Dad passed away suddenly just over 3 weeks ago, I can’t believe so much time has passed already without him here. We were the 3 muscateers since my mum died and now there is just my sister and I.
This week I’m feeling increasingly emotional, exhausted and drained. We’ve spent so much time talking about him and have written a eulogy which I think captures his fun and life but it’s just so unfair. Losing two parents to cancer, by 32 (29 in my sisters case),
I am so anxious about the funeral on Friday though, he was loved by so many which has brought comfort but also, when we’re expecting 100-150 people, it’s ALOT to process and I’m not sure how much social battery I have.
I just needed to share how unfair this whole thing is, How broken I feel right now.
In the back of my mind, I know I need to go back to work, I need to live but at the same time I feel physical pain from the amount I miss him, the thought of my wedding, future children and an entire lifetime without parents. I’m breaking.
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Hello! It genuinely feels like I could have written this as I also lost my Dad 3 weeks ago and we had his funeral on Friday.
I have just gone back to work yesterday and not quite sure how I coped. This fear of how will I cope has been a common feeling for my since we knew my Dad can terminal cancer only 2 weeks before he died. I have not had a chance to process it but I can assure you it will be ok. I know what I am saying is just words, but considering what we are going through is so similar I will try my best to help.
The euglogy was tough, and like you I also had to read it out and found this weird inner strength to push through it. You will get through it and you will make your Dad proud. At the wake I was a little overwhelmed but I went off for a little wonder for the first 15 minutes with my partner as they are someone I trust and was honest about how I was feeling. When I felt ready I went in to face everyone, but still made sure to wander off now and then to get a bit of time to myself.
You need to try to speak to your work if you feel if you are not ready as important to take it slow. I have finished my 2nd day back and there have been a few tears as I have been having so many thoughts of my Dad which I know is natural.
You are stronger than you think, and my thoughts are with you as you face the funeral. Remember to take some time for yourself as you are important too. This is the first time I have experienced grief of a parent so I cannot imagine how you are going through losing both parents quite young too. Here if you need anything at all!
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I’m sorry for your loss - it does sound like we’ve had really similar weeks, that brings me a little comfort, I hope it does you too.
How did you know if was the right time for you to go back to work?
I think getting a few minutes alone with my partner is probably a good idea on Friday, I’ll keep that in mind when I’m there. Thankfully I am not reading it but confident the minister will do it justice.
Just can’t wrap my head around it. This whole situation is sh*t - how can someone go from healthy to terminal cancer to dead in 4 weeks. How have I lived on this planet without him for 3 weeks now.
I get married in 2 months too top it all off, something that we brought forward a year so he could be there, but of course, it wasn’t meant to be.
There’s such a big part of me who wants to make the most out of everyday but right now I feel paralysed. I have been lucky that the hospice have bereavement counselling which I’m stating next week. And my sister is my best friend so we’ve been supporting eachother but I appreciate this space to just be honest without worrying about how my words might affect her.