Dad doesn’t care mum’s gone

Losing a parent
1

I’m struggling a bit today… I lost my mum on 03/11 from lung cancer (had only had a recent diagnosis). There was no funeral… mum hadn’t wanted one and I think dad was keen to save money (money is not an issue). Mum said I could turn her into a diamond. Dad made it seem like I just wanted a flashy trophy - which was not the point. So I have said I am happy to have the ashes and arrange this myself when I can afford it (money is an issue).
The real thing that is upsetting me, though, is that I went to see dad this weekend and he started talking to me about which dating apps he should use. I must have looked at him in horror and about the only thing I could say was ‘mum has not even been dead a month’. They were married almost 50 years. He’s just been focussed on getting rid of every trace of her from the house and he keeps making these little negative comments to me about her.
Mum loved me unconditionally - I know she did - but I have always been a disappointment to him and am just feeling this acutely at the moment.
He was in the hospital briefly after she died with an operation that went a bit iffy. He is fine now… but there was a brief period where a) I thought I might lose him too but b) there seemed to be bridges maybe forming.

I’m so angry he mentioned dating sites and that he can just pack mum away and make these little diggy comments. During her last weeks she was so focussed on donating her collector’s teddies for charity auctions and making sure the right charities got the right stuff, because she knew he would just clear it all. It’s horrible.

I told my mum everything and she was always the one I went to when I felt sad or needed to vent. I feel impossibly alone. If I tried to communicate any of this to him I would be shot down straight away, so there is no point.
I just don’t get how cold and practical he is.

When does this all start getting easier?

2

personally I think it’s very disrespectful to think things like he is, let alone say something like that to his child.
I understand people react differently to loosing someone but after reading this about 4 times and coming back to it two or three times I had to respond…he sounds horrible,
lack of emotion in being able to say that to you is crazy and the time frame?
think you should sit down, probably not close to one another and ask he how he feels about the passing, it may have been a joke because he’s one of them guys but I don’t think he is with you posting about your concern.
from a my perspective…I would never say such a thing to my daughter or allow anyone to talk bad about her mother in my presence, you just don’t do it. as I said, have a sit down, clear the air but just be prepared to see someone you didn’t think could be able to say things he might. again it could of all been a stupid joke that when he was alone…sat there and cried about what he said…some people are strange to say the least with emotions, have a chat with him, honestly, talking to people on here won’t really help, and with what’s gone on in your life, and having the chance to be able to have that chat…I wouldn’t waste time when I could be talking to him and getting this off your chest…

not a dig at the community, she has a chance to talk to him and sort this out