Is it normal to feel this low after 8 months of losing my beloved pa? I can’t imagine nor do I want to live the next 30 years or so without him in my life. I long to close my eyes and be with him; if it wasn’t for hurting my mum…
Dear Heartbroken
I was so sad to read your post and yes sadly i think this may be normal for some people. I feel exactly the same some days although in my case it was the loss of my lovely Mum five months ago. I lost my Dad over 20 years ago and can remember the desolation lasted a long time, i have been told i walked around then looking as if my world had caved in. Dread to think what i look like at the moment.
There are lots of people who will give you good advice on this forum, have you spoken to your Doctor? May be worth doing so but do appreciate this is not for everyone (myself included).
I do feel for you. Find this cold weather makes me much worse, the temptation to stay in bed all day is great.
Mel
Xx
Hi Mel
Thank you for taking the time to write (and I am very sorry for your loss too).
I need to get my head around the fact I am never going to see my dad again and right now it breaks my heart. I sit at his graveside every Sunday and cry and try and accept that he is ten ft under; I go to bed at night desperate for ‘a sign’ or pray I will not wake up; I am just exhausted. I went to the Drs this week who gave me some sleeping tablets to at least help me sleep; I did but then felt shocking at work yesterday. She also suggested I contact ‘CRUSE’… But I just want my dad.
I am drinking so much and just don’t want to be here; the only thing keeping me going is imagining my mum stood at my graveside…x
Hi Heartbroken
Well done for getting to to see your doctor, getting an appointment with mine is very difficult. Agree the sleeping pills do leave you feeling yucky the next day, have taken before. Have you got good support where you work? I am self employed now but had lots of help when my Dad died. One of my colleagues was a volunteer councillor and used to gather me up and take me to her office for a cup of tea if it all got too much. Would your HR department be able to help, advise if there is anyone similar who would be willing to help you. I know i cannot open up to my family such as they are as I get very little if any sympathy there. You sound lovely and caring so probably don’t want to upset your Mum.
Every day you get through and go to bed is another day you have got through. I feel the same as you, I just want my Mum so much. I miss her terribly. Nothing feels right without her at home to have a laugh with.
Mel
Xx
Hi Mel
I try to act as though everything is ok when I am at work and then as soon as I get in the car I burst into tears. I’ve just watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 and cried mist if the way through it (my dad is Greek Cypriot), was.
It’s 8 months on Monday, will others be expecting me ‘to be over it’?
Enough of me, how are you?x
I am better at hoping others than myself!x
Hi
Yes there are always the people who think you should ‘be over it’ but the one or two who understand i find.
I am struggling through each day at the moment, not feeling very well which isn’t helping at all. Just looking at everything that needs doing this year is defeating me. So much of my Mum’s things still to go through and hate doing it. It feels so intrusive touching her private things, going through her clothes.
Like you i have trouble sleeping so hold one of Mum’s hankies in bed which seems to help. Have you got anything of your Dads you could try doing the same. I am terribly tired after a very bad night including a nightmare last night. Woke up screaming which was horrible.
take care
Mel
Hi Mel
What a coincidence, I too sleep with dad’s hanky in my hand (another permanently in my handbag).
I didn’t have the task of going through dads things nor have I asked mum if she’s had a ‘clear out’. I know his top bedside drawer us still ‘his’ as I look often hen I go over.
I’ve been in bed all day today, it’s just one of those days (not done it yet on a work day) but like you, had an awful dream and it sent me sideways). I shall now lay in bed each night and pray/think of you with ‘your’ hanky. I’ve even started going to church for grasping comfort.
Big hug
Christina x
Hi
You’ve made me smile for the first time today reading that about you being another hankie holder!
Has been a horrible day clearing out some of Mum’s clothes and sorting through her things. Am doing this with a relative who told me to keep out whilst they were doing it as i was upsetting them. The words pot, kettle and black sprang to mind.
My Dad’s bedside drawer is still intact from over 20 years ago. Another hurdle to deal with.
Sleep well
Mel
Xx
Hi Mel
So glad I’ve brought a smile.
Do u find it scary, now losing parents that you ar no longer ‘their little girl’ and that we are now growing old…I struggle too (with not having children) of being alone when my time comes. All of a sudden I am thinking of my own death, but I just want that now whilst my loving family are around me…confused is an understatement. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you.
I hope you got through the clear out; well done for doing another big step.xx
Hi Christina
Yes i feel my mortality now having lost both my parents. I loved them both but didn’t realise quite how much until i lost them. I am 56 and have hardly any family. I know that i am on my own when i get old should i live that long. The prospect of death does not frighten me as i will then be with my parents again. If that sounds awful sorry it is not meant to offend.
Today has been awful, clearing and finding a wedding anniversary card from my Dad to Mum. Also one of their wedding invitations from the 1950s. Going to have an early night and curl up with a hot water bottle.
Mel
Xx