Dating again

Hi, my husband has been dead 2 and a bit years. Background, we had been together 20 years, since we were teenagers. The last few years of his life and mine were a misery due to an addiction he developed, resulting in him taking his own life.

Anyway when he first died I thought my life was over and could never entertain the thought of moving on. However my kids are growing up and going out more and I’m often stuck in home alone, I’m only 39. I’ve tried to maintain friendships and still get invited out a lot for night out.

Anyway a week or so ago I got a stupid idea after I’d had a few drinks that it may be fun to see what the world of online dating is like. I set an account on tinder and to my surprise I was inundated with messages from men telling me how beautiful I was etc. anyway there are also a lot of creepy guys out there who just want sex. I hit it off with this one man who lives 2 hours away. We text and he phoned me, we got on really well and had lots in common.

Then it started getting a bit much, he wouldn’t stop phoning and I have 4 children at home, my 18 year old daughter is grossed out at the fact I could potentially date again. For her she just misses her dad. He also FaceTimed me and looked nothing really like his photo, he was a lot chubbier in real life and was taking part in movember and had shaved off his beard.

Today I told this man it was my fault and I didn’t think it could work due to the distance etc. and my kids weren’t ready. In reality I’m not ready. I’m at the stage where I’m so mad with my husband for taking his life and leaving me in this crap situation. I just miss him so much.

Its made me feel 100 times worse as I felt I lead this man on and I feel so bad for him as he seemed to really like me. It’s also made me think I might be alone forever as I don’t see anyone living up to my husband.

Does anyone have any experience? Thanks

2 Likes

Kat, no one can ever replace your husband. He was the only him to ever be. Maybe you are just not ready to “date” and Tinder is likely not going to help - isn’t it a “hook-up” thing where people are looking for casual sex, not dating or relationships? Are there other online dating apps? I know many who have met on Match dot com. It took a while, but they met their someone special.

Don’t give up. You are 39! So young! It isn’t over for you. I was 42 when I met my husband. Almost 26 years together until he died in September.

I am sorry your husband died and I am sorry that you have years of struggles with his addiction and now, suicide. It is tragic, just tragic. It didn’t have to happen.

Love.

1 Like

Thank you. I have no clue about tinder but it definitely seems that way although I think you can put if you’re looking for casual or relationship. I put " not sure" as I’m not sure if I do want a relationship. That’s what I mean I just don’t know what I want anymore. I guess until I work it out I should probably lay off the dating sites, hurt people hurt people as they say.