Last few days have been pretty bad,haven’t slept or eaten well,I feel as though I am in a dark black tunnel with no exits,I used to be a meticulous sort of bloke if a job needed doing I would do it,now I find myself questioning things,does the bedding really want washing,do the carpets really need vacuuming,does the shower really need cleaning etc,after all people rarely come around or even see me,I find I am forcing myself to do them,anyone else gone/going through this.
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Yes, some days.
I used to get really anxious about cleaning, tidying and the like…
But now I tell myself in the scheme of things, it’s not so important, I’ll do it when I can, when I’m ready.
If anyone calls in, I hope they’ve come to see me and not how great my cleaning skills are.
I’m sorry you’re struggling at the minute, do give yourself a break. It’s okay to do nothing for a while x
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Don’t worry it will pass,I was like that last week and I’m always very tidy and clean the house every day,like you no one hardly ever visit me I don’t see anyone for days.This week I have got my motivation back and got on top of everything.Just go with the flow and don’t beat yourself up about it.
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Thank you.
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I will thanks.
Yes really struggle to do things. Takes me forever.
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Yes I’m afraid I’ve got really lazy. I do think about it. So I suppose thats a start
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Your wellbeing is more important than the house stuff. No, things don’t need doing nearly as often as we’re used to doing them. One day you’ll find these things are annoying you, so you’ll clean or tidy them, but when you’re feeling low, they really don’t matter. Do what you can but only when you feel up to it.
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Yes I felt up to making a start on the untidy greenhouse yesterday. Not perfect but better.
I had to go in there to water my tomato plants.
Yes it does annoy me and decided to do it.
I got the hoe out to slice the weeds. The side of the house was really awful so tidied that up as well.
I like the garden to look nice really.
The garage is annoying me. So think will do something about it.
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I am sorry.
So many people, including myself, call this a rollercoaster.
The dips can appear suddenly or gradually build momentum.
You will start to climb out of them.
It may not feel like it when you’re in one but they do.
Thinking of you,
Rose x
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Hi @Ron11 I know what you mean about doing ‘stuff’. I try to keep on top of things more now. At first I used to think what’s the point but now I do what’s needed. I still struggle without my husband as he could turn his hand to most things and now having to do everything myself it’s hard. Take care of yourself.
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I understand Lost my wife of 54 year’s February this year felt could not be bothered to do anything but now I find keeping busy helps to take my mind of feeling so sad the evenings are worst sitting and thinking
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I totally get this.
I also used to be motivated and tried to “do” things that needed doing
But I’m in a place where I don’t seem able to push through - when I’m at work or out with family I can act as though everything is ok and I’m coping
But when I’m on my own …. I can’t seem to make any progress land or do anything that used to matter.
It’s 6 months since I lost my beloved husband - in terms of history a microcosm of time but in my heart it’s eternity … and it really doesn’t seem to get any easier to continue with the things that we feel we should be doing.
But I’ve learnt to sit with these feelings … I read that grief is like the tide - forever flowing and we just have to wait for the tide to turn
I will keep waiting 
Sending you hugs and love
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Understand what you are saying lost my wife 6 months ago while I’m out and about or with other people I’m ok every body say you are doing ever so well but they don’t see me when I get home to a empty house and sit there with all the things going through my mind and just can’t believe she has gone expecting her to walk through door
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Hi Jonah
I totally understand- I’m told I’m doing so well - new job started after my husband died and everyone says I’m doing so well I’m so strong but as you say they don’t realise it’s an act to get through and as you say when I go home it’s just me - so no need to to act.
My head replays my loss and my heart is so empty. I have no motivation, no wish to move forward but I know I have to go on.
It’s becoming more difficult every day - even family want me say everything is ok and I’m settled on the path of being alone - speaking about my darling husband I think makes them uncomfortable and it’s easier to say I’m not coping that I am depressed stressed and suffering with anxiety.
No one understands grief unless you have had a profound loss in your life
I know my life will never be the same again - I will never have my husbands arms around me; holding me and telling me that everything is ok and he loves me.
So I wake every morning and go on with my day, acting as though I’m ok but I’m not. And NEVER will be again.
Take care of yourself Jonah and don’t forget that you can reach out at anytime x
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Now the weather has turned and I’ve been recently diagnosed with osteoarthritis, many of my joints have become unbearably painful. This time last year I remember feeling grumpy with pain and I didn’t know what was causing this mood. He was also in constant pain and discomfort due to his conditions. Between us, we tried to carry on without acknowledging what our problems were. I feel bad now. All Summer I’ve felt fine, but now I remember how bad it was for us both last year. I was impatient with him because I felt so ill myself. Wake up call.
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@SadGirlfriend I’ve had a similar wake up call.
We need to start looking after ourselves! It does seem a bit pointless somedays though…