Dad Gone. Mum wants to die

Dear All
My lovely Dad died suddenly on valentines Day. We have been shaken and completely floored by his death. Where has a month gone. Our feelings have been put on hold as our Mother is suicidal. 55 years of their marriage, my mum sees no future. We have the service in 2 days… Just can’t see how we are going to get back to anything that ever resembles anything normal again.

Dear Keeks,

My heart goes out to you. My dear Dad died 4 months ago after a 3 and a half year battle with lung disease and my Mum also said she wanted to die. It’s awful isn’t it. I can’t imagine coping with sudden death, but Even though we knew Dad had a limited time and could prepare, watching him suffer in his last year was heartbreaking. They were married for 61 years. Big hugs Keek. (((((((((()))))))))) x

Keeks and Janey85, oh how I sympathise with you both but also with your mums. I spent the first year thinking I would be allowed to follow my soulmate but it didn’t happen and I am still here. Life is sad but you have to get through it and we do come out the other end, eventually. I had counselling but my family couldn’t understand why, they had no idea how I felt, I spent a lot of time crying and drinking, it wasn’t water! Some days I think why am I here still but because there is no other way I get on with it, I couldn’t do anything silly, which is good. Yes you go through all these thoughts but there is always tomorrow. Have patience with your mums and keep telling her just how much you love her and also that you know how she must be feeling. Lots of hugs and kisses would have helped me but my boys (?) don’t live near. Don’t give up on your mums just be there for her, she will get better, we have to.
Blessings to you both.
S xxx

Dear Keek,I know how your mum feels. I too have lost my husband ,Last year July 27th. Like your Mum 53 yrs together.We celebrated our 50th anniversary and he promised ,we would celebrate when he gets out ,but passed away 3 days later.Our life has been shattered ,were lost without him ,I too want to die ,But I know he would be angering as he wanted to live.Its going to hard ,but if your like my DAUGTHERS ,They are around me 24/7.Pushing me to cook,eat ,take me out ,being there ,throu thick and thin.I cry every time ,sec,mins hours days,it will be hard stick with your Mother it’s very hard for her,her husband ,best friend ,lover,they mean a lot to us our power ,strength.As wife we will never forget them .till we meet again .we miss u. Our husbands.

Thank you so much, such kind words… I am so grateful xx sending love your way x

Thank you for your kind words…, things still remain so so sad…, loss is the worst affliction… Sending love xx and yes us 3 girls are lije your daughters, haven’t left Mum even for 5 minutes… X

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your dad and that your mum is feeling suicidal. It sounds from your latest post as though she is still having these feelings?

That is a very scary and upsetting thing for you to deal with? Has she tried to harm herself, or given any sign that she has an active plan to do so? Do you think that she is open to getting any support with these feelings? You could encourage her to call the Samaritans on 116 123 (open 24/7), or to make an appointment with her GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your local area.

If you ever believe she is about to harm herself, please call 999.

The Samaritans have more information on what to do if someone you know is suicidal, which you may find helpful: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/support-and-information/worried-about-someone-else/what-do-if-someone-you-know-suicidal/

And what about you? How are you doing? It sounds as though you are under a huge amount of pressure trying to be with your mum at all times and you mentioned in your first post that you have had to put your own grief to one side. Do you have anyone around you that you can talk to, such as your partner, friends or other family members? Your feelings are important, too, and it’s important to have outlets for your emotions, even if that is just writing things down here on the site.

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