Dark clouds

I lost my grandad on christmas day ,he was more of a dad though and we are very close,my dad left when I was young so it’s pretty.much just me and him , I was grandads carer for 7/8 yrs when he lived in his own home, he then became Ill and he .lived with us for a few months before moving to a care home, He died of covid 19 but no symptoms for 10 days then seemed to got poorly very quickly and died 4 days later,I was incredibly luck I was able to stay with him when he passed.
I thought after the funeral I would begin to feel better and accept things but I feel worse now than at the begin it’s like theres a constant dark cloud over me , I’m really struggling I miss him so much,not being able to just have a chat on the phone or briefly see him through the window when I drop his shopping off , I cry everyday, I have no motivation to do anything, see anyone , even talk on the phone, I’m not really sure why I have posted here but I just needed to get it off my chest thanks for reading

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I’m really sorry to hear about your grandad @George3112. I’m hearing how close you both were and how he was like a dad to you. You’re not alone in how you’re feeling, often after the funeral, it can feel more difficult as we begin to process the loss of our loved ones. Your feelings are completely valid. We are all here for you anytime you need someone to talk to. :yellow_heart:

Are you receiving much support outside of the community at the moment?

Hi its good to get it off your chest. Sometimes writing it down can bring clarity.
Dont be hard on yourself just take it as it comes. We arent taught to deal with grief and thats because there is no lesson that would allow us to seem what feels like everlasting heartache. That said find a memory of your grandad that gives you peace try to focus on that. Its very easy to focus on what happened. It is only after the funeral that we feel the true extent of our loss everything befor is somewhat a blur. I will say that it becomes easier but never truly goes away we just learn to cope in other ways

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Hi your post made me cry. What you are going through is normal as sadly there is no quick fix for grief. You have lost a hugely important person in your life. It takes time.
In time you will realise what a wonderful support you were to him when he needed you. You were immensely blessed you were aloud to be there with him at the end . Sadly not everyone has that. He would have drawn great comfort from your presence.
I lost my husband ( not the same I know) in October last year and still weep every day. I was in shock and numb before funeral so I have found it harder in some ways in the period after.
I know about lack of motivation too.
Try if you can to reach out to a friend or someone you trust Even if just a text.
People are usually more than happy to be there for you.
Probably writing it down has helped.
Love Annt

Thankyou for taking the time to reply , I’m trying to focus on all the good memories and happy times that we spent together and since posting here, I feel its like a weight has been lifted and know that those on this site do genuinely understand what i am /everyone is going through

Thankyou for taking the time to reply , I know i was incredibly lucky and honoured to care for him in his last days and that does bring me some comfort in that i know i could not have done any more for him. I try to get out most days for a walk which i feel has helped,
I am sorry for the loss of your husband and hope you also find comfort in happy memories and your time together x

Thankyou for your reply I am finding it a comfort in able to access support which the online forum brings.

Hi bless you. I find walks help too.
Well done for remembering happy times with your grandad.
I am only just getting to the stage of recalling happy times David and I shared together. I can now smile and remember the times he was well and how that felt to enjoy life together.
You might consider doing a memory box and put in special photos or personal items.
Take care.
Ann

Im sorry for your loss. It it crushing.
I have just lost my Nan this morning to corona virus. My heart feels like its been shredded, it hurts and Ive cried most of the day. When I think about not hearing her voice and sitting chatting away i burst out into tears
Ive lost people before but this is different

Hi Laelto,
How brave of you to post about losing your nan so soon .
You obviously had a special relationship with her .
It is a different experience each time you lose someone. The more we love them the more painful the emotions
Missing their voice and their presence is hard.
Are you getting support from anyone else…family or friends?

Hi Annt,
I felt overwhelmed but also the need to find people going/gone through similar feeling/experiences to relate to.
I was very close to my Nan, and also my daughter got to have a great relationship with her (shes 11) so not bad for a great-grandma!
Ive have spent the last week looking through her old things with family sharing memories, laughter and tears.
I do have some family and friends support yes. Sometimes it is nice to talk to people who don’t have an emotional connection to you or the person you lost.
thank you for your kind words

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