Dad having 70th birthday when mom never will

I feel conflicted, in April it’ll be the 3 year anniversary of when my mom passed, but it will also be my dad’s 70th birthday. My mom passed ages 64, she will never see her 70th, :pensive::sob:.
So far this year I feel like I’m just stumbling from one point of upset to another, just got past 2 birthday bereavements this month, next month mother’s Day, April anniversary of mom’s death, it feels relentless, I wish I could just fast forward to the summer. My dad & I are not close, in fact last year he was so verbally abusive, & tried to bully me into moving out, that I attempted suicide twice, mom would never of treated me like that, & if she were alive, she never would of let him treat me like that either, it makes me feel like “why does he get to 70 when she doesn’t,” :pensive::sob:.

Hello @Pandaprincess . First of all I just want to say sorry for the loss of your mum and for what you are going through.
I can relate to your post as it was my dad who died just before his 70th birthday and my mum will be celebrating hers in a few months. I had my dad’s ashes interred on what would have been his 70th birthday :pensive:
I was closer to my dad. I don’t have a normal relationship with my mum unfortunately,- I help her out of guilt. She’s not the easiest person to be around and I’m putting that politely. I also asked myself why did my lovely dad go so soon and she is still here. It sounds awful writing it down but it’s the truth.
Unfortunately we can’t change what has already happened but we can change how we allow ourselves to be treated. You don’t owe your dad anything just because he is your dad.
I hope you have a good circle of support around you and can find something lovely to do to remember your wonderful mum on mother’s day and the anniversary of her passing.:bouquet:
Sending love XX


Hi @Anne25
Thank you for your kind words, & sorry for the loss of your dad. Sending hugs of support.

@Pandaprincess - I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum and all that you’ve been through since, with your Dad and other bereavements - it sounds like you’ve having a really hard time. Its difficult when there’s any sort of family conflict but when everything is so raw it makes things even harder. I hope you were able to get help at the time of the attempts on your life and that you have some ongoing support from friends/other family members/3rd party agencies.
It never seems fair when loved ones die at such an early age and I suppose if there’s any comfort at all, your Mum is at peace and doesn’t know how you’re being treated now. Not the same at all but my Dad passed away a few months ago and my Mum has been pretty difficult and so demanding of me and my time since, wanting to replace my Dad as her companion. Its hard because my Dad would have been so sad at things that have been said to me and how controlled and emotionally blackmailed at times. He wouldn’t have stood for it either and would never have behaved the same. Its got a little better as I’m standing up for myself a bit more but its been hard to deal with my own grief when that’s been going on.
Are you able to get out with friends or can you go for a walk or maybe a swim (that helped me to be with my own thoughts and company) when things get tough at home and try and clear your head of the verbal abuse? I hope with the anniversary and difficult days like Mother’s Day, along with the sadness, you’re somehow able to remember the happy times with your Mum. I’m sure she’d have wanted that for you. Sending hugs :heart:

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Hi @Jess2023
Yes, gladly I sleep over at my boyfriends house a few nights a week, I also go to a support group, & do Tai chi, this gives me some time away from the toxic relationship with my dad.
Sorry to hear about your mom, in a way I guess she’s grieving too, but that doesn’t entitle her to treat you that way, good for you for standing up to her :+1:t2:, she needs to learn where the boundaries are, everyone has their limits, & you deserve better. Sending hugs of support.

That’s good you have your boyfriend’s place as a retreat and you sound like you’re looking after your own mental health and not allowing your Dad to stop you from doing your own thing. That’s so important. You’re right, my Mum is grieving and sometimes I think she doesn’t realise how I am too, not in a horrible way on her part, just that she’s missing having my Dad around and has been happy for me to have stepped in. The fact I go home a lot more now during the day is definitely progress so maybe its going to be baby steps for all of us as we adjust to the new normal. Hoping having a house together solves more issues than it creates :crossed_fingers: Thanks so much for your support

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