My Mum passed away very unexpectedly almost two years ago. She was only 63 and it still feels very raw. My Mum and Dad were very much still in love after over 40 years of marriage when she passed away. Over the last few months, I’ve felt that my Dad has started to become very distant. I feel like I dont know him anymore and can’t even have a conversation with him. He’s always out or going away at the weekends and never rings us, we always phone him and even then he’llspeak for a few minutes before he says he’sgot to go. I had my first child 6 months ago and I feel like my son has barely any relationship with my Dad, despite me trying to foster this. It feels like we are at the bottom of the priority list. I don’t feel like he’s really even begun to process the grief or the trauma of the way in which my Mum died. On top of this, I’ve also started to suspect that my Dad is in a relationship with a new woman which I am so shocked by and so hurt by. There are lots of things that are pointing towards this and I know he has lied to me about certain things. It really hurts that he is keeping such big things from my sister and I and especially that he has lied. I want him to be happy, I really do, but I can’t help but feel this is too soon and I feel like he’s betraying my Mum to be honest. I’m sure I could accept a new partner in time but at the moment it all feels so raw. I know he’ll likely be feeling guilty and that’s why he hasn’t told us but why is he lying and treating us like children? My sister and I have decided we need to have a conversation with him about all of this but we’ve no idea how to go about this. I dont want him to feel guilty or to shut down (he doesn’t talk about his feelings) but I do think he needs to know how we’re feeling. I just want my Dad back but it feels like we’ve lost him too. Any suggestions on how to word this conversation are greatly appreciated.
Hi @Kirsty4,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
It sounds like it’s been an incredibly painful time for you since the unexpected loss of your mum two years ago. As well as grieving your mum, it also sounds like you’re struggling with feeling distant from your dad and worried that your relationship with him has changed.
Your feelings are completely valid, and I’m sure many others in the community will relate to the mixture of emotions you’ve shared, and potentially having to have this conversation with a parent.
I’m sure others will be along to offer their support and advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Harriet
1 Like