Dad died. Struggling to help Mum.

Dad died three months ago. He was in his eighties, had a long term illness and was very ill towards the end. Mam is eighty. She is quite well mentally and physically. However, she is an anxious person, as am I myself. I have been trying so hard to help with everything but it isn’t easy and we feel alone and don’t have much support from other people. The strain shows sometimes and sometimes I get angry and can’t cope. Dad used to do everything and I have big shoes to fill. I don’t know what to do.

Hi Trist

I am sorry to read about the loss of your Dad and not long ago either. It is horrible seeing someone you love not well and going downhill, especially when they become very ill at the end. Even though it was expected I would imagine you went into shock for some time, maybe you are still now. Everything must feel so difficult, there is always so much to do.

I think you sound lovely and kind, your Dad must have loved you so much. Your Mum I bet does too. It is a lot for you both to try and cope with on your own. It is only natural that you feel under strain and sometimes a bit grumpy. From your post I am guessing you either live with your Mum or very close by.

However hard it may seem you have got to be a bit selfish almost. Take some time just for yourself. do something nice just for you, something you enjoy, going for a walk, going out for a coffee in a cafe. The same for your Mum too. You mention that she is good mentally and physically so getting out and seeing different people helps. That little time apart can refresh and give you both new things to talk about.

Maybe also have a chat with your doctor, anxiety is a miserable thing to cope with. I experienced it badly some years ago and it was only a visit to my doctor for something else that brought matters to a head. My doctor was wonderful to me and helped me through it. Doctors know how to help with anxiety, doesn’t mean taking pills if you don’t want to so worth doing.

Keep coming back here as there will be others with good advice too. Finding this forum was the best thing I did after I lost my Mum. There are lots of good kind people here who will reply as well.


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