Dad's loss is so hard to handle

My dad passed two years ago and yet it still hurts
He was my best friend and my rock when ever anything got on top of me he is the one who would put me back on the right line

With mums suffering Alzheimer’s dad woukd always call me to come and talk to him and help out with mum when she was having a bad day

She had a few of them
Two days before he passed he called me to go help him with mum again

While I was there he was getting angina attacks I told him to go see the doctor he said he will on the next day his doctor was working

I was at his the day before he passed taking and getting more help for him to cope better with mums illness

I left to go home around 5 in the evening

Went to bed was woken up at 6am by my sister telling I needed to go to dads house
I already knew he had gone

I never have my phone on silent but I did that night when I was getting calls at 5 am to go to his house

What if I had got there a hour earlier he still might be here now

I blame myself for his death not making him go doctor’s not having my phone on loud

Had counselling and been on pills but I just dint know how to move on with out him around

It’s now causing problems with me and my partner she say a bit of me went with him

Iv lost all motivation to do anything and can’t focus on being a great dad to my own kids

Does anyone else know when you can move on with life

I miss him so much mums illness has taken her away with judt being a shell of who she once was

Is it normal to feel so guilty and lost so long after his death

Hi,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time at the moment, you’ve been through so much in the last 2 years.

I understand what you mean about your Dad being your best friend and rock. It was my Mum for me. When she died 4 years ago I was completely lost and bewildered. I still miss her very much but time has allowed me to move forward and find a new ‘normal’ without her if that makes sense.

I think it can be usual to feel guilt, the sense that we could have done something to change the outcome. I’ve read a lot of posts on here where people are feeling guilt along with grief. I’m sure some of them will reply to your post, there are lots of wonderful understanding people on the forum.

How long have you been going to counselling?

Keep posting and take care. Trudy x

Hi thanks for the reply
I had 6 weeks off counselling and it made me feel better I got to know I shouldn’t blame myself and for a while it fads.

Just when I begin to believe start to move on something tips me back over the edge and slip back into depression again it affects my whole life can’t function at work with being a retail manager the pressure is always on
My Hobbies just get pushed aside as I don’t want to be around anyone
That’s even harder as I’m a coach for a judo club
Wish I knew what it was

My partner said when dad died part of me went with him the me that was focused and wanting more and ready to take on the world is now just lazy laying around don’t want to sort problems out woukd rather just keep quite and leave it to someone else

How if I ever can do I get the old me back

Scared I can’t and I will lose more than just my dad. Scared for my family my kids

With mums illness it’s just a matter of time before I have to face it all again

Am I strong enough I don’t know

Thats very tough.

My dad died 2 years ago also, and the grief about what I should have done differently in the last few years of his life ate me alive for a very long time (still does occasionally). Reading posts from others has helped me to understand how normal it is to have an overly irrational (hope you don’t take offence) sense of responsibility and regret surrounding his death.

I have been in counselling for 18 months, it has helped slightly but I think my biggest issue is that I am young and no one around me has been through loosing a father in their early 20’s. So it makes me feel alone, like I have a serious handicap in life almost like I lost a limb, and I sometimes struggle to navigate through life with this new embarrassing and isolating deficit, but ill learn ;-).

I feel my situation is bad because I am not very connected to my family, so I have no one to talk to and all my friends are too (understandable) immature in this area to talk to about it. but I understand for you how difficult it must be struggling emotionally with this burden whilst desperately wanting to function as a father and husband. I hope as you continue through therapy you start to come to terms with the loss, understanding that there is no blame to be carried by yourself and start seeing a brighter future where you continue to feel happiness, love, pride and joy from with your wife and children.

This bereavement stuff is hard and unfair, please don’t put any extra pressure on yourself to feel and behave as though things are ‘normal’

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