Hi everyone, I think I need a bit of support my dad passed away last month on the 28th from dementia, we all stayed by his bedside for 4 days straight and I left for just 20 mins to freshen up and he passed suddenly I was/still devastated that I didn’t get to say goodbye. We had to wait 3 weeks just had his funeral and it feels so raw again. My mother and I were joint carers so now it feels as if my world has fell apart my father really was part of it. Now I seem to be not wanting much affection from anyone or my partner and I seem to be distancing myself which I am not sure why. I am also so very angry and this is not right. People keep changing subject and asking about my wedding I have booked in 2 years time and I am so devastated my dad can’t be there so I stop the subject. My heart feels so broken and i just wish I had had someone to chat to or has been through this so I can help myself. Any help and support would be so appreciated! Kate.
What a terrible time for you and your mother, dementia is such an exhausting illness. Don’t feel bad about not being at his bedside when he passed away- if you’d been there for 4 days in your own way you had said goodbye.
It’s very upsetting when people keep changing the subject, usually it’s because they don’t know what to say or don’t want to upset you. What they don’t understand is that you need to and want to talk about your dad, not about your wedding in 2 years time!
Whatever you feel is right for you , whether it’s being angry or upset , don’t feel bad about it.
Since my partner died I’ve found my relationships with family and friends have changed. Mostly they annoy me or upset me, I can hardly bear to see a friend who had an accident 6 months ago and is still doing nothing to help herself get better. All I can think is " at least you’re alive you have a chance and my partner didn’t"
If you can talk to your mother about your dad, or tell your partner how you feel.
Maybe seeing a counsellor or bereavement group would help you, you can say whatever you want to there.
Take care of yourself, J x
I’m so sorry to hear that your dad passed away last month from dementia. Your loss is still extremely recent so it’s understandable that it all feels so raw, particularly as you had to wait for his funeral. This community is a kind and supportive place and I hope you find what you need here.
Feeling angry and distancing yourself are common reactions to a significant loss and many members of this community have talked about experiencing similar responses. On our information page we have an article about how to cope with bereavement which talks about some of the common reactions to loss and suggests a few ways of managing. Perhaps there will be something in there that you find helpful.
There are a couple of other recent threads here about loss and dementia - whilst you’re waiting for some supportive replies to your post you might wish to read and reply to one or both of these:
Take care of yourself and let me know if there’s anything I can do to support you or if you have any questions about this site.
Online Community Manager