Dad died and left me with a mess

My dad died just over 2 weeks ago. It was unexpected but not shocking. He’d be smoking and drinking heavily, abusing pain medication, and generally not looking after himself for years. He’s left me with such a mess to clean up. He had no spouse and no other children so it’s all fallen on me. He was looking after my 98 year old great grandmother and he hadn’t put anything in place for what to do if he died. I live 350 miles away so I’ve had to scramble to get a care package put in place for her. I’ve managed to get something for her but today I’ve had to go home. It broke my heart to walk away from her, even though I’m going to be back in a couple of weeks.

I’m angry with my dad for leaving me with this. Why didn’t he put something in place earlier? Why didn’t he care for himself better so could live? Why didn’t he ask for help sooner?

I m so sorry for the very challenging situation you are facing You have had no time to grieve the loss of your father as you have had to pick up the responsibility of your grandmother In such circumstances it’s quite normal to be angry and fed up with the person who died A lot people don’t accept they are ever going to die even though everyone dies eventually They make no plans for this eventuality My husband was the same as your Dad and I had so much to do after he died I felt really annoyed with him He died in May 2023 fortunately for me my anger has slowly begun disappeared . I accept now that I should have anticipated this scenario too and have forgiven him and myself too for not planning ahead. People are often very careless with their own health that is just how they are., you cannot always save them Learn how to slowly forgive your Dad and yourself and allow yourself time to grieve You have a difficult time ahead Stay well be at peace

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