I lost my dad the other day. He was 86 and suffered with dementia. It’s been 2 weeks since and I think I’m currently going through “stage one” of the stages of grief. As a young woman in my 20’s I don’t feel I have the tools to process it. I know there aren’t rules for grieving but I feel scared that I’m grieving differently to others. I’ve become withdrawn I’m not eating or sleeping and closed off to loved ones. My friends and family have tried to be sympathetic but I just feel like running away and being alone feeling like although they try they don’t understand or won’t understand how I feel and I’m also scared to admit to myself what I’m actually feeling because of what I’ve been through. I have lived for a while with the motto “one day at a time” and everyday is different. Some days I want to run far away and hide, others I wake up and can’t get out of bed. I don’t want to talk in person because I feel like if I say it out loud then I’ll realise it’s real and it happened and I’m scared of whatever’s next. My dads funeral is 3rd of March and I’ve kept a calendar counting down the days. Decided to talk online instead so here I am if there’s anyone out there who can relate or converse with me I’d love that but I’m partly putting my story out here so it’s somewhere to get it out of my head. Hope I didn’t ramble on and everything I said made sense to someone.
Hi Katie, I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad, you have come to right place, there’s plenty of people on this site who will know exactly how you are feeling, grief is something we have to go through when we lose somebody we love, having said that everybody grieves differently and you have to do what feels right for you, but try and accept help from friends and relatives, sending love and hugs Jude xx
I’m sorry about your Dad, sending you lots of love. It’s been a little over 8mths since Dad passed and it was so unexpected and sudden, I just couldn’t believe that I woke up to a missed call from mum saying Dad was in hospital. I visited him that night in hospital and the next day with mum, but unfortunately he passed that night and our whole world came crashing down, he was our rock, our leader. But I knew I had to be strong (I’m proud to say I’m like my Dad in that sense, the strong one, looking out for everyone else) and I knew I needed to but more importantly wanted to be there for Mum and my sister…I’m glad I’m here for mum and my sister but I’ve found in recent weeks (just today in fact) that I wanted to run away and just get off the world so to speak. At the very beginning all I wanted to do was to be with Dad and I was angry that the world carried on etc. Grief is a funny thing. I can’t believe I’ve managed 8mths tbh. I’ve had days where it’s not been a wave of grief but more a sledgehammer hidden amongst a tsunami wave and I’ve had to cancel plans with mum and my sister due to almost feeling paralysed/numb and in constant floods of tears and mental torture that day. But I felt awful as I was letting them down and I hate to let them down but I knew I needed that day to just be in my four walls and let it through (I hate asking for help but I asked a family friend to help my mum and sister that day, and making that step in asking for help was a huge step for me) but anyways, I’m rambling on, I tend to do a lot of that. I just hope you find some comfort in my words if you can as I just want to show you it varies from person to person, from day to day. You’ll have major downs but also major ups, just give yourself time. Don’t compare yourself, it’s okay you want to be alone and run away, it’s okay to feel the way you feel…just don’t stay in solitude for too long, do what you need to do but please accept support from others. Even if it’s a 5min chat it’ll help, before you go back to being in your own company. I hope this makes sense (sorry for the essay, it’s 04:16am and I’ve not yet slept 
) lots of love to you, I’m here if you need to talk separately 