Lost my mum in September 22- unexpected I was on holiday at the time. Mum was 62 and dad is now 58. Given the time just speeding past, my dad has told me how lonely he is and how he now has a ‘companion’. Without the want of sounding like a spoilt child, I have explained to my dad that I do not want to know anything/hear about it. He has taken it hard, yet keeps trying to bring it up. I know the day will come that I have to ‘accept’ someone, and I don’t want my dad to be lonely and be on his own. I just can’t face it.
it sounds so selfish to put it into words, and read it back and I really do not want to come across as a ‘brat’. I just can’t deal with it.
When I have spoken to friends, they are coming from divorce experiences and are a bit neutral about it.
Am I right to feel how i feel? How do I navigate this? Is there someone that can relate?
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Thank you for sharing this with us.
It may be helpful to read our article ’ How long does grief last?’ as it talks about coping with grief longer term and may help you to understand how your dad may be feeling as well. Everyone’s experience of grief is unique to them and there is no timeline for how you should feel by a certain point.
It’s good that you can talk about it here and lots of people will have had similar experiences so I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
@lola1989
The thing is everyone will give you a different answer as we all see it from different sides.
Some will be on your side, as a son or daughter losing their mum or dad etc.
Some will say they could never replace their partner. Some will say go for it.
You have to cope the best way you can and your reaction is what it is, however, if you lost a husband at 58 and you had to live another (possibly) 40 years would you do that alone.
That’s what you are asking him to do. He is young with a lot of life to live, why shouldn’t he live it, because it doesn’t suit you?
That loneliness he feels can’t be replaced by you or friends, he wants someone to share his dreams and ambitions with, someone who will show up for him and have his back 24/7, someone who will comfort him. A person he can share feelings with.
I know this idea will be terrible for you will feel he is breathing mum but so yourself, as someone who loved him, would she want him to find happiness again.
This situation is bigger than you and his loss is so hard. I know, I’m in it. You don’t have to like it and he will find that hard but he has a right to a good life too.
Hope that helps. I’m sorry for your loss. Death is hard on everyone and we are all navigating this path as best we can.
Hi Lola 1989 , iam so sorry for your loss , Iam 57 and lost my amazing wife on 31 October 23 , your father will have felt loneliness that is unbelievable , I know this because iam feeling it . You have your dad still with you , he loves you . Life really is to sort . Please make the most of him , take care Lola and all the best for the new year x