile thing. and at the same time hoping that my end of life isn’t ruined by people making decisions I would not want for me.

Do you think there is a chance that your siblings will come round? has this happened before, that they decide not to talk to you? also do you have friends you could just spend some quiet time with?