daughter in law

hi my 30 yr old son died od stomach cancer 3 yrs ago my daughter in law is seeing someone else and i am being irrational ive got hieghtened anxiety i feel jealous and so sad i feel betrayed all irrational i know but it becomes obsessive it worroes me i shouldnt feel like this i want to cry everytime i talk about it

I’m not at all surprised that you would feel like that as I imagine I would feel the same. You know it’s irrational, I know it’s irrational but there’s no denying it’s hurtful.
The nearest I can come to experiencing such strong irrational feelings is when my daughter was left with a one year old after her husband went off with another woman, and your situation is much worse than that. I suppose it’s a big factor that you accept how you feel is irrational but I wonder if talking it through with her might help you. Tell her how you feel and why. She probably already knows or suspects she does.

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss and how your daughter-in-law’s relationship is making you feel. I am not sure whether or not this will help but my husband who died at the end of November was married before me and his wife died suddenly one morning of Sudden Adult Death Syndrome at the age of 43. When George and I started our relationship, his late wife’s mum found it really hard to cope with and rarely came to our house even though her 2 grandchildren were here. I suspect she felt very much like you. When we got married none of that side of the family came to the wedding and whilst both and George totally understood it, I was hurt because all I wanted was to make a home for her grandchildren. However, over the years I think she has seen how I have cared for her grandchildren and although I could never take the place of her daughter as her grandchildren’s mum, and neither would I want to, I have worked hard to make sure her daughter’s memory is still very much alive in our home and still have the wedding photo of my husband and his late wife on the wall beside my own. When my husband was taken ill, it was his late wife’s mum who came over to help support us and she sat with me at the funeral to comfort me and phones me regularly to check on how I am. I guess what I am trying to say is your daughter-in-law must realise how difficult it is for you and it will take a lot of work and understanding from all parties. However, it can work out okay in the end. George’s mother-in-law has been my absolute rock since his death. I really hope that in time you will slowly adjust to this new situation and will find some peace xx

that is a lovely life story and i truly hope mine is the same i will always try to have a relarionship with them. im also very sorry for your loss my thoughts are with you x

I am so glad I did not upset you. I guess your daughter-in-law is still quite young and I suspect deep down you realised that she would probably start another relationship at some point. That does not stop you hurting because had your son still been alive, she would have still been with him. You obviously are very fond of your daughter-in-law and I bet you have been through a lot together. Irrespective of what happens in the future you will always be her mother-in-law. My husband used to say he had two mother-in-laws; my mum and his late wife’s mum and he was very happy with that. Take care xx

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