Dads end of life care

May have seen my dad for the last time today. He has very advanced liver cancer and is recieving palliative care in hospital being moved to a care home tomorrow. As the government restrictions have been upped again i may not be avle to visit him again! I dont want today to have been the last time i see him

What can I say, such a difficult time for you. I hope you get more time. Take care x

Hi Kitty,
Maybe the care home has a plan in place where people may see their loved ones, especially under your circumstances.
Take care,
MaryL x

Dear Kitty,
What a difficult situation to be in. Surely, exceptions should be made for visits to loved ones who are receiving palliative care at the end of their lives, weighing the risk of spreading the virus against the importance to spend time together. If the care home says no, maybe you can arrange for daily phone calls with him, or drop off a daily card? Maybe a staff member will be able to find a moment each day to give you a daily update as well? It would not be the same as being with him, but would at least keep you connected.

Thank you i really hope they can make an exception. We spoke to them today and they keep telling us what usually happens. We are not in usually anymore they dodnt seem to know

Just a thought. If he is still alert can you do FaceTime, if it really is not possible to visit.

Hes not good with technology but maybe we could get a nurse ti set it up. Thats an idea thank you

That’s what I was thinking. A nurse or carer would operate it for him. Do ask if they don’t let you see him.
I’m so sorry that you are having to go through such a difficult time.

Thank you for your advice xx

Kitty my Dad is in a care home and obviously it is in lockdown. They have been very good and have been letting us facetime him every day so I am sure they would do the same for you if you ask them.

My dad never got to the care home. He died on thurday night. Im not ready to live without him. I dont want to

Kitty88kat, I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. Take care of yourself. Rest often and my GP said it’s important to eat. Take it hour by hour during the rough moments.

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Dear Kitty
So sorry to hear that your dad died. I know how hard it is to lose your dad. It must be especially hard at this time, when normal life is already disrupted due to the virus and you may find yourself on your own just when you need support of others around you the most. Do ask for help any time you need to, either from friends or family, or here on this forum and as Daffy advised: try to look after yourself, even though you may not feel like it at the moment.

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Hi Kitty,

I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please Kitty, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Online Community team

I am so sorry. Just try to put 1 foot in front of the other and feel your pain. I was exactly in your shoes through this virus and I lost my father. It’s been less than two months and I’m devastated. But know that you’re not alone. I’m sending you support vibes as much as I can through this

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Thank you for your message xx

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I’m so glad you’re here. I just found this amazing site two days ago and it has changed my despair quite a bit knowing I’m not alone. I’m learning that while people mean well after about a week or two they kind of expect you just to get on with it. It’s very isolating so it is so nice to have this place to meet. Be good to yourself.

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Yet that’s just how I’m feeling it’s like everything just carries on and I should just get on with it. I had no time off work really as we had just gone into lockdown I wasn’t in work all the time as normal. With this now getting more and more like normal I’m struggling again but feel like I shouldnt. How can I just carry on when which a big part of my life is just gone

I wish I knew the answer to how you’re supposed to carry-on. I’m struggling with that myself. But two days ago I finally let go of the expectation that anyone could help me and that I am truly on my own. The one person I turn to is gone. I’m just taking it day by day. And I think you were the only person that knows what you need. And after almost 2 months, I am learning to just take care of myself no matter what anybody thinks. Just put 1 foot in front of the other and we can help each other get through this.

It’s about the same amount of time for me too. Think I’m worried about doing what I always do And hiding how I’m feeling cause I don’t want to bother anyone else with it and it all exploding at some point. It’s what I do and I know that but can’t do anything about jt. My Dad knew that too and was always asking my sister if I was ok in his last days. I measured him all I could and saved my tears for the layby down the road from the hospital in case he was looking out the window. Thank you for your message we will get through this some how and find our way back to some sort of normal xxx

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