Hi i lost my dad 8 weeks ago suddenly.and unexpectedly. We’d been out for a meal to celebrate my Mums 80th and he complained of chest pains on and off for a few weeks, but the GPs had put it down to a pulled muscle. I got up to call 999 and he just keeled over and died. I went the scenic route home and wished Id just taken him to hospital. I didnt realise he was in so much pain on the way home. I feel so.much guilt for not making him go back to the GP’s, for not taking him straight to hospital and i also then had to do CPR on him untill the paramedics arrived. I feel a failure for not been able to bring him back and can still hear the awful sound of cracking his ribs in the process.
I went back to work after just short of 2 weeks as I felt i wanted some normality , but after his funeral last week my grief is getting worse. He dealt with all the finances etc so ive been busy sorting everything for my Mum and making sure shes ok. I ended up in A&E with chest pains the other day and have suspected angina. Ive had to take more time off work again and hate doing that. Just feel so lost and cant believe hes gone. 
Hi @NurseGladys ,
This must of been very traumatic for you, sending hugs of support.
Grief is a horrible thing, though sadly we all go through it in our own way at some point. I think in the beginning a lot of people, (myself included) are in shock, & spend time either on autopilot, or just generally keeping busy, either to try to block it out for a while, or as you say, trying to keep some kind of normality, but sadly the end result is that someone we love & care about very much is gone, & understandably we miss them, & feel the empty spaces left by them. It’s normal for the grief to hit more later, at quiet moments when the “autopilot” phase starts to subside a bit. This is your grief journey, take it one day at a time, & do what works for you, some people, myself included, keep a journal, some people create a memory box for there loved one, some people have a photo of them they always talk to, some people try to focus on other things like work or family, as a distraction, only you know what’s right for you.
My brother in law also has suspended angina, I read this as nature’s way of saying “look after yourself, & as hard as it is, try not to be too hard on yourself,” grief can be an emotional rollercoaster at times, but please don’t feel guilty, I’m sure you did all you could for your dad.
Thank you so much for your reply @Pandaprincess . Yes autopilot thats a good description of it. Its good to know that im normal and this is all part of a very long process.
Hey, I’ve had very similar to you this last week and can relate 
I feel also feel so much guilt, tried the cpr myself as well,
I came for help with the replys here but want you to know your not alone. Xx
Hi NurseGladys,
Just read your post and wanted to reach out to you.
Take as much time off work as you are allowed as this is such a traumatic time for you . Check with your line manager how much time you are entitled to.It will give you time to heal a little.
The shock if it all is awful to deal with and my heart goes out to you
Post on here anytime as people will help you
Thinking of you
Deborah x
Thank you, your reply really helps. Xx
Thank you so much. Feel free to message me too, as i also came for help but want to help others too xx