My daughter&her husband were not found after a diving boat tragedy in Egypt on Nov 25th.
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I am so very sorry to hear of the horrendous loss you are going through. I can not begin to imagine the emotions you must be going through and the worry you have been through. I myself have been on many dive/tourist boats in the Red Sea and can appreciate this complex situation (and distance in another country) makes what youāre feeling, thinking and experiencing ten times harder Iām sure.
Reaching out to this community is a good step.
I have found some comfort sharing things here after losing my mum. I think I just needed to let it all out. She was my best friend and losing her has left a huge painful void in my life that doesnt reduce. I struggle to move forward. Iām still going through her belongings, itās a painful process but I have to do it as Iāve emotionally hoarded so many of her things - things sheās kept from my childhood and her life journey. I continue to have difficulty with guilt and have resulted in paying for private therapy (NHS waiting lists huge). I think guilt will always plague those that love truly and deeply. For we love them, we will never think weāve done enough - but really we could do no more. I also then a year later lost my beloved dog and father) and subsequently returned here to vent my pain. I hope the great community here can bring you the some comfort, no matter how small. Sometimes just little sharings can help a lot, even just temporarily.
I have found it so much easier to communicate with fellow grievers. People that have not lost a close loved one(s) just donāt get it.
Keep communicating as this is such a difficult time for you, donāt suffer alone.
Iām here if you want to talk or offload.
Sending hugs and strength.
Ps sorry for the long woffly reply and I hope it makes sense, or some of it.
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Dear Ceej,
Thankyou so much for messaging, to know someone is out there and understands is supportive and very helpful.
To see and hear others who know of our pain being so eager to wish each other a happy new year in our presence is so painful, but of course they do not understand. I must keep choosing to forgive.
Your dear Mumā¦so loved and treasured by you, no wonder you keep many of her belongingsā¦and you donāt need to rush through sorting them out, and deciding what to keep. Take your time dear friend.
My very elderly Mum died 3 years ago, and my father died in 2008. We were close too.
There is to be another BBC article about the safety and integrity of the Egyptian liveaboard industry soon. And so hopefully innocent lives can be saved.
Sending you love and gratitude
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Hi,
How are you doing?
Apologies for the late reply as Iāve been unwell.
Thank you for your lovely message and kind words are appreciated. Iāve been trying to get through some of my mums things but itās a frustratingly slow process. I am also trying to distract myself with making some plans for trips etc in a few months - weather I actually go or not at least itās temporary distraction.
Have you managed to get any respite or other support? I also find being in the garden(when the weather permits) therapeutic and a walk to blow out some cobwebs .
Sending lots of strength.
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@SamC8 I am a diver and read about this. So many people in the diving community were so saddened by the whole event but i doubt any of us can begin to imagine your grief, losing your beautiful daughter and her husband.
I know thereās little we can do to help you through this but please know our thoughts are with you xx
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Thankyou so much for contacting me, and to know that you and the diving community are there and thinking of us is very supportive.
I find the solidarity of that especially strengthening, and somehow more important to me even than the wishes from members of my family who didnāt know Jenny and Tarig very well.
Many divers, even survivors, have been in contact with a friend who has been collating information for potential investigations, but I have stayed away from these messages for fear of hearing any details of the incident. So this has kept me in isolation and I now very much need to connect.
So thankyou with all my heart.
You yourself are here because of loss and I send you my love and support, and hope that you find ways to go on and feel comfort.
Xx
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Dear Sam, I think your decision to stay away from those messages at the minute is very wise. Dealing with your grief is more than enough right now.
You might want to know the details later but itās important that you take care of yourself as best you can.
My partner was also my dive buddy so i felt a huge chunk had been torn away from me when he died, but heād kind of prepared me by insisting i went back to the club weād been members of before he became ill.
He said they would look after me, and they have. That, my family and friends and the unexpected kindness of strangers has kept me going.
Weāll go on and weāll carry their memories for ever, we have to.
Look after yourself, however you need to do that. This forum has been a lifeline for me. I hope we can support you too.
Hugs x
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Hi Sam,
How are you feeling?
Iāve just seen the update on the news. I can not imagine how painful and frustrating this must be for you. Dealing with foreign authorities and waiting for answers that they arenāt giving.
Hopefully there will be something positive out of this horrendous scenario in that there maybe more safety protocols etc put in place in these boats.
Did I hear correctly you are from Devon as I am also from Devon?
Iām very slowing going through my mums paperwork. Itās very sad to read of my mums life struggles bless her but I guess she is at peace now. I still find myself hoarding a lot of her things. I need to take things to jewellers for valuation and auctioneers but itās all mental energy I donāt have. I do miss her terribly and am very lonely without her in my life - even though Iām not alone if you get me. Thereās such a void there. Roll on the summer or nicer weather so I can get back in the garden working.
Thinking of you and sending hugs. Xx
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Dear Ceej, sorry for the delay in responding, but I couldnāt remeber my password, and so many things happened that Iāve only just had time to reset it.
I live between newton Abbot and Ashburton. We moved here 6 years ago from Essex to be near Jenny and Tarig. Although it was hard to move away from family, including my eldest daughter Iān so glad that we did, those 6 years were very precious.
Winter is difficult at the best of times do you feelā¦ Spring will come and lift our spirits. Nature is very healing, and brings me close to Jenny and Tarig. Even on dark damp days to pass under trees and see green moss and lichen brings solace.
Are you seeing people face to face? I find that challenging and often too intense, but there are some kind souls who want to connect as best they can. Also how about grief counselling. I am looking into this myself now, as nice as it is to talk with others, itās a lot for them to bear.
Sending much love and support xx
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Thankyou very much for your kind words. This weekās been extra tough with the BBC coverage, but it feels positive too to know that the story is being told and investigations are underway. Iāve been recommended a counsellor whoās son drowned, and am hoping to arrange a video introduction to her and what she feels she can offer. The whole thing in addition to the losses are too much for others to bear, and I think it may be a helpful move,
I will think of you and all divers around the world, so fascinated by the utter beauty of the undersea world. I only snorkelled with my daughter, but loved to see her swirling around so free and joyful, like an otter.
I hope your heart continues mending day by day.
With love x
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Iām sorry to hear about your tougher week, I thought it may provoke some difficult thoughts etc for you. But like weāve said hopefully, more safety protocols etc will be put in place in the future. I am glad that they are keeping the subject fresh and publicly continuing investigations etc.
Ah the spring is my favourite time of year! I am very fortunate to live in the countryside (only 1.5 miles from where my mum used to live) between Crediton and Exeter. I am hoping for some dryer days to get back out in the garden and catch up with things. I feel more connected to my mum out there as it was always our thing to walk up there and discuss the plants and nature (and for me to get her advice) whenever she popped over. I have been fondly watching all the garden birds busying around as that try to make sense of the irregular seasonal weather poor things. Iām constantly having to fill up their feeders but I donāt mind.
In answer to your question about seeing other people- if Iām honest Iāve found it difficult to be around people, especially people that havenāt experienced grief. Iām not one to be able to put on a brave face these days so to avoid questions like āare you okā? I have tried to avoid people. I am trying to get out more and push myself out of my comfort zone as distractions are a good relief.
I pay privately for bereavement counselling as I was told I had something called Complex Grief Disorder also called Prolonged Grief Disorder. The free bereavement services were all so busy with long waiting lists and I needed help now.
Itās helpful to let it all out, the emotions, thoughts, guilt, memories etc all eat away and when internalised can start manifesting in other ways. I found this also with my health. I really recommend counselling. The way I looked at it was it couldnāt make me feel worse and thereās a little chance it could help make the grieving process just even a little easier, or less painful or even just easier to understand.
One thing I canāt say enough is take your own time, go at your own pace and there is no time frame for grief. I got and still get annoyed when certain people kept saying to me about the blooming āgrief cycleā. Iām like āIām not a statistic or following a process Iām grieving for my parents and in my way, my own time - how I feel comfortableā.
Do try and see people if you can, I know it can be hard to face them. Maybe message beforehand that youāre struggling emotionally, but say you need to get out and about for a little bit. Also if youād rather not talk about it let people know. Iāve tried to be as honest with my friends as possible even if most of them dont understand my pain and loss. They had all known my mum for many years also.
Good friends will still be there even if you donāt see them for a while.
I did find initially that some people really dont know how to act or what to say to you at first so donāt be afraid to be honest.
This is your grief, your loss and pain so please look after you and do whatever comforts you and in your own time . For me unfortunately it has been comfort eating, mainly cake and sweet things - so Iāve had to find motivation for more exercise to burn it off!
Thinking of you and sending hugs. Sorry for the long waffly essay. Xx
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