I lost my Dad to cancer this month and I just can’t get my head around it. He went into A&E with a bad back and no other symptoms. He received a cancer diagnosis that day, 5 weeks later he died. The emotions wash over in waves. I feel like someone is repeatedly kicking me in the stomach. Then at other times I’m finding it hard to believe that he’s gone.
I was with him as he died and I’m finding the memories traumatic. It’s like being stuck inside a bad dream, from which I can’t wake up from.
I can’t face up to never seeing him again. The pain is unbearable.
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Hello @Andie75,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your dad that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
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I’m so sorry for your loss @Andie75 and understand the awful shock you’re experiencing with the diagnosis coming so close to your Dad’s passing. My Dad collapsed at home, was taken to hospital with what we then thought was a kidney infection and chest infection but that turned out to be raging pneumonia. He didn’t respond to any medication, never came out of hospital and 12 days later passed away. I was with my Dad as well when he passed away and as calm as it was (he was in palliative care and had a driver), it was so sad. What was also so sad was that delirium kicked in within about 12 hours of him going into hospital so I didn’t even get to have any sort of conversation with him during his hospital stay. That was 6 months ago tomorrow that he passed away and I still have lots of painful flashbacks to that time and do the if onlys and what ifs. When those moments come I have to believe he’s now out of pain and then I try and flood my head with happy memories. But it is a one day at a time thing. Give yourself time to grieve and heal, that’s all you can do. If you have friends and family to support you, use that support as its so important to be able to be around people who will listen. I’m fortunate that I’ve always been able to speak about my Dad and laugh at the many happy memories we shared with other family member and friends. That will come for you too and the sad acceptance that you won’t see your Dad again will become part of your new life. It doesn’t make it any easier, but try and take some comfort that your Dad isn’t in physical pain any longer.
This group is amazing for support.
Sending lots of 
at this difficult time
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Thank you so much for taking the time to reply with your kind words and valuable advice. I’m so sorry that you also lost your Dad. I hope you are continuing to find solace and support from your friends and family. Xx
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You’re more than welcome @Andie75 and thank you for your kind wishes too. Each day brings new challenges but I’m definitely in a better place than I was 6 months ago. I carry on living in his memory as I know 100% he’d want that for me. I hope for you that the raw pain has eased just a bit Keep being kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve as feels right for you