Dad

Losing a parent
1

Last Monday (4th) my dad passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. I was his carer for 20 years and lived with him. He died in the street outside the house while I was at work and I knew nothing until the police were there on my return.

I feel … angry, angry that he’s gone, angry at my brothers for never giving him any time, angry at dad for not going to the doctors (he’d been breathless)

I feel … guilt, so much guilt, why didn’t I make him go to the doctors, why wasn’t I there when he died alone in the street

I feel totally and utterly alone, my brothers only wanted his money and my sister is a long way away

I feel scared, it’s just been him and me since mum died 20 years ago, I’m in massive debt and I’m scared I’ll lose the only home I’ve ever known

I just feel overwhelmed by so many emotions

2

Hello,

I am so sorry you’ve lost dad.
It sounds as if you have so many emotions to cope with and I can understand why you feel like this. You must still be in a state of shock over his sudden death.

Please try and find some help -for yourself to deal with your grieve and about the money problems you have. Try not to ignore those - Citizens Advice might be able to help you, there are charities who can help you sort out money problems.

I do hope you can find somebody to help you, take care J x

3

Hi Heather,

I’m really sorry to hear about your dad, I lost my mum on May 24th so I’m in the same boat.

Your emotions are going to be all over the place, if you need to cry and scream then do it, letting it out will help you more in the long term.

As for the anger you feel towards your relatives, it’s only natural to feel that way but I can bet that they’re feeling a lot of guilt of their own now, but this is a time for family to come together and support each other. If this isn’t possible, you can rest knowing you were there for your dad and he had love and support throughout his life from you.

I know it must be tormenting you thinking of him being on his own but I bet your dad wouldn’t of wanted you to see it happen, because it would of been even more traumatic for you. Your last memory of him is before it all happened, it’s probably always going to be in your head but there’s no way that these things can be predicted, my mum went into sudden cardiac arrest when she came home from work, she had COPD but the weeks before it happened she seemed fine, a bit better even.

My mum spent a week in a coma before she passed, I knew she wouldn’t of wanted any of us to see her like that, and I felt angry that she didn’t stop smoking, if she did she would of been around for longer, I could of nagged at her til I had smoke coming out of my ears but she still wouldn’t of quit, you can’t make someone do anything so try and ease your mind about him going to the doctors.

Talk to friends and other family members if there are any you can talk to, I’m not sure what to say regarding financial matters but all I can say is do some research into the help you can get.

There’s nothing anyone can really say, it’s a very hard time for you and you need to grieve. In time it will get easier, never get over it but you will heal and the pain will lessen, and you’ll be able to look back and smile at the memories of your amazing dad.

I hope things work out for you, it’s gonna be a roller coaster of emotions but go with it, and seek support from close ones, you might not want to but it’ll be a whole lot harder going through it on your own in the long term.

Sending love and prayers at this sad time xx